SPAM Haiku: Versatility

SHAM-32.
Bio techs love SPAM.
The jelly is optimal
For microbe cultures.

SHAM-67.
SPAM slice in toaster.
Switch on, tie down ejector.
Pink, smoky blow torch.

SHAM-92.
Use a slice to clean
(and grease, too!) your mixing bowl.
It's a spamtula.

14.
If you have no clay,
But you need to sculpt something,
SPAM is excellent.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

16.
SPAM can do it all.
Need a fake amputation?
SPAM can do it all.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

20.
Maybe George Bush puked.
Or maybe he just faked it
By using some SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

52.
One policeman's tale:
"How I love you, SPAM. You took
a bullet for me."

--R. Kaufman

122.
I took SPAM to work
They fired me--so be warned
It's not meant as clothes

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

123.
One fine winter morn
I awoke to a fine smell
SPAM as a pillow

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

124.
So many uses
Most of them are quite friendly
Except for SPAMguns

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

125.
Got a new SPAMgun
Covering the neighborhood
In great mounds of pork

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

128.
I bought a new car
Slid into a tree and then
the SPAMbags saved me

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

129.
A house made of SPAM
Like the living room enlarged?
Eat eat eat eat eat.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

136.
My shoes have SPAM soles
I wear SPAM jeans shirts and ties
but my socks are wool

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

140.
Car ran out of fuel
Tried using SPAM in the tank
Engine is now dead

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

145.
Made a SPAM puppet
To entertain my doggie
Need a new hand now

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

202.
SPAM is useful stuff.
So versatile, you'll never
Try anything else.

--Stewart McKeever, mckeevers@cofc.edu

236.
Notes spill forth as the
SPAM I use to fret the strings
gunks up my guitar.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

268.
Try new SPAM carving
All you need's a plastic knife
I can carve a pig

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

270.
SPAM, a child's plaything.
Even better than Play Dough--
surpasses slime, too.

--Jackie Groce, grocej@cmc.cz

288.
To kill slugs and bugs
Place can of SPAM in garden.
They crawl in and die.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

355.
Flotation device
Made of SPAM staves off hunger
In emergency.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

402.
If you have a leak
and caulking is what you need
you can just use SPAM

--Amy Marie McManus, amarie@mailgw.anes.med.umich.edu

525.
Put SPAM in my shoes.
Cool and squishy all day long.
Killed my athlete's foot.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

541.
Resoled my sneaker
With strips of old, toughened SPAM
Now I eat and run

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

542.
Relined the gutters
With paste of SPAM's gelatin
My whole house turned pink

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

543.
Built a porch of SPAM
Norm Abrams was very proud
He ate it right off

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

563.
I built a SPAM house
of pink gelatinous bricks.
It withstood the storm.

--Anonymous

583.
I keep a can of
SPAM in my pocket to keep
away big monsters.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

641.
winner of the prize
she proudly displays her art
a sculpture from SPAM

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

712.
Got a flat coming
home from the store. Damn, no spare.
Patched the tire with SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

805.
Computers made of
SPAM. The input is easy.
Just don't eat the keys!!

--Anonymous

827.
Miss Minnesota
Banned from beauty pageant. Why?
Had SPAM-enhanced breasts.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

836.
Shoot at SPAM targets.
BANG Splat! POW Sploot! BLAM Ka-whump!
That's three out of three.

--john.foster@camel.com

911.
I love to wax my
legs with a fresh slab of SPAM.
There's nothing like it!

--Elizabeth Brown

916.
I like to use SPAM
as a lubricant, but I'm
not gonna tell where.

--Daniel Stuber

925.
SPAM cans have no key
Pop-top where the key should be
Empties still hold pens

--Rob Marquardt, guyspam@aol.com

932.
Rub SPAM grease on your
skin: it's a very cheap but
effective sunblock.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

965.
S...P...A...M....SPAM!!!!
The cheerleaders flip and jump
That's right--it's SPAMBALL!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

997.
SPAM computer game
Look out! It's behind you! SPLAT
SPAM wins yet again

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

999.
Dramatic chase scene
Push button marked "Deploy SPAM"
Chase car slides off road

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1002.
Appease gods with SPAM!
A cheap alternative to
Human sacrifice

