SPAM Haiku 1101-1200

Move backwards to Numbers 1001-1100.


1101.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet, eating
a warm bowl of SPAM.
--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1102.
Down came a spider,
Sat down beside her. Said "How
You eat that shit, bitch?!?"

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1103.
Jack Sprat could eat no
fat. His wife could eat no lean.
So they killed themselves...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1104.
SPAM on a bus, SPAM
on china, SPAM to place on
her loose vagina.

--Anonymous

1105.
No obscenity
is needed for SPAM haiku.
Keep it rated "G."

--Alan McCollough, Pressworks

1106.
spam spam spam spam spam
spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
spam spam eggs and spam

--Anonymous

1107.
Pushing creation
A new life is beginning
Pink or blue for SPAM?

--chris.romig@turner.com

1108.
Jonathan Black bites
His SPAM haiku is now weak
Please someone help him

--"Chuck Wilson"

1109.
Silver shiny key
Tool for reaching blissful taste
I sing your praises.

--catfemme

1110.
SPAMbirds are alight
Fluttering yon and hither
Granting gifts of SPAM.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1112.
She sits on the shelf
Cold, coy pork product temptress
"Sodium," she coos.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1113.
No parts are wasted.
Ever lick a pig's behind?
All parts are tasted.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1114.
Squealing, they enter
Ambivalent to their fate
Exit little cubes

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1115.
The pigs ascended;
They buried their murdered friends:
Rows of small square graves.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1116.
Bite once: it's just lunch
Bite twice: it starts to entice
Bite thrice: paradise

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1117.
Bad SPAM addiction
Lost job at mini-market
Neglected wife, friends

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1118.
New Hormel-Tourette's
Syndrome: "SPAM! S---! SPAM! P---! SPAM!
F---! SPAM! F---, f---! SPAM!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1119.
Hormel-Tourette's. Who
else wonders if Jonathan
Black suffers from it?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1120.
Spend all your money
Buy ten thousand cans of SPAM
Eat it till you puke

--adberne@nwu.edu

1121.
NC-17:
That's SPAM's rating. Noxious Crap
In 17 hours.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1122.
"Everyone has an
Inalienable right
To gas." -- SPAMoza.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1123.
Imagine Christ at
Galilee with loaves and SPAM.
His last miracle.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1124.
Christ passes out SPAM,
Says, "This is flesh of my flesh."
"God, you poor bastard."

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1125.
Price Club crowds press in--
Pallet of Hormel corned beef
next to stack of SPAM.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

1126.
Replicator's wrecked,
Only reproduces SPAM.
Worf opts to eat Troi.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1127.
it has horns. rotting
pink meat cube broils in hell and
tortures the lost souls.

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

1128.
it hid under the
bed, slimy and evil cube
of hideous SPAM

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

1129.
Newt slashes budget
Grateful wealthy pay no tax
Poor can't afford SPAM

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1130.
Meat of enigma,
Blue tin square of mystery,
Supermarket angst...

--Roy Hill, rhill@comp.uark.edu

1131.
Jonathan Black's muse
Spews forth verbal SPAM porno--
A SPAM Mapplethorpe.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1132.
Hormel makes black SPAM.
Pays homage to Orenthal.
We love you O.J.!

--Liam

1133.
"There once was a SPAM
from Nantucket--" Oops. Wrong kind
of poem. Sorry!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1134.
Load canoe with meat
no room for most consonants
SPAM is no ka oi

--Charles Memminger, 71224.113@compuserve.com

1135.
"I think I'll never
see / A poem as lovely
as SPAM..." Doesn't rhyme.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1136.
"I think I'll never
scan / A poem as lovely
as SPAM..." Still not right.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1137.
"I think I'll never
slam..." Rhymes, but makes no sense. "Scam"?
...Oh, to heck with it.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1138.
I got it! Keep "see,"
change "SPAM" to "a tree." But who
wants poems 'bout trees?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1139.
Abysmal entrée
A gelatinous nightmare
SPAM anybody?

--Mark Dornfeld, meatboy@aracnet.com

1140.
O.J. not guilty
SPAM, defiled by the masses
The world is a mess

--Steve Dotson, mdotson@oregoncoast.com

1141.
Went into the store
Bought and ate twelve cans of SPAM
Think I'm gonna hurl

--Gene, estairs@student.umass.edu

1142.
Long-winded colleague
Talking about SPAM haiku
Kept me there too late

--Anonymous

1143.
Roses are red, and
SPAM is pink. Some poems rhyme
but this one doesn't.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1144.
Pork product, why do
You taunt me so? I love you
Fried, baked, so lovely.

--Preston Landers, planders@mail.utexas.edu

1145.
Who am I? Where am
I? What is that putrid af-
tertaste?...SPAMnesia.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1146.
SPAM of a sorrow
wedding of a red monday
sliced bits of fresh pork

--gilly, okie-dokie@mail.utexas.edu

1147.
Starvation threatens;
Lone figure tramps on tundra--
SPAMook of the North.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1148.
The world now-a-days
Is overpopulated.
Oh God, soylent SPAM!

--Kenji Spielman

1149.
The Law and Sausage;
Both far prettier than SPAM.
What say you, O.J.?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1150.
I have heard it said,
That in Waco was much SPAM.
Truth or baloney?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1151.
Fly in an airplane,
they serve what is called "a meal."
Why not just use SPAM?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1152.
I'm out of Alpo.
Crack a can of SPAM for Rex.
Dog turns up his nose.

