As a scientist, the study of Gematria has always bothered me because it
appeared so unscientific. In science, one uses the scientific method to perform
controlled experiments, analyze objectively the data and finally conclude a
scientific theorem based on the results. In Gematria, it seems that one first
decides upon the desired results and then uses whatever mathematical means
necessary to produce those results. For instance, the Gematria of Ruth is 606
so we add the seven mitzvot Bnei Noach to get 613, while the Gematria of Torah
is 611, so we add the two luchot to sum to 613. However, I sometimes wonder
that if somehow the Gematria of Torah was 606 and the Gematria of Ruth was
somehow 611, Chazal would add the two luchot to ruth and the seven mitzvot
Bnei Noach to Torah in order to produce the desired result of 613.

Thus, this Purim, I decided to create a Gematria based more on the scientific
method. In other words, the usage of every operator and operand in the Gematria
equation will directly follow the story of Purim.

[For clarity, each expression in the paper is assigned a sequential number,
shown in angular brackets, such as '<1>'. In subsequent computations, this is
used instead of repeating the whole expression - Your Friendly Editor]

The Gematria of Esther is 661.

Esther marries Achashverosh and becomes an ADDITION to Achashverosh's
possesions, so we now take the Gematria of

Esther + Achashverosh which equals (661 + 821) = 1482

However, their marriage was purely BASED on Mordechai's interceding in
convincing Esther to attend Achashverosh's contest.  Thus, we compute the
Gematria of:

         (Esther+Achashverosh)                                    <1>
                         Mordechai     

or        1482  = 1.30072093                   
             274

But, Achashverosh's choosing of Esther was really a miracle (nes nistar) and
the real reason Achashverosh picked Esther to be his queen was due to the POWER
OF HASHEM (yud, kay,vav,kay).  
Hence:
                      Hashem
                   <1>                                            <2>

                      26
Which equals 1.30072093 = 930.7667192

G-d's intervention was especially needed once Haman wanted to kill all the Jews
and consequently DIVIDE Esther and Achashverosh. Hence:

               <2>
       ____________________                                       <3>
              Haman

             930.7667192
which equals -----------  = 9.797544413
                 95

This union was also in jeopardy in the midst of this Purim story when Bigtan
and Teresh attempted to assassinate Achashverosh. Luckily, Mordechai once again
intercedes and tells the king about the plot. As a result of this action Bigtan
and Teresh were SUBTRACTED. Hence:

            <3> - Bigtan - Teresh                                 <4>

Which equals 9.797544413-900-455 = -1345.202456

Once again, the serendipity of Mordechai discovering Bigtan and Teresh's plot
was a siman mishamaim or SIGN from heaven.
Thus:
                  <4> * sin(mishamaim)                            <5>

Which equals -1345.202456 * sin(430) = -521.16074312

After the execution of Bigtan and Teresh, Achashverosh came down with insomnia.
He called Haman's son and asked him to look in the book of rememberances and
choose a hero whom he could reward. By fate, Haman's son chose Mordechai. Thus,
Achashverosh signed an official edict to reward Mordechai by placing him on the
king's horse and dressing him in the king's clothing. Haman's son was the
COSIGNER. Thus:
                  <5> * cos(Ben_Haman)                            <6>

Which equals -521.16074312 * cos(147) = 413.33515656

After Mordechai receives his reward, Esther makes two parties and reveals
Haman's true identity. Achashverosh gets mad and UPROOTS Haman's ten sons. 
Hence:
                   10 _________
                     \| <6>                                       <7>

             10  ____________
Which equals   \|413.33515656 = 1.826544404

Now depending on the year and place, there can be up to 6 days where one can
read the Megillah or celebrate Purim; however, the main day on which Purim is
celebrated in the world is the fourteenth of Adar, thus, 6/14 must be added to
the sum (don't ask). Hence:

                 <7> + 6/14                                       <8>

Which equals 1.826544404 + 6/14 = 2.255115833

One cannot forget: "Vegam Charvonah zachor letov" that Charvonah also played an
INTEGRAL role in the Purim story by convincing Achashverosh to hang Haman on
the tree designated for Mordechai. Hence:
            
 Charvona /\
         /  
        /
    ^N^ \  <8> dx                                                 <9>
         \
         /
      0 /
      \/

              271
Which equals   int 2.255115833 dx = 611.1363907
               0 	  

But, Charvona could only advise Achashverosh after Esther made A SUM OF 2
parties. Thus:

                <9> + 2                                           <10>

Which equals 611.1363907 + 2 = 613.1363907

At the end of the Purim story, all the Jews were joyous and happy, but Haman's
life was TRUNCATED.  Hence:
	      
             trunc(<10>)                                          <11>
	
Which equals trunc(613.1363907) = 613!

This proves that although the holiday of Purim is medrabanan, in a mostly
mystical manner, it is equivalent to all 613 mitzvot de'oraita. (3)

- Brian P. Rosman