SHAM-45.
Gregor Spamsa woke.
In horror he sees that he's
Now a pink pork cube.
SHAM-46.
Is SPAM Kafkaesque
Or was Franz Kafka Spamesque?
That is the question.
SHAM-62.
A bulimic binge:
Bread, cheese, spam, chips, Spam, SPAM, SPAM--
Gravity's rainbow.
SHAM-116.
SPAM and the Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance
By Robert Pigsrig.
SHAM-117.
Post-culinarism's
touchstone text: Derrida's On
Spammatology.
SHAM-118.
Knut Hamsun shuns SPAM,
Writes Hunger, wins Nobel Prize.
Moral: Don't eat SPAM.
SHAM-119.
"Formal systems can't
prove all--like what's in SPAM." From
Gödel, Escher, SPAM.
SHAM-120.
"For highest congress
Push whole loaf in yoni." From
The Spama Sutra.
SHAM-121.
Burroughs plays William
Tell with SPAM loaf, kills wife, in
Naked Luncheon Meat.
SHAM-122.
Rushdie gets fatwa
for writing that Mohamed
enjoyed eating SPAM.
SHAM-123.
In the innermost
circle of hell, Dante finds
Jay Hormel alone.
SHAM-141.
Twenty loaded shelves.
The only moving thing was
The eye of the SPAM.
SHAM-142.
I was of three minds,
Like a SPAM in which there are
Three species of meat.
SHAM-143.
A SPAM swirled in the
Frying pan. 'Twas a small part
Of the pantomime.
SHAM-144.
A boy and a girl
Are one. A boy and a girl
And a SPAM are one.
SHAM-145.
Which do I prefer?
The beauty of ingestion
Or what comes after?
SHAM-146.
Kitchen windowsill.
Lit by passing headlights, SPAM
Casts a long shadow.
SHAM-147.
Thin men of Haddam,
Don't you see the SPAM rising
In your women's pans?
SHAM-148.
I know what's good food;
But I also know that the
SPAM knows that I know.
SHAM-149.
When the SPAM was fried,
Its grease marked the edge of one
Of many circles.
SHAM-150.
At the smell of SPAM,
Even bawds of euphony
Would cry out sharply.
SHAM-151.
Once, a fear pierced him,
In that he mistook his wife
For a loaf of SPAM.
SHAM-152.
Smoke issues from the
Kitchen. Dogs retch in gutters.
SPAM must be cooking.
SHAM-153.
The aisles were empty.
They would always be empty.
SPAM sat on the shelf.
SHAM-159.
The red wheelbarrow
Burdened with solemn portent
Wishes it were SPAM.
SHAM-201.
What do Oscar Wilde
And SPAM loaves have in common?
Homo genius.
SHAM-205.
Spamlet: Danish ham.
Lite version: Hormel Gibson.
Cooked up by Bacon?
45.
Oh, God! I just ate
some (Spam the Internet) with
e.e. cummings's dog.
401.
What once contained SPAM
now rusts in tall roadside weed--
Kerouac long gone.
468.
Shakespeare ate pink meat
Happiness, thy name is SPAM!
Close the tin curtain
493.
Enveiled in mayo,
SPAM feels groom's nibble. It's Great
Expectorations!
532.
From Shakespeare's Spamlet:
The jester ate a whole can,
Alas poor Yorrick.
551.
Call me Ishmael.
Had Melville invented SPAM
It might be called "Spale."
635.
In Heart of Darkness
Kurtz eats SPAM. "The horror..." Then:
"Mistah Kurtz--he dead!"
713.
Sinclair's The Jungle
will always be relevant
as long as there's SPAM.
793.
Zen guy on Harley
flattens SPAM can; oops, time for
cycle maintenance.
892.
Misread through the years,
"SPAM of Amontillado"--
Poe's private pleasure.
1065.
Herman Melville eats
SPAM, starts writing about a
really big pink whale.
1067.
Shakespeare asks, "Shall I
compare thee to a summer
SPAM? Yes. You both smell."
1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."
1173.
From Shakepeare's Twelfth Night:
"If music be the SPAM of
love, then don't play on."
1387.
What meat through yonder
window breaks? It is SPAM, and
Juliet lies hurt.
1419.
if e e cummings
were to contribute haiku
he would write of 'spam'
1443.
Hunter S. Thompson
eats SPAM, writes Fear and Loathing
in Minnesota.
1581.
Beneath the city
Madness screams for a cask of
SPAMontillado!
1603.
Hungry villagers.
Pink Frankenspam came to life.
"Eat me," he taunted.
1639.