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1153.
Put SPAM in the Pam
Started the gas, saw the flame
Blew the damn place up

--Gene, estairs@student.umass.edu

1154.
Our roommate Carleton
ate some SPAM. We all had to
disperse from the room.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1155.
Sliced SPAM onto bread
Added mustard and mayo
Watched it grow moldy

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1156.
Had too much free time
and nothing to do. So we
made a SPAM haiku.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1157.
Looking for women
That is all my roommate does
While he devours SPAM

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1158.
I had turned the key
and opened the can of SPAM.
It was empty. Damn.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1159.
SPAM went onto sale
People rushed into the store
What a disaster

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1160.
Gene, Bob, Jeremy:
SPAM haiku by committee.
Next? NEA grant?

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1161.
Was "SPAM Mapplethorpe"
A Cat Stevens song? No, "SPAM-
Apple Gas." Sorry.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1162.
O.J. returns home
After year, cupboards bare but
for one lone SPAM tin.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1163.
Spilled tinned meat on lap;
Zipper rusted shut. A bad
Case of SPAMish Fly.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1164.
Fleckéd pink sunfield
Meandering jelly flows
Shasta's SPAM-strewn slopes

--Warren "Woo" Kimball, wkimball@state.ma.us and Brian "Kinky" Friedmann, bfriedmann@state.ma.us

1165.
"L.A. cops," he said,
"DNA, blood, glove, Bronco..."
"Pass the SPAM," she said.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1166.
Sometimes I wonder
What meat is SPAM: pork, beef, goat?
World will never know

--Anonymous

1167.
Industrial age
Manufactured food product
Blame machinery

--Anonymous

1168.
SPAM label on fridge
Tofu, wheat germ, juice inside
Vegetarian?

--Susan Lippincott, susan@ole.cdac.com

1169.
Heinous pink substance
Packed in slimy yellow goo
Makes me want to retch

--Scott Wedel, scottw@netmanage.com

1170.
"If the blue tins don't
fit, you must acquit." Trial
of O. J. SPAMson.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1171.
Universe explodes
Spews pork across the cosmos
The Big SPAM Theory

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1172.
Hormel Valdez runs
aground. Slicks of pink grease wash
onto the shoreline.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1173.
From Shakepeare's Twelfth Night:
"If music be the SPAM of
love, then don't play on."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1174.
Last Christmas, I sent
SPAM and fruitcake to twelve friends;
received twelve mail bombs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1175.
I'd write SPAM haiku
all day, but I must go back
to my padded cell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1176.
Gelatinous mass,
in a pan over camp fire;
Squatting in the trees...

--Bruce G. Gordon, bg@well.com

1177.
Glistening bodies...
Succulent and pleasurable...
Naked cans of SPAM.

--jlueck@mit.edu

1178.
Hot greasy slices
Forced to eat in my childhood
God, I hate SPAM now!

--Liz Burnside, mizliz@aone.com

1179.
Back in the '40s
Mom fed us fried SPAM for lunch;
We must have been poor.

--Liz Burnside, mizliz@aone.com

1180.
Lost in the hot des-
ert, I see a can of SPAM.
I keep on walking.

--Walter Myers, wvmyers@planacc.com

1181.
Glistening beauty!
Oh shimmering loaf of pink!
How dare they to laugh?

--Mike Miller

1182.
Juicy warm pink flesh,
Let me taste your soft moistness.
SPAM is the greatest!

--Mike Miller

1183.
Moodiness holds sway
Until: glimpse of blue metal
My only solace

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

1184.
Dinosaurs vanished
Extinction's cause now revealed
SPAM meteorite

--Doug and GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1185.
SPAM in microwave
Explodes in my surprised face
Man, that stuff is hot

--John Sadler, jj.sadler@dallasbaylor.edu

1186.
Dan gets SPAM haiku.
I don't think he likes them, though.
He should write his own.

--Ryan Dargis, rad3@ntrs.com

1187.
"I gotta have it!"
"This pink stuff controls my life!"
SPAM Anonymous.

--Scott Zacher, scottz@nwu.edu

1188.
Warped beyond repair
SPAM served breakfast, lunch, dinner
Poor kid had no chance

--GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1189.
Meat gobbet puzzle
Chunks in jelled matrix abound
Digestive horror

--GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1190.
Hitler's big mistake
He thought main ingredient
Was Jews, not jowls. Oops!

--Chuck Wilson

1191.
"I saw a tunnel
with a bright pink light." A Near-
SPAM Experience.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1192.
Despite thousands of
NSE's, some atheists
still say there's no Hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1193.
In SPAM-taneous
combustion, victims melt, leave
behind pink grease spots.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1194.
Lunch meats vanish with
no explanation in the
Hormel Triangle.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1195.
In SPAM of the Gods,
von Danniken said Hormel
started all culture.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1196.
Close Encounters of
the SPAM Kind: Aliens stuff
abductees in tins.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1197.
When Nostradamus
wrote of "The great pink horror"
did he predict SPAM?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1198.
Hormel sues Henson
"Spamme" not acceptable name
for MISTER Piggy

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

1199.
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.

--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org

1200.
It's not really ham,
It's more like pork-flavored gum,
Sans minty-fresh breath.

--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org


Move forwards to Numbers 1201-1300.
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John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.