Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!americast.com!americast.com!americast-post Newsgroups: americast.twt.metro From: americast-post@AmeriCast.Com Organization: American Cybercasting Approved: americast-post@AmeriCast.com Subject: Coming to terms with miscarriage Date: Wed, 28 Oct 92 15:01:10 EST Message-ID: \SE B;METROPOLITAN;LIFE;WAY OF LIFE \SS (WS) \HD Coming to terms with miscarriage \SH Grieving is necessary after this loss \BY Michelle Voll \CR COPLEY NEWS SERVICE An empty cradle. A baby journal unfinished. A dream destroyed. That was all that was left for Karen, who has had five miscarriages since 1987. "I was very angry, because [I thought], 'How could this happen to me?' I did everything the doctor told me to do," she said. To deal with her grief and anger, Karen, 37, recently organized a workshop for parents like herself. About 25, including four men, attended. "It was good to talk about this, for in my day-to-day life it's kind of taboo," says Colleen, who had five miscarriages within two years. She is the mother of a 10-year-old son. There are 17 million women in the United States who have suffered perinatal loss, according to Marie Allen and Shelly Marks, co-authors of a soon-to-be-published book, "Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart." "When the woman miscarries, a death occurs within her body and the woman turns to herself. She feels guilty or betrayed by her body," Ms. Marks says. Nearly 20 percent of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Fifty percent to 60 percent of them are due to genetic factors, says Stephen DiMarzo, a California obstetrician/gynecologist. "Miscarrying is a natural process of selecting," he says. Dr. DiMarzo recommends that, after any miscarriage, chromosomal studies on the fetus be done so potentially recurrent problems can be detected. Other causes of miscarriage include infections, hormonal imbalances, physical defects, blood clotting, general medical disorders and abnormal sperm. Such environmental factors as toxins, radiation or electromagnetic fields, as well as such unhealthful habits as smoking, can negatively influence the pregnancy. Age is another risk factor. According to Dr. DiMarzo, scientists now are doing immunological research to find out why certain antibodies in a woman's body can interfere with her pregnancy. The loss of a child can also be accompanied by feelings of fear, confusion, anger or denial, and, often, loneliness. Men and women will suffer varying degrees of grief, according to Ms. Allen, who has a doctorate in counseling psychology. In dealing with grief, it is important for men and women to express their emotions and validate their feelings, she says. "You need to realize that grief doesn't progress in one dimension," Ms. Allen says. "You might find yourself crying about something you thought you had dealt with five months ago. Only over a long period of time the pain softens. You can't heal in perfect entirety." After Karen lost her unborn son in 1987 midway through a pregnancy, she suppressed her anger and read medical books on the topic of miscarriage. Reflecting on that time, she feels that when she was in the hospital for her miscarriage she had been treated as if she had "a broken toe." Thirteen months later, she called hospital officials to complain that she did not get quality medical care. "Why was there no chaplain or social worker available?" she asks in an interview. "A death occurred. I lost a baby. A baby who kicked me, whose heartbeat I heard." Her hospital experience in 1991 was the opposite. Karen received pictures of her baby, footprints and letters and follow-up calls from the medical staff. "To me, that was saying, 'You lost a life,' " she says. All of those feelings went into her decision to create the workshop, with the help of a professional panel to discuss the medical, emotional and spiritual aspects of miscarriage. "I want people to learn that you can and will get through your grief," she says. In addition to the issue of personal grief, miscarriages are often a stress factor in marital relations and affect the parent's care of later children. According to Ingrid Kohn, a social worker, women are more open with their emotions and likely to verbalize them. Society has conditioned men not to be as expressive with personal pain, Ms. Kohn says: "Often, the husband does not appear as upset. He might simply be thankful that his wife is OK after the miscarriage." His low-key reaction might erroneously be interpreted by a spouse as not caring about the loss. It can be difficult, too, for children, who on some level will be aware of the bereavement. Parents need to reassure them, Ms. Kohn says, that the children have done nothing wrong. According to Ms. Kohn, older children should be allowed to talk about the sibling that was lost. John Boyce, a licensed counselor, suggests that children should be educated in health and sex education classes about miscarriages. This article is copyright 1992 The Washington Times. Redistribution to other sites is not permitted except by arrangement with American Cybercasting Corporation. For more information, send-email to usa@AmeriCast.COM