LETTERS TO VOO DOO

Dear Editor,

...So I opens up da rafrijamator door, and inside deres dis cute lil squirrel. An' I sez Hey lil squirrel, whatchoo doin' inside mah rafrijamator? An' so da lil squirrel, he sez, Well dis here's a Westinghouse innit? An' den I sez Yeah, so what? An' so da lil squirrel he sez, Well... Ize westing!
Sunny Jim

No, really, we used to be funnier.

Dear Phos,

You strange people. Being English, one isn't used to such humour in fact it appears quite shocking at times. It appears that satire and satanism have been entwined into an orgy of self indulgence, but what the hell, you only live once.
LOVE YA!!!
ANDREW

Thanks, Andrew, and BTW it's spelled ``humor.''

Hey!

How DARE you remove the title of `` Voo Doo Guru'' from the Staff Box! For two years, I toiled with BLOOD, SWEAT, and TEARS to keep Voo Doo alive. When I took over as Editor-in-Chief, [deleted] was driving Voo Doo into the ground. And I SAVED it! You OWE ME more than a mere MENTION of ``Senior Staff.'' I AM THE GURU. You ought to BOW in my presence! I made Voo Doo what is is today! I built the pyramids! I invented SHOES!
Kent Lundberg, Editor-in-Exile

This job really gets to some people.

To the Editor-in-Chief,

My late father, Vincent Mooney '35, would have been thoroughly DISGUSTED with Voo Doo Magazine and would have wondered what had come over me for wasting my time reading it.
Keep up the good work.
Martha Anne Mooney

Dear Editor,

Hey, I'm stuck on the can at a federal office building and I'm out of TP. Can somebody out there just bring me another roll? Geeez it's awfully quiet out there! Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there? Can somebody just bring me a friggin' roll of TP fer chrissake?! Hellooo? Hellooo? Hey, can anybody hear me, dammit? Hello?? Where the hell is everybody??
A disgruntled taxpayer

E-mailed to Phos from her contact in Net Ops:

Several people here found the article `` IP Address Shortage Spurs Black Market'' to be nastier than it had to be (and technically innaccurate too!).

Does this mean that we can kiss our hopes of a free net-drop goodbye?

Re-engineering Update:

Now that the M.I.T. Mail System has set the paradigm for re-engineering, sacrificing security for savings, Phosphorous thought the he might help out with a few ideas of his own.

Eliminate the entire payroll department. Just leave a big pile of money in Lobby 10 every Friday. People will just take what's theirs.
Forget all the MIT-net security and Kerberos crap. I'm sure that I/S could save a lot of money if everyone just stored their files together in one great big account.
As long as we're trading security for budget, fire all the Campus Police. There's probably $10 million in savings right there!

Got a hare-brained scheme that could save the Institute millions? Send it in to voodoo@mit.edu. Future columns will feature your ridiculous ideas with a few genuine ones just to see if there's a discernible difference.