Lonely Jew On Christmas

Sung by Kyle Broflofski, from South Park
Italicized lines by "Special celebrity guest"
Or, you can listen to it.

It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas.
My friends won't let me join in any games.
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cuz there's something wrong with me.
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity!

I'm a Jew,
A lonely Jew
On Christmas.

Hanukkah is nice,
But why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?

And instead of eating ham I have to eat kosher latkes;
Instead of Silent Night I'm singing Hoo Hact Toh Gaveesh;
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles please?

I'm a Jew,
A lonely Jew
I can't be merry
'Cuz I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Hey, little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
And I've come to say that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month you should be glad

'Cuz it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas.
You don't have to deal with the season at all.
You don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity.
You don't have to have to go to Grandma's house with your alcoholic family.

And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breath his stinky breath on me.

That's right, you're a Jew!

A styling Jew!

(Together)
It's a good time to be Hebrew,
On Christmas...