Received: by ATHENA-PO-2.MIT.EDU (5.45/4.7) id AA04454; Fri, 11 Aug 89 13:46:40 EDT
Received: by ATHENA.MIT.EDU (5.45/4.7) id AA25058; Fri, 11 Aug 89 13:46:22 EDT
Received: from asylum.UUCP by net.bio.net (5.61/1.15) with UUCP 
	id AA28376; Fri, 11 Aug 89 10:45:21 -0700
Received: by asylum.sf.ca.us (smail2.5x)
	id AA21309; 11 Aug 89 10:04:35 PDT (Fri)
To: eit@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
Subject: History of Eit for All
Message-Id: <8908111004.AA21309@asylum.sf.ca.us>
Date: 11 Aug 89 10:04:35 PDT (Fri)
From: dragon@asylum.sf.ca.us (Brad Sagarin)

			   The Story of EIT
			       told by
			     Brad Sagarin
			(dragon@xx.lcs.mit.edu)

		    Chapter 1: The History of Eit

A quarter score of years ago, or so, there were two brothers of Tau
Epsilon Phi named Ricky and Dicky.  They were fairly reasonable
people, but on occasion, the tensions brought to bear by their
oppressive environment became so great that they exploded in
unprovoked acts of aggression.  To temper this, and simultaneously
explain to their victim that the violence was not intended as a
statement of antipathy, the word "eit" was developed.  Its use was
simple: during said act (which consisted usually of knocking
something, hopefully breakable or splattable, out of the victim's hand
and onto the floor, wall, table, frat brother, etc.) the eiter would
say, "eit".  This thus made the act humourous instead of obnoxious.

Soon after, a third party entered the scenario: Rath.  A mutual friend
of Ricky and Dicky, he helped bring about the second stage of eit
evolution.  Doing away with the eited object entirely, Rath's eit
consisted of approaching the intended victim, hitting him in some
bodily location, saying "eit", and laughing alot.  This new eit was
not well received, and return eits were usually delivered with a
distressingly short delay.

Alas, the Masters of Eit are now gone, leaving only their legacy to be
carried on.  The direct physical eit has dwindled to near extiction,
with the standard eit making more frequent, and always amusing
appearances.  Chapter 2 provides some visual examples of eiting, while
chapter 3 discusses eit in its most recent incarnations.

		       Chapter 2: Some examples

An example of the standard physical Eit follows.  In it, Dr.
Weineshausen is the "Eiter" and Ralph is the "Eitee".  The feedback of
the spectators, shown in the second frame below, is indicative of a
successfully performed Eit.

BEFORE EIT:

     Good morning, Ralph.  That looks like a    Yup, I just made it.  And, boy
     yummy tofu and eggsalad sandwich with      am I looking forward to eating
     mustard you've got there.                  it.
    /     ______________________________________/
   O     O
 __|__ =_|__
   |     |
  / \   / \

       Note the yummy tofu and eggsalad sandwich with mustard 4 squares above
       represented by an equals sign.

AFTER EIT:

     Eit   I am slain                              Ha ha ha ________________
    /     /                                                                 \
   O     O                                         Ha ha ha ______________   O
  _|_/ __|__                                                              \  +
 / |     |                                         Boy were you ________   O ^
  / \ * / \                                        eited, Ralph.        \  +
       \                                                                 O ^
        The remains of the eited sandwich.                               +
                                                                         ^

It is important to note at this point that had Dr. Weineshausen not
said "Eit", all humor value would have been lost, and it would have
been viewed by all as a rude gesture of repressed sexual frustration.


A example of the direct physical Eit follows.  In it, Dr. Weineshausen
is again the "Eiter" and Ralph is the "Eitee".

BEFORE EIT:

     Good morning, Ralph.       Yes it is, Dr. Weineshausen.  It is days like
     Beautiful day, no?         this that make me glad to be alive.
    /     ______________________/
   O     O
 __|__ __|__
   |     |
  / \   / \


AFTER EIT:

     Eit   Ouch! That was a very unfriendly thing to do _____________________
    /     /                                                                  \
   O  ___*       It clearly shows a most unfortunate trend in eiting ______   O
  _|_/ __|__                                                               \  +
 / |     |       Gosh, Dr. Weineshausen is an asshole ___________________   O ^
  / \   / \                                                              \  +
                 Boy were you eited, Ralph ____________________________   O ^
                                                                       \  +
                 Shut up, you dick __________________________________   O ^
                                                                     \  +
                                                                      O ^
                                                                      +
Note how the feedback of the spectators helped bring                  ^
along the Darwinian extinction of this species of Eit.


			 Chapter 3: Eit Today

For good or for bad, eit has moved almost entirely out of the physical
realm.  Today it is standardly used in a figurative sense to mean the
bestowing of misfortune or the misfortune itself.

The verb and noun usages of eit are illustrated in the following examples:

V1) That professor really EITED me on the paper.
V2) Ouch!  Scallion just EITED my leg.
N1) My girlfriend just left me.  It's a real EIT.

For the uninitiated, a few examples of appropriate and inappropriate
moments for an eit are given:

	APPROPRIATE

A) I just slept through my final.
B) Eit.

A) Hey, you just grabbed the last bowl of Captain Crunch with Crunch
	Berries.
B) Eit.

A) Have you been in the foam room within the last week?
B) Yeah, why?
A) Have you been itching alot lately?
B) Yeah, why?
A) Eit.

A) Wait a minute, the 23 freezer didn't defrost, did it?
B) Eit.

	INAPPROPRIATE

A) My entire extended family was just killed by a Libyan terrorist
	attack.
B) Eit.

A) Eit.
B) That wasn't a raisin. {see below}

		       Chapter 4: The Opium Eit

One of the most infamous Eits in history is the celebrated Opium Eit.
Because of the questionable nature of the eited item, all names will
be changed to protect the innocent.

And so it came to pass that there was but one small lump of opium left
to smoke.  It was a sad day, but one whose coming had long been
expected.  Joe, holding the last remaining piece, was walking upstairs
to find Ralph, with whom he wished to share it.  They met on the third
floor, and examined the specimine silently while standing by the
stairwell.

Unnoticed during their reverie, Hubert had approached, and asked Joe
what the small raisin-like lump sitting in his hand was.  Joe, being
in a slightly jocular mood, replied, "It's a raisin".  Hubert then
executed an excellent underhand-slap eit to Joe's unsuspecting cargo.
Joe quickly closed his hand.  He and Ralph looked upon each other with
horror as the enormity of the situation struck them.  Joe slowly
opened his hand, but to no avail.  The opium had been successfully
eited.  Joe turned slowly to Hubert and said simply, "That wasn't a
raisin, Hubert".

Fortunately, the story has a happy ending.  The prize was recovered,
and Joe, Ralph and Hubert all enjoyed its bounty.

			       Footnotes

1) "Eit" is one syllable, and is pronounced with a hard 'i' sound.  It
rhymes with "fight" and "right".  During a physical eit, the eiter
should verbalize the "eit" just as the object is leaving the eitee's
hand.

2) The foam room is a renovated closet at TEP that is filled to a depth
of three feet with soft red foam cubes.  For a while, it was infested
with nasty-crawly things that made you itch in unpleasant places.

3) The 23 refrigorator traditionally held expensive consumables that
people REALLY didn't want to see wet or defrosted.

4) Scallion is my cat.