Shakespeare invented
SPAM. Recipe in witches'
Scene in play Macbeth.
1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?
1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?
1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?
1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?
1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?
1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!
1741.
In Spamadu did
Kublai Khan a pleasure dome
Decree. MacDonald's.
1797.
Armageddon come,
I shall build my shelter from
a million blue cans.
1798.
A truckload of SPAM,
Can kraut, half dozen bagels,
Bring home for Emma.
1799.
Millenia hence,
the Memorabilia
enshrines the labels.
1810.
Famous beginnings:
Ate "SPAM Surprise" at young age.
Stephen King is born.
1811.
Poor Dr. Faustus...
had so tragic an ending,
yet never ate SPAM.
1844.
A la Recherche du
SPAM Perdu: instructions for
Reclaiming spoilt meat.
1845.
Once upon a SPAM
night weary, while I pondered
"What's in the blue can?"
1846.
A tap, tap, tapping
from inside the container.
Partake nevermore.
1847.
Quoth the Raven: "Hey,
you keep eatin' that stuff, of
course you'll have nightmares!"
1848.
Ebeneezer Scrooge
Hunted by Ghost of SPAMs Past
Wakes in fear, then hurls.
1849.
One day I caught a
Little SPAM playing Hamlet.
Quickly, I canned it.
1872.
Robinson Crusoe.
SPAMprints in sand. Man Friday?
No: Captain Hormel.
1880.
"Tread softly because
You tread upon my SPAM." By
Captain "Yeats" Hormel.
1885.
Hungry corpse looks for
Sole Precious Agony Meal--
by Marquis de Sade.
1948.
A SPAM is a SPAM,
Is a SPAM. But Gertrude knows
A rose is a rose.
2008.
Diner. Kerouac
rhapsodizes over wild
American SPAM.
2068.
Shall I compare thee?
"Quite frankly, my dear," she cried
"I don't give a SPAM!"
2119.
A Portrait of the
Artist as a Young SPAM: as
cool as Ulysses.
2148.
"SPERM, you fool, not SPAM!"
Frankenstein rasped at Igor.
A monster is born!
2167.
Richard the III said
"Spam, spam, my kingdom for spam!"
AOL users!!
2174.
Hemingway caught fish
with a novel bait; wrote The
Old SPAM and the Sea.
2175.
"Chicago: Butcher
to the world, Seller of pig
snouts," wrote Carl SPAMburg.
2176.
"A tin of beauty
is a joy forever." Keats's
"Ode on a Greek SPAM."
2177.
Stein and Toklas fell
in love over a slice. Still,
"A SPAM is a SPAM."
2178.
Alice B. whips up
a special treat for Gertrude:
her hashish-SPAM loaf.
2209.
Regurgitation
Of SPAM barred. Gert and Alice
Seek rose bush refuge.
2339.
1984:
"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace" "SPAM is food"
2340.
SPAMimal Farm: "All
meats are equal. Some are more
equal than others."
2341.
Dickens describes SPAM:
"It was the best of meats, it
was the worst of meats."
2358.
Mr. Leopold
Bloom ate with great relish the
SPAM he got from cans.
2363.
Shakespeare's critics say
Francis Bacon wrote his plays.
Nope; 'twas Francis SPAM.
2394.
Molly Bloom never
Got out of bed. Leopold
Always frying SPAM.
2477.
Moby. Stupid whale.
Here, there, and everywhere is...
SPAM. Ubiquitous.
2529.
From Mary Shelley's
troubled dreams came Frankenstein...
SPAM far too unreal.
2563.
In Shakespeare's SPAMlet:
Shouts at Ophelia, "Get thee
to a cannery."
2603.
The Bard's king declares,
"My kingdom for a horse? Pah!
It's SPAM I desire."
2626.
Your kingdom for a
horse? No problem. Here's some SPAM.
Plenty horse in that.
2636.
Queeg throws SPAM over
the side; from now on the crew
calls him "Old Pink Stain."
2683.
The sad, lonely prince
asks, "To SPAM or not to SPAM?
That is the question!"
2726.
Ah, SPAM of my de-
Light that knows no wain, this SPAM
Rises time again.
2804.
The end of Hamlet.
Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
Are dead. They ate SPAM.
2865.
Warbles Juliet,
"Wherefor art thou, Spameo?
Fill me with your meat."
2964.
In Xanadu did
Kublai Khan gyre and gimble
in the SPAM! (Huh? What???)
2980.
Dante cataloged
tortures in hell but did not
anticipate SPAM.
2997.
Mickey Spillane's Mike
Spammer: a private eye who
Locates missing pigs.
