Minutes of the SIPB Meeting of 05/15/2006 The meeting was called to order at 19:30 by jbarnold. In attendance were Voting members: jbarnold wdaher arolfe kchen tabbott presbrey golem yoz jhawk | keithw Associate members: rjbarbal asedeno belmonte ocschwar Prospectives: zoz nelhage tilia cporter jdseale mathmike Guests: Chairman's Annual Report: SUCKS! jbarnold: I'm glad to see that so many of you decided to attend this evening. Twice a year, these end of term gatherings provide an excellent strategic opportunity for synergistically furthering the diverse operational goals of the SIPB organizational unit under the current computing paradigm. We want to ensure that the value added proposition of the Board continues to unconditionally grow the evolving MIT and IS&T bit-processing business while being mindful of customer satisfaction, emerging markets, and disruptive technology. Ahem. Perhaps I should take this off. *jbarnold takes off his tie* As I announced in my e-mail, today's end of term presentation will be a bit different from those so far -- I would not want you getting too comfortable with any particular way of thinking. So tonight we are shaking it up. As some of you may know, SIPB recently received about $2000 from the UA for Sportcast for the next fiscal year. In the paperwork in which they approved giving this money to SIPB, they classified SIPB as a "sports group". I can see that all of you are as appalled as I was. SIPB is not *just* a sports group -- it is also a *culture* group, a *drama* group, a *culinary* group, a *foreign language* group, and so much more. SIPB clearly is not doing a good enough job of projecting these many, varied aspects of its operation to the MIT community at large. I would hate for SIPB to be bucketed as "that bunch of sport jocks" -- and so I think that we must react immediately to this threat. Recently, I have undertaken 3 decisive executive initiatives in order to try to bolster SIPB's merits as a cultured, well-rounded, and generally respectable student group: 1) I provided forks and napkins along with tonight's doughnuts. Of course, most of you -- being the barbarians that you are -- ate the doughnuts with your hands. 2) I have decided that the SIPB dress code is too individualistic and not snobby enough, so the SIPB annual semi-formal will now be a fully-formal event and require black-tie attire. 3) I commissioned a play by one of the world's great playwrights to bring culture and the humanities to SIPB. Some have said that he is to play-writing what Frank Gehry is to architecture. I present to you *Waseem Sebastian Daher*! Take a bow, Waseem. I also searched for the best actors to act in this play, but they all declined. So instead you get jhawk and me. The play will be presented at the end of tonight's meeting. I hope that you enjoy the show. Now let's proceed with the rest of the meeting... Treasurer's Report: jhawk: We have $4200 left. jhawk: I move to deallocate the remaining $1100. [MPWB] Chairman's Report: tabbott: I will refrain from moving to censure the chair for using a word derived from "synergy". MIT Computing Report: jtu: ca2 has been falling over. jhawk: ss failed on Friday. ocschwar: Students are developing the habit of logging on too long at the windows machines. Those machines just log you out with unsaved work. More warning might be a good thing. SIPB Projects Report: jdseale: I finished version two of my thesis today so now I can work on iStata. tabbott: The vmware console program doesn't seem to work on anything that isn't an office head. belmonte: metamail also doesn't work on linerva. I don't know why, and I don't really care. ocschwar: I intend to revamp the python locker this summer. belmonte: If any biologists out there want to maintain the seven locker, that'd be good, because all of us who were originally maintaining it have moved on to other things. keithw: LAMP is going to buy a new RAID array and will be asking for new CD requests in the fall. tabbott: I was planning to correctly package our linerva changes. jbarnold: Scripts is going to be giving a presentation at the annual IT Partners conference. belmonte: I move to allocate $30 for an official NFL rulebook for Sportcast. [MPWB] [$30 allocation for NFL rules] Office Report: jbarnold: There are doughnuts in the office. belmonte: There are drinks in the office. ocschwar: Make note of the 12-year old tea. tabbott: we should figure out what to do with the money we have left, and most suggestions fall into the office category. 