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1027.
The SPAM advantage:
Will make watertight seal with
Any orifice.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1252.
SPAM ear protection
Cram some SPAM into your ears
What was that you said?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1253.
Get your beauty sleep
On a bed made from fresh SPAM
Then--breakfast in bed!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1259.
Don't ridicule me
I see nothing wrong with my
All-SPAM three piece suit

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1275.
Furniture of SPAM
So you don't have to get up
To go for a snack

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1279.
Hot, these summer days
I bathe in cool SPAM jelly
My friends avoid me

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1306.
Beneath the armpits
SPAM gives one a manly scent
Drives all women wild

--Bob Kaimer

1335.
Grandma's secret way
to prevent bed rot: Lift gir-
dle and...SMEAR THE SPAM!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1466.
Slice the cold, pink block.
Apply to sucking chest wound.
Don't need stitches now.

--L. Gryc, songbird@teleport.com

1577.
up there on the rack
my transmission is renewed
ninety-weight SPAM lube

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1578.
in emergency
mechanic packs wheel bearings
with a can of SPAM

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1610.
My PC does not
have a Pentium, thank you.
It's powered by SPAM.

--goat@uiuc.edu

1611.
spam is not just meat
ultra aphrodisiac
if you're into that

--goat@uiuc.edu

1612.
i'm using spam now
to make my lovely dream home
won't need a kitchen

--goat@uiuc.edu

1628.
Feds lift speed limit.
New safety regulation:
SPAM bags in each car!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1779.
How could they make such
a disgusting laxative
Use Metamucil

--Anonymous

1903.
Underneath each arm-
Pit place a soupçon of SPAM.
Keeps the flies away.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1918.
If you are thirsty
but only possess some SPAM
drink the clear liquid

--Stephen Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1944.
Steep bedsocks in SPAM;
Dead sure cure for athlete's foot.
Zombies love it too.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1953.
A Spamidermist
Stuffs discard skins with SPAM scraps.
Okay, but wobbly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1955.
"This is the SPAM bomb,
Führer. Uses local pigs.
You can eat it, too."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1958.
Suffering from flu?
Place some SPAM up each nostril.
Inhale. "Help, nurse, quick!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1968.
Creativity
Is waning by the second;
Fortify with SPAM.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1973.
If you are in need
Of a bone marrow transplant
Try SPAM first; it's cheap!

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

2022.
Multi-purpose SPAM
Fills cracks, mends roofs, excludes draughts.
Food as last resort.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2023.
Repel all muggers.
Load a sock with SPAM; keep cocked.
One deft swing K.O.s.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2081.
Basketball with SPAM
Is fun. The net cuts such cute
Pearly pink streamers!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2111.
Favored by builders,
A slabful of meat putty
For SPAMed over cracks.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2131.
Grandad stole my SPAM.
Seemed to fix his aches and pains.
Maybe greased the joints.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2132.
Take a SPAM for walks.
It will gambol at your feet.
Salty-sweet plaything!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2147.
Reds make Spamski gun.
Fires pre-packed SPAM-borscht capsules.
Just pure pork stock used.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2181.
Rust, grease, sawdust, dirt,
Gristle in a jellied mass;
SPAM thrown at weddings.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2182.
Post-Cold War horror:
In lieu of missile assault,
SPAM dropped from great height.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2216.
"You'll need arch support."
"I can't afford orthotics."
"I recommend SPAM."

