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\line{\hfil George A. Madrid}
\line{\hfil 31 October 1995}
\line{\hfil Critique of ``Death Watch''}
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As a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe, elements of this story reminded me of ``The
Tell-tale Heart.''  Perhaps that has affected my expectations, but I thought
that the death watch appeared too fast and without strong support from the
surrounding narrative.  He did try.  ``...the rain growing stronger, pounding
out a staccato rhythm on the glass.''(1.8) and ``...the repetitive clicks of
her roommate's iron lung...''(1.5)  Unfortunately, it doesn't hold together,
and when the clock does appear it somehow feels wrong.

Also, the descriptions of the clock seem confused.  Initially, the clock is
described as ticking, so I am very surprised when it is a digital clock.
Especially when it only advances every minute.  The clocks following night
around are described with spinning hands, too.

The style is poetic, and at times, too much so, getting in the way of
comprehension.  ``...losing fingernails on the steep slope of the hole
that Cancer dug.''(1.3)  The metaphoric descriptions are often mixed.  ``To Jason,
those days were like a cruise...''(1.4)  So were those days a cruise or a~hole?   

David seems to be trying for a dark mood.  He needs to be careful not to
lighten it with attempts to be cute.  The ``novice acupuncturist''(2.2) comment is
a good example of this problem.  Calling the fat man ``Pimple''(4.4) also
makes me giggle a little too much.  When the story is this short, every word
must contribute to the mood.  The eight minutes before Pimple dies pass in
only two lines.  More could have been done here to accentuate the mood.

The last paragraph (or two) annoy me.  The repetition of the words ``That
night'' no less than six times, probably trying to suggest the ticking of the
death watch, only served to distract me and make me look for the real content
at the end.  

I think more characterization is needed to fill in the story and make me
interested.  Suicide stories are often difficult since there is such a strong
need to make the reader care before the final act.  This one is especially
challenging since his suicide is self-fulfilling.  Perhaps further development
between Jason and his wife would help.  


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Characters
Style - writing is often too poetic ``losing fingernails on the steep slope of
the hold that Cancer dug'' (1.4)  Is it a cruise or a hole?  And why do you
hear the watch amid the dirges?

I do like the staccato rain leading to the ticking of the clock, though.
(1.8)

Things like ``novice acupuncturist'' (2.2) seem to lighten the mood.

Theme
Plot
Voice
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Overall comments