3006.
Like Coleridge my
SPAMadu dissipated
upon awaking.
3007.
The Cheshire Cat smiled
because he knew Alice ate
SPAM before napping.
3010.
To sleep, perchance to
dream. To wake, perchance to find
the SPAM was a dream.
3040.
Deep-thinking Nietzsche
goes mad after writing of
"SPAM and Super-SPAM."
3042.
Alexander Pope's
warning: "A little SPAM is
a dangerous thing."
3047.
Was SPAMlet really
written by Shakespeare? No, by
Sir Francis Bacon.
3051.
"George, tell me about
The rabbits." "Sure, Lenny. They
Were made into SPAM."
3060.
There was me: that is,
Alex, and my three droogs: that
Is, Pete, George, and SPAM.
3063.
Dr. Frankenstein
used SPAM for brains and made the
first politician.
3086.
"Oh, that this too, too
Solid Meat By-Product would
Melt." More from SPAMlet.
3102.
Dante's Inferno
cannot handle SPAM poets.
Newly-built circle !
3109.
Still more SPAMlet: "To
sleep, perchance to dream of SPAM...
I need some coffee."
3175.
Starving, desperate,
Jean Valjean swipes SPAM, is caught.
Pleads insanity.
3175.
Hormel hires Javert
To track SPAM thief through sewers.
SPAM is still sniffed out.
3176.
Thenardier feeds
Cosette nothing but SPAM. What
Vicious child abuse.
3177.
Troops pelt barricades
With SPAM. Gavroche and student
Rebels are wiped out.
3178.
Through eternity,
Mankind suffers, life and death;
A Great Pink Thing laughs.
3200.
Yossarian says:
"If I eat it, I'm crazy."
No SPAM-22.
3207.
In Tom Clancy's book
"The Hunt For Pink October"
SPAM tries to defect.
3214.
Best possible world:
Pink meat is tastiest meat.
Doctor Spamgloss gags.
3215.
Thumper pounds, man flees
Hissing grows in the desert
Spam-hulud rises
3274.
The cat ate the SPAM.
It's in Stephan King's new book,
SPAM Cemetary.
3381.
"George. Where you gone, George?
I petted this pig. It's spammed
Good now. Come back, George."
3397.
SPAM is to food what
The Bridges of Madison
County is to books.
3398.
Nah, I take that back.
SPAM is more like something by
Bret Easton Ellis.
3399.
Just like Ellis's
American Psycho, SPAM
makes people feel sick.
3413.
Fear and Trembling, SPAM
Either/Or that canned sausage.
Kirkegaard knew all.
3425.
Bhagavad Gita:
"Now I am become SPAM, the
destroyer of meals."
3478.
Young SPAMherazade
The Sultan of SPAMarkand
Arabian SPAM
3479.
Dickens ate no SPAM
Never was the best of SPAM
Was the worst of SPAM
3488.
Shakespeare's Danish prince,
The true king of Elsinore.
His name was SPAMlet.
3496.
Much Ado About
Nothing--the truth about all
The hype over SPAM.
3497.
Steven King novels,
Nothing about Killer SPAM?
Come on! Get with it!
3597.
Ernest Hemingway
wrote of SPAM's horrors in his
A Farewell to Hooves.
3598.
Ernest Hemingway's
The Gas Also Rises is
also about SPAM.
3618.
Fake pork product kills
millions. Survivors go nuts.
Stephen King's The Spam.
3644.
Where is that lost Greek
Classic: Homer's SPAMiad?
Well, the Greeks had taste.
3693.
Sun Tzu's Art of War
Says: Strike foe where he is not.
Oh, and feed him SPAM.
3786.
Juliet looks forth
Across the fair land and cries,
"Wherefore art thou, SPAM?"
3787.
Romeo lets his
Hand tenderly touch the can,
Sighs, "I love you, SPAM."
3915.
Hunter S. Thompson
authors Fear and Loathing on
the SPAM-paign Trail, ace...
3916.
The Great SPAM Hunt, a
fantastic piece of Gonzo
Journalism. Indeed...
3925.
Man wearing white shirt
Drops meat, causing greasy stain;
Cries, "Out, out, SPAM dot!"
4056.
The smell of fried SPAM--
A remembrance of things past
For less high-class Prousts.
4098.
Portnoy, as a boy,
finds the liver much too rough.
Uses SPAM instead.
4122.
Pirate was known for
his SPAM Breakfasts. No one showed
up for them. Too bad.
4269.
I threw a SPAM can
In the air; it fell to earth
And dented my car.
4410.
