World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice
Archaeologist Tired Of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils
Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs
New Horizontal Device Prevents Falls To Basement
Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People
Mean Scientists Dash Hopes Of Life On Mars
Every New Yorker Found Murdered
Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted By Budget Cuts
Study Finds Jack Shit
Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Horrible Decisions
NASA Announces Future Shuttle Launches Will Be Sudden And Without Warning
Privacy Advocates Refuse To Release New Report
New Study Too Frightening To Release
We're Sick And Tired Of Raising Your Young
Department Of Libel: Drew Carey Killed A Guy And Paid To Cover It Up
Maverick Hunter's "Human Beings As Prey" Plan Not As Challenging As Expected
Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
New Solar System Discovered Four Feet From Earth
Bloodless Coup A Real Letdown
National Science Foundation: Science Hard
Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason
Mars Rover Beginning To Hate Mars
Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks
What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleased Upon The World?