To: nihilists
Subject: clone
Date: Sun, 08 Dec 2002 01:56:56 -0500
From: Nicholet Vermillion <nagisa>


        Earlier in the day I was thinking about the consequence of having
        a double, that is, an exact clone, someone identical to you in
        everyway with two variations.  One with your memories, one without
        (amnesiac).

        I imagine the first encounter with the clone to happen in a
        relatively easy way: maybe you go to do your laundry early in the
        morning, and then you come back and find yourself still sleeping.
        Maybe you go take a shower and come back to find yourself still
        in your room, tooling.  Maybe you go to visit a friend and find
        yourself already there.  A slight enough variation in your existence
        in space-time to for each of you to be unnoticable to the other (and
        others) and then, of course, you both collide.
        
        This works for having a clone with your memories.  For the clone 
        without your memories, and ideally not emotionally or intellectually 
        attached to anyone/anything you're attached to, and without enough
        specified knowledge to retrace their origins, this first encounter 
        is harder to concieve of logically (your clone have to lose their 
        memory and still somehow find yourself) but possible (the space-time
        variation would have to be slight as otherwise your amnesiac clone
        would probably wander off).  Possibly:
        -You go skating and find yourself on the rink passed out and amnesiac
        -Your parents call to ask you if you made it home OK out of the 
        hospital where you've been for the past few weeks/days and if you are 
        regaining any of your memory and then your amnesiac clone (accompanied
        by a cop) enters your room
        -You find your amnesiac clone begging or in my case, being a
        transsexual prostitute in Chinatown
        -Your amnesiac clone looks at their wallet and finds you in your
        room searching for your wallet

        Whatever, the first encounter is not so important, as long as
        you two are the only ones that know about it. Otherwise is not
        what I'm interested in think about.

        With my exact clone, this wouldn't be a dilemma.  Instantly I
        know the following:
        1. Neither of us would want to continue david morales' life
        1a.We would feel that at least one of us should continue morales'
        life, at the very least for sake of having an easy life while
        the other gets a new life.
        2. So one of us would (probably chosen by the flip of a coin)
        go live a different life (away from MIT definitely) quickly 
        (especially to reduce suspicion) but for the mean time we'd have to 
        live off common resources and this means trouble for one reason:
        hormones, we'd have to get twice as much. 
        3. We know how to give each other orgasms and are willing to.
        4. If we spent too much time together, we'd quickly grow disgusted
        with how incredibly ghey and pathetic we (each other) are, especially
        since this reflects exactly on the common I.  We would have to start 
        living seperate lives very quickly, especially since the one of us who 
        would continue living morales' life would quickly grow bitter.
        5. All the advice we could give each other would be redundant and 
        stupid, and since we hate our common voice, we would probably just
        zephyr each other from obscure clusters about how life was going and
        sleep together in the mean time.
        6. The one not continuing morales' life would the slave of convenience
        (do the laundry, get the food, wake the other one up when she's hosed,
        work another job, etc.) to foot the bill for staying.
        7. Dude, finally someone to play chess all the time. The clone with
        the free time would be learning a lot of chess and playing nagle
        while still around.
        8. The one not continuing morales' life would think about moving
        back to Illinois to be around our best friend ranier (probably
        tell him about the dilemma) and other people left behind for a while.
        9. The one not continuing morales' life would be depressed about
        losing all her friends and would start quickly on a decadent lifestyle
        and sexual prowl.  The other one would, of course, be jealous and
        probably not supportive at all.
        10.We'd seperate (hopefully within a few months)and email each other,
        possibly more to stay out of each other's way than to communicate
        about how our lives are going.
        11.The one not continuing morales' life would make a copy of a few
        photos, lots of music, and really need little else.
        12.Setting a different life then the one morales has for a stupid,
        ghey transsexual would be not so easy.  It would probably take
        up to a month or two.

        The problem is with the amnesiac clone:
        1. The original morales would be really fucking jealous, since
        the obligation to continue morales' life obviously rests with her and
        she wishes she could wipe her memory out completely.
        2. The amnesiac would suffer an immediate shock and -hopefully-
        change of personality after talking to the original. Disgusted, 
        disturbed and ultimately amused. 
        3. The amnesiac would be intensely interested in the life the original
        morales led until then.  The original would tell, with lies sprinkled
        liberally so as to save her the embarassment of knowing about the
        real life. 
        4. The amnesiac would ask for sex, the original would be too shamed
        to ask but would comply.
        5. The original would curse out God for having to do another goddamned 
        full-length explanation of being transsexual and would be scared as 
        hell as to what the original thought of all this.
        6. No chess for either for a while.
        7. As before, the amnesiac would be the slave of convenience, 
        especially to defray costs of twice the amount of hormones.
        8. The original would tell the amnesiac about her day every day
        so a) to give the amnesiac something to think about and
        b) to recieve the harshest self-criticism ever.
        9. The original would be unnerved to the point of insanity about
        what different choices the amnesiac would be making in every facet of
        her life. The amnesiac would try to comfort and fail miserably.
        10.The original would want to hurt the amnesiac a lot and would be
        utterly sexually dominant, definitely sadistic.  What would the 
        amnesiac want, I don't know.
        11.The relationship between the two would utterly fail if the
        original was able to persuade and control the amnesiac, especially,
        if realizing the previous, the original decided to sell the amnesiac
        a total bill of bullshit in order to control her.
        12.The original would want to know about the amnesiac's life when
        she moves on, and the amnesiac might dislike the original's 
        schizophrenic, abusive relationship with her and she might not write
        at all.
        
        The more I think about it the crazier it is.
        
        Nich