The Iguana Years

George Madrid
13 September 1994

My childhood was somewhat bleak.  I had two sisters and a brother and a pet
frog who understood me better than any of my siblings.  I had a pet iguana
which I used to identify with my parents and whenever one of them would piss
me off, I would set the iguana cage near the air conditioner or put ice in its
water and watch it go comatose.  Then I would tell it all the things I'd
always wanted to tell me parents.  "I wish you'd die."  But I didn't mean
that. I meant that "I could kill you.  You live because I permit you to."
Complete power over the iguana's complete submission.  In the end, though, I
had to let the iguana warm up again.  If it had died, my Dad woulda whupped my
naked butt.  I had begged to keep the iguana for days before they grudgingly
said okay, but I had to feed it.  Besides, if I had killed the iguana, I
wouldn't have been able to freeze it again.  

I also had a goldfish which I loved more than life itself.  One day when I was
12, the fish died and my dad wanted to flush it.  I bit my dad to save my
fish.  I had a funeral.  I was priest, pall-bearer and mourners all in one.
My mom and sisters stood aside and watched their crazy brother bury the fish
in mom's rose garden.  My brother was driving dad to the hospital where he was
getting stitches in his hand.  

Mom loved her rose garden more than she loved us.  Once when I jumped out of
my bedroom window and landed on her rose bush, she came running out and
screaming about her rose bush.  "Just wait 'til Dad gets home.  Just wait."  I
could have broken something but I'm sure she didn't care.  I've always been
surprised that she let me bury the fish in her garden.  Maybe she was afraid
I'd bite her, too.

It was two years after the fish indicent when my Dad died.  Strangely, I cried
at the funeral.  Mom didn't want to let me come.  She said 14 was too young.
I screamed enough that she finally took me.  I won most arguments that way.  I
was pleased to discover that my dad's service was very similar to my fish's.
I wanted Goldie to pass on to the next life properly.  My mother lives to this
day.  

-gm