Alexis N Hornstein
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Hornstein emerged from one of his mother's orifices on may 18, 1985. Eighteen years later, 
he finally knew enough math to figure out that

P(alex emerged from vagina)= ( 13 )
                            ( 1   )

As he progressed in life, he applied this hard-earned lesson to everything he encountered. 
For example, when he saw a newt, he would shoot it on sight. And the last time he saw a wildebeest 
he went into an uncontrollable rage and recircumcised himself.

In related news, alex now has all four limbs. Arm, arm, leg, leg. That's right. You have them, too. 
If you don't, you probably walk funny.

If alex were alive today he would want you to listen to cat stevens and simon and garfunkle and all 
that wonderfully sappy sixties music. And he would also tell you to fill your ears with sand and 
squat over an anthill. But don't worry--you needn't take all his advice.

If you were to meet alex on the street, you wouldn't be able to see him, because he's blind.

Before you go and get suspicious, Alex DOES pay the same UPS shipping costs as you.

Every now and then, alex gets hungry. But that's only some of the time.

Need a clock? Alex is always happy to lend you one. His alarm clock is top-notch. Alex doesn't like to 
reveal much about his intestines over the internet, but he will tell you that he has a few notches in 
his belt. However, that's because he works at a notch factory, and occasionally the machines mis-notch 
and hit his belt by accident. That reminds me of this time alex was working at the notch factory, 
trying to notch a lantern (as per federal ordinance blue-lithuania-432352~2) In the end, he notched it. 
Oh boy. He notched it like the beast that he is. Alex is so friggin awesome he blows my mind. You should 
see him at a notching machine. Boy, do his hands fly. They just looked like a blur, by def leaappard. 
Pardon me, I'm getting off task. I'm supposed to be doing a pset, not writing my bio. 

Email alex at [ enjrolas at mit.edu ], and he will reply. Oh yes oh yes oh yes coveted one. 
Wil he reply oh yes he'will. -Kemosabe