SPAM killed Sweet Lenore
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore"
Ravens don't eat SPAM
4426.
The SPAM tin's no fine
and private place / Too many
pigs do there embrace.
4468.
Do not go gently
Into that fresh can of SPAM--
Dig deep with gusto!
4469.
mehitabel and
archie share a can of spam
dead roach on space bar...
4497.
The Kama Sutra
features a SPAM chapter that's
sure to turn you off.
4571.
HOGMA TO LIVE BY:
"Let us now praise heinous SPAM."
(Rudyard Chittering.)
4693.
"Please, Sir, I want more."
Oliver gets SPAM instead.
"Please, Sir, I want less."
4698.
The river wanders
Past sties and golden cornfields.
Huck and Jim share SPAM.
4721.
"...the slithy toves did
gyre and gimbol in the wabe..."
Carroll conceived SPAM!
4765.
Edgar Allan Poe
"The Fall of the House of SPAM"
His only failure
4807.
"Help the SPAMbardier!"
"I'm the SPAMbardier! I'm fine!"
"Then help him! Help him!"
4825.
Three-Mile Island trip
Fishing rod snagged a huge fish
Pink, fierce--Moby SPAM
4839.
"But I love cold SPAM.
I really do, Gepetto!"
A nose is growing.
4870.
The SPAM I left out's
Covered with bugs. This piggy
Is "Lord of the Flies."
4907.
Scrooge gave Crachit one
Day off and Christmas SPAM. God,
How cruel could he be?
4908.
"Ebenezer Scrooge,
I'm the Ghost of Christmas SPAM!"
"Please, no! I've reformed!"
4909.
"I wear sausage I
Forged in Life!" cries Marley. "I
made it link by link!"
4960.
A horny Hindu
The Kama Sutra and SPAM
A phony yoni
4992.
Which of these many
fine SPAMku authors will bag
the Piglitzer prize?
5000.
Upton Sinclair's book
Never could have prepared me
For the sight of SPAM
5071.
Mister Shakespeare said:
"SPAM by any other name,
would still smell like shit."
5090.
In Spamadu did
Hormel Khan a stately ab-
Attoir decree. Oink!
5097.
Doctor Spamenstein
Sighed, "Igor, things have gone wrong.
We'll have to can it."
5121.
"Who is SPAMIA?
What is she, that all our swine
Condemn her?" --Shakespeare
5208.
In the night, a cry
The SPAM of the Baskervilles
Claims one more victim
6133.
I have seen the best
minds of my generation
stark, naked, Spamfed
6140.
under their tree, poor
Estragon and Vladimir...
still waiting for SPAM
6195.
combing jules verne's beard
after the exhumation:
SPAM proves time travel!
6214.
The ghosts of SPAM past,
present, and future arrive
to feast upon Scrooge.
6482.
SPAM of the future
Wins Hugo and Nebula
Psionic lunch meat
6483.
Shakespeare and Chaucer
Unworthy of attention
Wrote nothing on SPAM
6797.
Sow reading a book:
Young Brits boared on desert isle.
Will the boys be tinned?
6849.
Metamorphosis
Gregor Samsa's worst nightmare
"I have become SPAM"
7098.
Animal Farm: "Four
Legs--good; no legs--huge increase
In SPAM production."
7146.
"Why? Why!" wailed Charlotte,
Wilbur kidnapped by Hormel.
E.B. White, you brute!
7153.
"Some pig! I bet he'd
fetch quite a price from Hormel."
Charlotte's a mean drunk.
7215.
"Methinks thou protest
too much--eat it." "Noooooo!" Spamlet,
from act three, scene two.
7220.
Ahab ate his SPAM
Using cans for his peg leg
This explains his hate
7221.
The crew up on deck
Toss chunks of SPAM overboard
Sharks will not follow
7222.
Island primitives
Missionaries bring them SPAM
Makes more cannibals
7223.
The cry "Thar she blows"
Is it the whale, Moby-Dick
No, it's last night's SPAM
7224.
As Moby Dick sinks
He drags Ahab to his death
"Do NOT feed me SPAM"
7225.
Floating on the sea
The remains of the Pequod
And SPAM leftovers
7254.
A Tale of Two SPAMs:
One was fried, the other grilled.
Then both were tossed out!
7624.
His SPAM with the Wind
A New York Times best seller
Monkey Spanking Boy
7656.
Doctor Frankenstein:
His creation incomplete
must resort to SPAM.
8001.
Robert Frost refused
Million bucks to write a poem
Glorifying SPAM
8394.
Had Proust eaten SPAM
instead of tea and cakes, no
things past remembered.