From SOCWLR@UHUPVM1.BITNET Fri Jul  3 08:58:17 1992
Date:         Sat, 4 Apr 1992 19:28:43 CST
Reply-To: "BALTUVA: Issues & questions of concern to observant Jews."
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Sender: "BALTUVA: Issues & questions of concern to observant Jews."
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From: carole marmell <SOCWLR@UHUPVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      midrash
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To: Multiple recipients of list BALTUVA <BALTUVA@MCGILL1.MIT.EDU>

Apologies to those of you on both lists, because you'll get this twice.

A midrash is a story written to flesh out possible motivations for
something in the Bible. The rabbi here passed this out to the
Confirmation students as an example of a midrash.

The Sacrifice of Isaac

by Woody Allen

...And Abraham awoke in the middle of the night and said to his only
son, Isaac. "I have had a dream where the voice of the Lord sayeth that
I must sacrifice my only son, so put your pants on." And Isaac trembled
and said, "So what did you say? I mean when He brought this whole thing
up?"

"What am I going to say?" Abraham said. "I'm standing there at two a.m.
in my underwear with the Creator of the Universe. Should I argue?"

"Well, did he say why he wants me sacrificed?" Isaac asked his father.

But Abraham said, "The faithful do not question. Now let's go because I
have a heavy day tomorrow."

And Sarah who heard Abraham's plan grew vexed and said, "How doth thou
know it was the Lord and not, say, thy friend who loveth practical
jokes, for the Lord hateth practical jokes and whosoever shall pull one
shall be delivered into the hands of his enemies whether they can pay
the delivery charge or not." And Abraham answered, "Because I know it was
the Lord. It was a deep, resonant voice, well-modulated, and nobody in
the desert can get a rumble in it like that."

And Sarah said, "And thou art willing to carry out this senseless act?"
But Abraham told her, "Frankly, yes, for to question the Lord's word is
one of the worst things a person can do, particularly with the economy
in the state it's in."

And so he took Isaac to a certain place and prepared to sacrifice him
but at the last minute the Lord stayed Abraham's hand and said, "How
could thou doest such a thing?"

And Abraham said, "But thou said--"

"Never mind what I said," the Lord spake. "Doth thou listen to every
crazy idea that comes thy way?" And Abraham grew ashamed. "Er--not
really...no."

"I jokingly suggest thou sacrifice Isaac and thou immediately runs out
to do it."

And Abraham fell to his knees. "See, I never know when you're kidding."

And the Lord thundered, "No sense of humor. I can't believe it."

"But doth this not prove I love thee, that I was willing to donate mine
only son on thy whim?"

And the Lord said, "It proves that some men will follow any order no
matter how asinine as long as it comes from a resonant, well-modulated
voice."

And with that, the Lord bid Abraham get some rest and check with him
tomorrow.

=======================

Carole Marmell