          "Hypocritic" Oath for Software Engineers
 
 
             HYPOCRITIC OATH FOR SOFTWARE ENGINEERS
                        (circa 1747)
 
Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
 
Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long
counterintuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something like
AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
 
Never include a comment that will help someone else understand
your code. If they can understand it they don't need you.
 
Never generate new sources. Always ifdef old ones. Every binary
in the world should be generated from the same sources.
 
Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always
hide them on your own disk. If they can build your binary they don't
need you.
 
Never code a function to return a value. All functions must
return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.
 
Never discuss things in concrete terms. Always speak in the
abstract. If they can understand you they don't need you.
 
Never complete a project on time. If you do they'll think it was
easy and anyone can do it and they don't need you.
 
When someone stops by your office to ask a question, talk forever
but don't answer the question. If they get their questions answered
they don't need you.
 
Load all sentences either written or spoken with alphabet soup.
When someone asks you out to lunch, reply:
  "I can't because I've almost got my RISC based OSI/TCP/IP client
   connected by BIBUS VMS VAX using SMTP over TCP sending SNMP
   inquiry results to be encapsulated in UDP packets for transmission 
   to a SUN4/280 NFS 4.3 BSD with release 3.6 of RPC/XDR supporting 
   our ONC effort working."
 
Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in
macros.  Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include files
indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those
include files.
 
Never clean your office. Absolutely never throw away an old
listing.
 
Type fast think slow.
 
Never say hello to someone in the hallway. Absolutely never
address someone by name. If you must address someone by name, mumble or
use the wrong name. Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from
concentrating on complex logic.
 
Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled short
whenever possible. Your shirt should never be tucked in completely.
Button the top button without wearing a tie. That will maximize
your "nerd" mystique.
 
Never wear new clothes to work. The only exception is wearing a
new shirt you got for your christmas. Then you must wear it before
you wash it. Your workers should be able to see the factory creases from
at least 100 feet.
 
A beard is optional. If you have one, scratch it nervously when
around other people. Make them think that they are bothering you.
 
As long as possible avid washing your hair. People will think
that you are "too cerebral" to be concerned with plebeian rituals such as
hygiene.
 
Never drive an American car. Imported cars are mandatory.
European cars are recommended. Older imports with cracks in the dashboard 
and a noisy muffler are ideal. Never clean the inside of your car. Make sure
that there is every evidence of your occupation. There should be pens,
pencils, notebooks, rags, listings, and Chinese food containers
on the floor of your car.
