Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!americast.com!americast.com!americast-post Newsgroups: americast.twt.life From: americast-post@AmeriCast.Com Organization: American Cybercasting Approved: americast-post@AmeriCast.com Subject: Fear of offending makes costume caper a trick Date: Sat, 31 Oct 92 14:00:15 EST Message-ID: \SE B;LIFE;BRUSH STROKES \SS (WS) \HD Fear of offending makes costume caper a trick \BY Stephanie Brush \CR TRIBUNE MEDIA SYNDICATE Evan is 10 years old. Last week, he told his mother something that was music to her ears: "I'm not going to be a cowboy on Halloween this year. I'm not into guns anymore." "This is really great," his mom said. "May I ask what you're going to be?" "I'm going to be a hobo," he said. Evan's mother called her own mother, Evan's grandmother. "I've got a problem with something," she said. "Evan wants to be a hobo on Halloween. And, I mean, that's, you know, a homeless person." "Are you sure he wants to be a hobo?" Grandma asked. "That's what he said," answered Mom. "Well, maybe he could be a . . . like a 1930s hobo," Grandma said. "That wouldn't be, you know, political, would it?" Mom went back to Evan. "Maybe you should be a cowboy," she said. "Mom!" Evan's sister said. "Think about what a cowboy does! He chases cows around. Then he herds them into a pen and scares them senseless and ruthlessly kills them just to remind himself that he is higher on the food chain rather than eat a high-nutrient diet, such as seaweed, for example!" "What?" Evan asked. "Why don't you be a skeleton?" Evan's brother suggested. "I don't know," Mom said. "Skeleton? I just don't like the sound of that. It's morbid. I mean, there are people wasting away of diseases like AIDS , and to go parading around dressed like skeletons . . . " "Well, then, he could go around being FAT," Evan's brother suggested. "I heard about a kid last year, a boy, who went out on Halloween dressed as Oprah Winfrey." Everyone in the room was silent for a moment as they all tried to evaluate whether this was more offensive to black people, to professional black women in particular, or to people of large size regardless of race, profession or general economic group. Someone suggested being a "ghost," but this wisely was shot down when everyone realized that running around in white sheets had unfortunate Ku Klux Klan connotations. And the neighbors next door had just moved in from a Southern city and might interpret the gesture as a crafty, underhanded slight, very similar to the time when Melissa Mason (across the street) had gone as a Japanese lady in her aunt's old kimono and had unwittingly reinforced the idea of the stereotypically "geisha" Oriental woman when Evan's father was involved in a very important business contract with a Japanese client. "Why don't you be Chico Mendes?" Evan's brother suggested. "Who's Chico Mendes?" Evan asked. "Who's Chico Mendes?! He's the guy who died as a martyr trying to save the Brazilian rain forest!" "I thought that was Sting," Evan said. "Well, you're not going to be Sting," Evan's mother said. "Isn't he the one who makes all those videos where the women are all dressed like zombies, with the same lipstick and hair and all?" "That's Robert Palmer," Sis said. "He's a total throwback." "Anyway, I don't really care that much," Evan said resignedly. "All I really care about is the candy, anyway. I like the part about the candy. It doesn't really matter what I go as." Evan's oldest sister shook her head in a put-upon way. "I heard about a girl who ate milk chocolate, or maybe it was Milk Duds, and she was lactose intolerant, so she died." Then there was a great moment of silence while family values (specifically nutritionally based values) were contemplated. "Why don't you go as Ross Perot?" Dad suggested. "I'm too tall," Evan said. "And anyway, I heard at school that if the kids dressed like Perot, he would say it was a conspiracy." Dad was about to make the suggestion that Evan go "dressed as Gennifer Flowers" but then decided to leave the thinking about that one to himself. "What were YOU on Halloween?" Evan asked his mother. Evan's mother thought about it a while. "I was a fairy," she said. "Or sometimes I was a ballerina, but it really isn't something I like to think about very often." "Why not?" Evan asked. "Well, you know, I was just thinking about my little sister, your Aunt Elizabeth, who always had to be a witch or a robber, and I think it affected her long into her life - that I got to be always 'pretty,' and whatnot. She always had achievement and self-esteem problems after that." "Maybe I'll be a vegetable," Evan said. The whole family thought about it and decided they didn't have any objections to Evan's being a vegetable. They whipped up the costume in minutes. It seemed to come naturally to the entire family. This article is copyright 1992 The Washington Times. Redistribution to other sites is not permitted except by arrangement with American Cybercasting Corporation. For more information, send-email to usa@AmeriCast.COM