Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!americast.com!americast.com!americast-post Newsgroups: americast.twt.life From: americast-post@AmeriCast.Com Organization: American Cybercasting Approved: americast-post@AmeriCast.com Subject: Gennifer's blossoming into quite an analyst Date: Mon, 26 Oct 92 14:37:03 EST Message-ID: \SE D;LIFE;KNOTT NECESSARILY \HD Gennifer's blossoming into quite an analyst \BY Tom Knott \CR THE WASHINGTON TIMES Gennifer Flowers is the bimbo of the moment who makes a number of interesting observations in the December issue of Penthouse magazine. This, of course, is why people purchase magazines of the back-to-nature kind: for their informative articles. Ms. G says, "She's got fat ankles." She is referring to Hillary Clinton, wife of Bill Clinton, the presidential candidate who does not inhale. Now you're probably wondering: Why is this important? It's not important. It's trash, smut. It's awful. Don't buy the magazine. Save yourself the $5.95. As a service to our readers, however, I will attempt, as much as possible, to examine the contents of this riveting profile, and the rest will be left to your imagination, including the incredibly shocking photographs. It seems there are five major points, not counting all the boring details on what they did and when they did it and how they did it. Major Point No. 1: She has fat ankles. Although many men do not appreciate women with fat ankles, it's doubtful the election will turn on this October surprise. Most polls indicate that a would-be first lady's fat ankles trail Ross Perot's ears in importance. Major Point No. 2: Mr. Does Not Inhale is small, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, with no disrespect intended to Pee-wee Herman. The last time size was a national issue, Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill were exchanging war stories. Mr. Does Not Inhale has logged several improbable achievements during the campaign season, notably having been able to distance himself from Ms. G. However, despite even more mighty striving, he has been unable to tone his doughboy physique. If he were your neighbor, you probably would snicker. There is one in every neighborhood: the wannabe jogger. Every time you turn on CNN, there's Mr. Does Not Inhale in his shorts and T-shirt, jogging through the streets of wherever he is. He must jog about 50 miles a day, and yet he still looks like a victim of the buffet table. Now George Bush is a jogger as well. But he looks it. You think you'll be as fit as him when you're his age? I don't think so. Not everyone agrees on the fitness issue, however. Nina Totenberg, who is with ABC-TV and National Public Radio, is one of the dissenters in the press. She has made the point on several occasions that Mr. Does Not Inhale is her dreamboat candidate. She apparently becomes faint at the sight of Mr. Does Not Inhale. Sad. Very sad. Earth to Nina: Where have you been the past 20 years? Don't you ever get out? Please, try a nightclub. Check out the scenery and let us know what you discover. Major Point No. 3: Employing a 1-10 scale, Ms. G rates Mr. Does Not Inhale's lovemaking abilities at 9. Ms. G indicates that Mr. Does Not Inhale is orally fixated. She does not put it this way exactly, but Sigmund Freud probably would. This leads to the perfunctory follow-up question: Was the candidate a breast-fed baby or a formula-milk baby? Major Point No. 4: Ms. G dares Mr. Does Not Inhale's wife to bare her seat cushion in any magazine. "They don't have a page that broad," Ms. G declares. Now, now. There she goes again, to borrow from Ronald Reagan. Ms. G does bare hers in Penthouse, and to be perfectly honest, it's not aesthetically displeasing. Mr. Does Not Inhale's campaign handlers undoubtedly would say it was the lighting. Or trick photography. Or something. Like when TV Guide stuck Oprah's face on Ann-Margaret's body. Major Point No. 5: Ms. G is a "pathological liar." This charge comes from Betsey Wright, campaign manager for Mr. Does Not Inhale. It's her contention that Ms. G needs the money and exposure for a singing career that never advanced beyond the lounge-lizard stage. Her explanation for the tapes is less convincing. Wrong or Wright? You be the judge. Ms. G clearly is the forgiving type, as long as the money is right, and it was with Penthouse. As proof, she offers a lukewarm endorsement to Mr. Does Not Inhale. "In spite of everything between us, I might go for him," she says. "Can't vote for Bush." This brings to two the number of endorsements Mr. Does Not Inhale has received in recent weeks: Ms. G's and Willie Horton's. This article is copyright 1992 The Washington Times. Redistribution to other sites is not permitted except by arrangement with American Cybercasting Corporation. For more information, send-email to usa@AmeriCast.COM