--Brigham Bell

2217.
Ancient Egyptians,
modeling Great Pyramids,
hauling huge SPAM bricks.

--Brigham Bell

2278.
Shoot a can of SPAM:
It flies back and to the left.
Oswald was alone.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2279.
Drop a can of SPAM
from Seattle's Space Needle.
It's fun! Just try it!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2317.
Multi-purpose SPAM--
Mold into dentures for lunch,
Eat dentures for snacks!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

2351.
Put a pinch of SPAM
right between your cheek and gum.
Healthier than Skoal.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2393.
Sodium nitrate.
Mix with diesel fuel--KABANG!
It's a SPAM grenade.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2423.
SPAM transplants keep Az-
Tecs at bay but tend to in-
Duce Spamoplexy.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2498.
Ingenious plumbers
seal pesky cracks in pipes with
SPAM and blowtorch.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@msn.com

2554.
Have you ever tried
putting SPAM over your eyes
to put you to sleep?

--Anonymous

2580.
The glop in the can
doubles as hair gel. Hip cats
will follow you, boy.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2591.
Wine left in bottle
But alas we lost the cork
A SPAM plug worked fine

--Anonymous

2684.
We threw out the SPAM;
An ashtray and a planter
We made from the can.

--Hilary Everitt, grindog@nanaimo.ark.com

2750.
Oh, so spreadable,
I can put it on my car.
Makes it run better.

--El Supremo Number One Guy, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

2819.
Mix Tang and borax
to kill those nasty roaches.
Use SPAM for large game.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2982.
For emergencies
use SPAM as glue or putty.
Better than duct tape.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3034.
New AIDS prevention:
Eat SPAM first and nobody
will let you touch them.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3037.
Prevent alien
abduction by sleeping with
thick slices of SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3072.
Denial of Death.
Major spiritual problem.
Solved by sight of SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3111.
Anorexics like
it, too: One good whiff and the
appetite is gone.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3113.
Garden pests this spring?
SPAM on a stick works better
than the best scarecrow.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3127.
i have eaten spam i have put it up my nose i wear it as clothes

--Anonymous

3131.
Put SPAM in the tank.
Turns the toilet water pink.
2000 flushes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3144.
To prevent car theft,
Don't waste money on the Club:
Smear SPAM on the wheel.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3146.
Today I eat it
Tonight it's my companion
Leftovers next day!

--Brian

3165.
Hang SPAM in attic.
Let it mature for twelve days.
Use as smelling salts.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3197.
During storm one night
Lightning rod fell from my roof
Sculpted SPAM worked well

--Anonymous

4484.
Air conditioning
on the fritz? Don't sweat it: Put
cold SPAM on your head.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3217.
For the sadomas-
ochist: knives hurt, but SPAM works
wonders for torture!

--Jason Young, ThePezBoy@aol.com

3222.
Polish furniture.
SPAM is rubbed on maple, ah!
Who needs mayonnaise?

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3356.
SPAM in bird feeders
keeps the squirrels away, but
birds stay away, too.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3357.
Skeet shooting with SPAM.
A little more costly, but
look at that pink spray!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3369.
Quick nurse, scalpel, pliers.
Old heart out. New SPAM in. Pat-
ient whines for ketchup.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3420.
Put SPAM on a leash
It is better than a dog
Housetrained, lasts longer

--Anonymous

3435.
Cut SPAM into cubes
Paste them on your best dress suit
Edible fashion

--Anonymous

3489.
House made out of SPAM
Flexible during earthquakes
Minimal damage

--Maureen Denis, mdenis@mint.net

3662.
A new use for SPAM--
Poetry from Hormel's ham.
Wonders never cease.

--Anonymous

3679.
Pins, toothpicks, pencils,
Stick bolt upright in the SPAM:
So multi-purpose.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3731.
Smeared on your body,
SPAM prevents sunburn all day,
And it's PABA-free.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3817.
Hide the SPAM inside
A plastic L'Eggs egg, sell it
As Silly Putty.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3834.
First you carve the SPAM,
Then roll it in seeds and wait.
Look! A chia pet!

--jam@altagroup.com

3836.
Three SPAM triangles
An edible bikini
"Babe" on a babe. Yum!

--jam@altagroup.com

3844.
It falls with a splat
Once every seven minutes--
Chinese SPAM torture.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3854.
SPAM: potential skin
graft substitute or food? Hmmm,
yes, well, you tell me...

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3987.
The mugger says, "Stop!
Give me all your money! Now!"
And brandishes SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4018.
Baby's first Christmas:
Hates the doll, the train, the duck--
Loves playing with SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4140.
The can's now a pot
With two white flowers in it.
The SPAM, though, is shit.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4141.
With my cheese grater,
I prepare for the party.
Hooray! SPAMfetti!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4209.
Fabric softener
costs too much. Just toss some SPAM
in the rinse cycle.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4213.
When reception sucks,
our favorite food conducts:
SPAM can antenna!

