Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!americast.com!americast.com!americast-post Newsgroups: americast.twt.metro From: americast-post@AmeriCast.Com Organization: American Cybercasting Approved: americast-post@AmeriCast.com Subject: Taking steps to family harmony Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 15:07:56 EST Message-ID: \SE B;METROPOLITAN;COMICS;DEAR ABBY \SS (WS) \HD Taking steps to family harmony \BY Abigail Van Buren \CR UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE DEAR READERS: In recent years, the mail from stepchildren, stepparents and steprelatives has increased at an alarming rate. Perhaps it's due to the fact that divorce and remarriage have become more popular and less stigmatized in the past 20 years. Take heart - there is help out there for stepmothers, stepchildren, stepfathers and all manner of steppeople. It's called the Stepfamily Association of America. The group was founded in 1979. It offers information and advocacy for stepfamilies: self-help programs through local chapters, educational resources, a quarterly bulletin, an annual national conference and chapter start-up information. You need not send a self-addressed envelope to receive information. Simply write to: Stepfamily Association of America, 215 Centennial Mall South, Suite 212, Lincoln, Neb. 68508. The toll-free telephone number is 800/735-0329 (United States and Canada). This organization provides helpful information for people contemplating becoming stepparents and those already involved with a blended family who are having a difficult time dealing with her kids by her first husband, his kids by his first wife, or the new set of grandparents who find competing with biological grandparents more than they bargained for. The association offers some intelligent guidelines that will make those new steppeople less threatening and more welcome. Trust me. DEAR ABBY: My husband was married before and has a 12-year-old daughter who lives with her mother in a distant state. I'll call my stepdaughter "Carla." My husband can afford to fly Carla here only twice a year. My husband and I also have a daughter of our own who will soon be 3 years old. The problem is that we would like to have a family portrait taken and can't decide whether Carla should be in it or not. I do not dislike Carla, but we see her so seldom, it's hard for me to consider her part of the immediate family. I would hate to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want to pretend to be a family because actually we are not. When Carla visits us, she is more like a guest. Should we have the portrait taken with just my husband and me and our baby and hide it when Carla visits? Or should we wait several months for her next visit to have the family portrait taken? Abby, how important would it be for your readers who are stepchildren (grown or otherwise) to have been included in their absent parent's new family portrait? Maybe it wouldn't mean anything to Carla. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Sign me . . . UNSURE STEPMOM DEAR UNSURE: Please do not have a picture taken that you will have to hide when your stepdaughter visits. Better to include her in the family portrait whether it will mean anything to her or not than to exclude her and risk hurting her. DEAR ABBY: If your readers are beginning to make Christmas lists and are wondering what to give the "old folks," here's a suggestion: How about a once-a-month cleaning person? Many "old folks" are able to handle the daily chores of dusting, vacuuming, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleanup, etc., but when it comes to heavy-duty cleaning, they can't manage it. They would like to remain independent (if they are lucky) until they drop dead, and a little assistance of this sort would make their remaining years easier and more comfortable. There are a lot of us out there. Think about it! - "OLD FOLKS" Here's an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order "How to Be Popular," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.) This article is copyright 1992 The Washington Times. Redistribution to other sites is not permitted except by arrangement with American Cybercasting Corporation. For more information, send-email to usa@AmeriCast.COM