1) scanner on opus 2) mac scanner jhawk: cfdoming is dealing with the fan on opus. tabbott: So what do we want in a scanner? Firewire? USB? Ability to scan faces? jbarnold: Anyone interested in pricing out a scanner? cporter: I will. It's $350 for an 11x17 with ADF. jtu: Move to allocate $100 for a universal laptop power adapter. [$100 allocation for power brick] golem: There seemed to be some interest in getting a spiffy modern video card. tabbott: Another suggestion was new office heads. I move to allocate $1000 to buy 2 HP machines for office heads. <9-0-5, motion passes> [$1000 allocation for 2 office heads] tabbott: Another idea is a rackmount server with the virtualization extensions. nelhage: I think it would be useful to offer a xen virtualization service. keithw: I thought you only needed the extensions if you want to run a non-free OS. tabbott: It was my understanding that it was an issue of whether you have to modify the host kernel. Office Cleaning Report: Publications Report: CokeComm Report: wdaher: I got coupons from Hershey's for the Take Five's. jhawk: The door to the fridge is sticky. The last two times I cleaned this up, it recurred in short order. belmonte: The fridge smells. Orientation Report: jtu: If you want an early return, you can do that and work for SIPB. tabbbott: Talk to me if you want to help run computer tours. IAP Report: Other: cporter: You should work for HTGAMIT. ocschwar: I am graduating this year. Other Other: jhawk: Alan Bufferd's retirement party was today. jdseale: The fridge door is sticking less now that it's been cleaned. Waseem's Play: \documentclass[12pt]{sides} \usepackage[margin=1in]{geometry} \title{} \author{Waseem Daher} \date{May 13, 2006} \begin{document} \begin{center} \textsc{Yes, You May Use Our Stapler} \\ a short play by\\ Waseem Daher \end{center} \stagedir{The curtain rises to reveal a very faintly-lit SIPB office, at a point in the fairly distant future. We can barely make out the contents of the room, but dust and cobwebs are everywhere, thickly covering the computers. Rats scurry across the ground.} \stagedir{Two flashlights begins to shine offstage, and we hear a man trying to open the door, unsuccessfully. Frustrated, he gives up and kicks it down. \chara{Edward}, a British thirty-something with black moustache, steps into the office and wipes off his slightly balding forehead with a silk handkerchief. \chara{Craig}, twentyish with sandy-blonde hair, steps in behind him, carrying much of the equipment.} \repl{Edward} My God\ldots we may have done it! Just wait till the boys back home hear about this one. \repl{Craig} What is this place? \stagedir{\chara{Edward} pulls out a tiny brush and begins dusting off the surfaces near him.} \repl{Edward} Have you ever heard of SIPB? \repl{Craig} Sip-bee? \repl{Edward} It's fine, few archaeologists have. In fact, many of my colleagues believe that it is just a myth. \repl{Craig} What do you mean? \repl{Edward} Well, no one agrees on the precise details, but the story goes something like this: SIPB was an exclusive and mysterious cult, for lack of a better word. They seemed to worship something called ``Athena.'' \repl{Craig} The Greek goddess? \repl{Edward} That's what we thought, too, for many years, but that doesn't seem to be it. It was something else --- something so incredibly complicated that only a select few could truly understand it. And those that did kept it secret. We only know that stapler-worship and gratis staple-distribution played a central role in their activities. \repl{Craig} They gave away staples? My God! \repl{Edward} It's incredible, I know, but you must remember that this was before the Great Wars -- metal was still widely available. \repl{Craig} I see... What does SIPB stand for, anyway? \repl{Edward} We do not know what the letters ``SIPB'' originally stood for, but near the end of SIPB's existence, we know that they stood for, "Staples