--Peter G. LeFevre, plefevre@athenet.net

4218.
In old days I went
fishing with lunch and bait in
same can. Bless Hormel!

--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com

4239.
Slice it paper thin.
Stick it on my window panes.
The room glows pinkly.

--Maria Demetris

4355.
You can catch flies with
honey or vinegar but
you catch more with SPAM.

--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu

4372.
This cube on my plate
It is solid as a brick
I will build my house

--Michael Sullivan, michael.sullivan@sybase.com

4458.
Rescue in Holland:
Boy saves village from flood by
Plugging dike with SPAM.

--Mike, rogers@aztec.lib.utk.edu

4489.
Jack Kevorkian
builds a machine that drips SPAM
into people's veins.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4512.
Sunday hangover...
Party died down around 4:00
Only one cure: SPAM

--john p. nordbo

4612.
Kevorkian says:
"SPAM deep fried in Olestra--
Five pounds minimum."

--Carl Rosenbush, Jr.

4638.
Put a wick in SPAM:
Burns quite well but smells REAL bad.
At last, a good use!

--Al Jewer

4697.
Breast implants of SPAM
Are safer than silicone
And twice as tasty.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4711.
Mobil sues Hormel
over the latter's ripped-off
"Pigasus" logo.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4734.
Police use SPAM spray
as pepper spray substitute.
Suspect D.O.A.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4743.
Pass the pipe, Charlie
Light the SPAM, inhale deeply
This shit is the best

--Anonymous

4757.
I lost my glue, but
I found SPAM's just as sticky,
And has a nice smell.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4790.
Playing blues guitar;
bottleneck falls, breaks on floor.
Use SPAM can as slide.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4798.
Constipation cure:
SPAM and chewing tobacco.
Run! Duck and cover!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4806.
Aborigines
run out of their poison darts.
Duck! SPAM boomerangs!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4820.
All out of pomade,
I styled with greasy SPAM juice.
Looks great...but the flies.

--Monique Johnson

4843.
SPAM thrown overboard
Attracts mako and thresher
They think it is chum

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4860.
They say Nijinski
Used a mound of uncooked SPAM
To stuff in his tights

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4898.
Johnson & Johnson
say, "Don't stick Q-Tips in your
ear canal. Use SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4935.
This bow tie of SPAM
Matches my pink cummerbund.
What, is it too loud?

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4936.
My pieces are carved
From SPAM. Yours are of SPAM Lite.
Delicious Checkmate.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4949.
My friend uses SPAM.
He greases his hair with it.
He'll never marry.

--Wyald

4957.
Though pink and wiggly,
Extruded SPAM "worms" are shunned
Even by catfish.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4987.
Induce vomiting
in poison victims with just
two words: "SPAM milkshake."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

5075.
a block of fake meat
if you coat SPAM with plastic
you make a doorstop

--Luke Gattuso

5133.
Useful for simu-
lating a gory flesh wound
during Halloween.

--Lady Lackoflife

5135.
To preserve something
valuable for eterni-
ty, coat with SPAM juice.

--Lady Lackoflife

5191.
Floating in lifeboat
Saw the dorsal fins approach
SPAM drove away sharks

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5201.
SPAM in a thick sock
Swat your friends, they swing at you,
Many hours of fun

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5213.
SPAM as purgative
Mix with chutney and warm milk
Drink in one gulp...purge!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5224.
Modular units
Connect with one another
SPAM cans as house bricks

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5238.
Holding SPAM in cheeks
He pretended he had mumps
Took the day off work

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5245.
SPAM used as napalm
Detonate a giant chunk
Watch the jelly stick

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5246.
It's a narcotic
Chow down at least ten large cans
Feel the SPAM effect

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5257.
SPAM origami
Rolled flat, fold it here and here
Look, a little pig!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5385.
Muggers corner me
Unafraid, I whip out SPAM
They run in terror

