Completely Pathetic Losers

(A note for the sarcasm-impaired.)

If you're thinking that after seeing my picture you want to whip off a letter declaring your love for a total stranger you've never met, here are some things you might want to take a look at for inspiration. Especially if you want a reaction like these.

Declarations of True Love

"To tell you the truth, I read about you and fell in love with your personallity and good taste. Then I saw your picture and by combining the impressions I got on you from what I read and fro m your picture, I think I managed to get more than first impressions on you and your great per sonality and talents (IMHO). WWW can bring people together, and that's amazing too..."
Taken from a mail header...
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Subject:  I think I'm in love.
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Sent several hours after a several-sentence introduction congratulating me on going to Japan and describing how much he enjoyed reading my homepage, was this uuencoded gif. Wow. He can use xv. I'm sooooooo impressed.
Just when I thought I could maybe take this page away, its purpose had been served and nobody was sending me stupid mail anymore, something new shows up. Someone must have a really cruel and obnoxious sense of irony or something; I've been signed up (by someone impersonating me on a www form, using information in my homepage) for an online dating service on the web. The service sent me mail to confirm the profile I submitted, fortunately...so I didn't actually wind up in their database. (I hope. They didn't bother to respond to my letter telling them I *didn't* submit a profile...)

Unfortunately, I seem to have deleted the rest of the mail I've gotten about my homepage. It was even more annoying and less memorable than this. Yes, I've actually gone and deleted mail sent to me by people who saw my picture and just *had* to send me a completely pointless message. I knowingly deleted heartfelt mail containing their truest and deepest hormonal urges. And resisted *my* deepest urges to pull out a machine gun after reading them.