instead of projects, boo-ya!" \repl{Craig} Strange... What makes this place so special? What are we looking for? \repl{Edward} Well, you see, initially, SIPB was responsible for helping to maintain some primitive computing devices -- basically advanced abacuses -- for a particular mental institution in Massachusetts. The book of zephyr tells of their many feats. The SIPB was rumored to have an incredible technical library --- a veritable Lighthouse of Alexandria, but much of it was claimed in a natural disaster. My fellow archaeologists at Oxford have shown me some of the surviving writings telling of Mr. ANSI's voyages across some sort of sea, and\ldots \repl{Craig} Wait, I think I've found something. \stagedir{\chara{Craig} finishes brushing off surface and pulls out a sheet of paper.} \repl{Edward} Be careful with that! What does it say? \repl{Craig} I don't know, I can barely read it. It is in a fixed-width sans-hyper-serif font. Blast this primitive typesetting! \repl{Edward \\ \paren{taking paper from \chara{Craig}}} Hmm\ldots it appears to be a document from the reign of a certain ``jbarnold,'' before the War. \stagedir{\chara{Edward} mutters to himself while reading it.} \repl{Edward} Something about \texttt{scripts.mit.edu}? \repl{Craig} What is that? \repl{Edward} That was a code word for some kind of world domination plan. They were well on their way to succeed, until their conflict with a certain movie club, LSC. \stagedir{\chara{Craig} gives \chara{Edward} a strange look.} \repl{Edward} It's a long story, but the short version is that SIPB's more sophisticated weaponry allowed them to win the war. We've heard rumors of a weapon that could puncture 10 to 60 armored vehicles, in one shot. SIPB went on to play a larger role in global politics, but the war destroyed much of their infrastructure, and they were unable to complete their plans of world domination. \stagedir{\chara{Edward} trails off distractedly as an object in the back sparkles and grabs his eye. He begins to move towards it.} \repl{Craig} What, what is that? \repl{Edward \\ \paren{excitedly}} Could this be it? \stagedir{\chara{Edward} unearths the ``Save in Case of Fire'' box.} \repl{Edward} My God, it is! So the legends are true! \repl{Craig} What? \repl{Edward} In the course of their worship, the SIPBians placed all their important documents in a tabernacle, of sorts. They called it the ``Save in Case of Nuclear Holocaust'' box. We seek the most precious relic therein. \repl{Craig} What is it?!? \repl{Edward} The back of SIPB's copy of the first ``multics'' login secretly contains a hidden treasure map! \repl{Craig} My God! Just like the US Declaration of Independence! \repl{Edward} Yes, indeed. The world's governments are completely unprepared for the treasures that we will be able to find using this map. \stagedir{\chara{Edward} begins fishing around in the box, looking for the document, his back to \chara{Craig}. While \chara{Edward} is not watching, \chara{Craig} pulls a stapler from out of his pocket and holds it at the ready.} \repl{Edward \\ \paren{pulling out document}} Craig, come over here, I think I've found--- \stagedir{\chara{Craig} holds the stapler to the back of \chara{Edward}'s head.} \repl{Edward} Craig? What is going on? What's that? A stapler? \repl{Craig} Give me the sacred scroll of multics. \repl{Edward} What? Have you gone mad? \repl{Craig} I said, give it to me! \repl{Edward} But, Craig, do you realize what we can do with this? \repl{Craig} Oh, I realize. What you don't realize is that I am, in fact, a SIPB member. Charged with protecting the Office, we have been guarding these documents for centuries, ensuring that they do not fall into the wrong hands. I'm afraid I can't let you leave with any of it. \stagedir{\chara{Edward} spins around, and attempts to knock the stapler out of \chara{Craig}'s hand, but he is too late. \chara{Craig} fires, and \chara{Edward} falls to the ground. \chara{Craig} takes the document from out of his hands, places the stapler neatly back on the table, and begins to leave.} \repl{Craig} Yes, you may use our stapler. \stagedir{The End} \end{document} The meeting was adjourned at 20:21. Minutes taken and submitted by arolfe.