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5400.
SPAM soles for my shoes
Shock absorbing foot comfort
For outrunning dogs

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5407.
Tasteless SPAM haiku:
Open wound won't heal itself
Doctors graft on SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5465.
You wonderful meat,
SPAM, you're my panacea
My problems seem small

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5516.
I have been climbing.
All I took to eat was SPAM.
A way to lose weight.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5583.
New class of weapon
Low cost artillery shell
SPAM helps keep us free

--Cholesterol 300

5591.
Fuel of the future
SPAM: fifty miles to the can
Bad pollution, though

--Cholesterol 300

5689.
SPAM smells so sexy.
A little behind the ears,
And I can date cops.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5703.
Speckled granite meat,
Leaving it outside to dry:
A better walkway.

--Jay

5727.
The cleaning lady
used a can of Spic 'n' Spam.
My, how the tub shines!

--Eye

5758.
Put SPAM up your butt.
It acts as a laxative.
GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT, POOP, PLOP!

--Matt and Mike, the Yeah-Ya Masterz, Chets@erols.com

5776.
How awful it is
Not for human consumption
Used as bricks in room

--WeezerGuy

5824.
Let's play shuffleboard!
We send the square cans gliding.
The loser must eat.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5835.
We're bobbing for SPAM!
The water tastes like a pig
Had an enema.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5898.
In Payless aisle nine
A non-taxable item
Next to the Elmer's

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5900.
I need some lip-gloss
Here, rub your lips on my SPAM
Or your chin or cheeks?

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5901.
Oops, I just started
Got any feminine pads?
How about some SPAM

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5912.
Praiseworthy SPAM can.
Your contents are carved for sport.
Some folks eat it, too.

--David Gillin

5915.
Taking a SPAM bath,
Surrounded by soap and meat.
I am one with SPAM.

--David Gillin

5965.
Buy a lot of SPAM.
Give 'em out as Christmas gifts--
better than fruit cake!

--klingon@msen.com

6045,
When you're feeling sick
A spoonful of SPAM helps the
Medicine go down.

--Freaque

6107.
Oh, constipation.
The bowels are clamped shut now;
I think I'll have SPAM.

--Hans C. Masing, hans@anecdote.com

6178.
flexibility
in a blue can. for food or
fishbait..."make it SPAM!"

--avo lowe

6321.
Waxed my car with SPAM
The finish gleams, water beads
Hungry dogs chase it

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6336.
SPAM, versatile meat.
Not good for your colon, but
Makes a good lip gloss.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6338.
When you need it bad,
Get that cholesterol rush.
SPAM's better than crack.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6477.
Rather than sawdust
One can kill by stuffing SPAM
In the nose and mouth

--Ben Kleinman, ben.kleinman@jwalter.com

6503.
I reach in the fridge
dried the spam waits uneaten
my shoes become new

--Anonymous

6520.
BAREFOOT I WANDER
UNTIL I CHANCE UPON SPAM
TWO SLICES. SANDALS!!

--JOHNNY

6534.
a day at the lake
skipping, can't find enough stones
open the spam can!

--Anonymous

6549.
Copper electrodes
Inserted in the pink meat:
A SPAM alarm clock!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

6575.
Easily sculpted
My SPAM is like molding clay
Better than Play-Doh (tm)

--Dan McCarthy

6577.
I like to eat SPAM
SPAM is good for bulimics
It makes me vomit

--Dan McCarthy

6593.
Guitar picks are hard
SPAM lets one play with less "pluck."
Conditions hands, too.

--Rob Sveum, rebermuse@aol.com

6613.
Made a house of Spam
Weather-proof and won't erode
Spam is eternal

--Tasha Rurka

6718.
Night-time shutter squeaks.
Lubrication to sate noise,
pink-loaf gelatin.

--Jeff Bacen, http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/3532, necab@hotmail.com

6803.
Put a wick in it!
SPAM candles burn all night long.
Yum, smells like bacon.

--James Bickford, style@javanet.com

6841.
Keep a can on hand
Then bring it out at mealtime.
Watch freeloaders leave.

--maryholt@flash.net

6856.
fuel for steam engine
out of sterno, spam will work
he is my ex-friend

--David Poppers, LimePi@aol.com

6881.
Built my house from SPAM
It never leaks when it rains
No need to paint it

--tad tad tad

6973.
Jack Kevorkian
Suicide assisted death
SPAM intravenous

--K.E.Messier, JuJuHearts@aol.com

6974.
Hormel Foods is now
To diversify into
Insect repellants.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6975.
Eat SPAM for breakfast--
The perfect way to disguise
Your morning sickness.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6988.
A block of SPAM makes
a good target for my Glock.
But it does splatter.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

6989.
I tell kids: "Be good
or you'll get Christmas SPAM from
Santa." They behave.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7043.
Jack-o-lantern SPAM
carved with rusty razor blades.
No children this year.

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto

7044.
I swim without fear,
wearing a suit made of SPAM,
in shark filled waters.

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto

7077.
Delusions of pink
Thank Hormel for potted meat
Multi-purpose goo

--JakeFincher, thrash@webzone.net

7101.
Pink, cold, with jelly
covering the whole body.
SPAM as suntan oil!

--Janie Applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7103.
Blue can by the door.
You didn't think I'd EAT it?!?
A great doorstop, though.

--Janie Applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7106.
My dogs are begging
for their daily fix of SPAM.
Canine laxative!

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7121.
SPAM: great birth control
Makes lovers bellies so large
Genitals won't touch

--Cholesterol 300

7145.
spam as currency
safe from devaluation
it has no value

--paul handley, phand@mozart.inet.co.th

7154.
Coins wedged in pink slab.
Father was too cheap to buy
A real piggy bank.

--Tilting Space Cadet

7156.
A noxious pink cloud
Holding the mugger at bay.
SPAM fart, self-defense.

--Tilting Space Cadet

7163.
Clay, decoration,
Maybe even food product.
SPAM's many uses

--Qwerty

7205.
50s SPAM: "Meat of
1000 Uses". (Shouldn't
That be "Abuses"?)

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7246.
Made a girl from SPAM
Went to park, pigeons peck her--
Our date is ruined!

--Bob City

7256.
Need insulation?
Line your walls with lots of SPAM
It worked for the pigs

--Anonymous

7259.
Doctors okay SPAM
An appetite suppressent
Perfect diet food

--Qwerty

7260.
I dumped my girlfriend
When she made a dress of SPAM.
Not pretty in pink.

--Bob City

7268.
Do you want to die?
Don't call Jack Kevorkian,
Overdose on SPAM.

--Bob City

7270.
Happy children play
With new modeling compound;
SPAM-castles abound.

--KETM

7276.
"The only thing that
Limits use of SPAM is your
Imagination"...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7285.
Hormel adds salt to
SPAM "for firmness." Mmm... Perhaps
I'll give that a try...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7287.
Millions of cans
Of SPAM sold each year. Forget
Shuttle--stack 'em up...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7323.
Great Wall of China
built piece by piece with SPAM bricks.
Who could have known it?

--Anonymous

7333.
Fishing? Use SPAM as
Bait. Works just like dynamite
But not as noisy...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7357.
Stone walls do not a
Prison make but SPAM makes a
Lovely pin cushion.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7606.
Tame unruly locks
With SuperHold SPAM Pomade--
A dab'll do ya!

--Giedra Campbell, gcampbell@usa.wctrials.com

7647.
Rub SPAM on a cut
A new antibiotic
That stops infection

--Wild T.

7692.
LITTLE CUBES OF SPAM
WITH PEPPERCORNS ON EACH FACE
CAN MAKE IDEAL DICE.

--Richard Topping, richard@moduscom.demon.co.uk

7718.
PEOPLE TAKE COCAINE
TO SUPPRESS THEIR APPETITE.
EAT SPAM. IT'S CHEAPER.

--Richard Topping, richard@moduscom.demo.co.uk

7856.
Ancient mummies found,
no deterioration...
were embalmed in SPAM!

--Linda

8457.
The uses of SPAM
so varied and voracious
consumes our talents.

--Kevin Crellin, crellin@finnigan.com


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.