From: sipb7@Athena.MIT.EDU
Message-Id: <9207122232.AA09417@hodge>
To: mosquito@Athena.MIT.EDU
Subject: The Cosmonaut Who Never Returned
Date: Sun, 12 Jul 92 18:32:46 EDT


------- Forwarded Message

Received: from ATHENA.MIT.EDU by po6.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA24459; Thu, 9 Jul 92 18:00:35 -0400
Received: from PORTNOY.MIT.EDU by Athena.MIT.EDU with SMTP
	id AA12178; Thu, 9 Jul 92 18:00:32 EDT
From: mcmullan@Athena.MIT.EDU
Received: by portnoy.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA28914; Thu, 9 Jul 92 18:00:29 -0400
Date: Thu, 9 Jul 92 18:00:29 -0400
Message-Id: <9207092200.AA28914@portnoy.MIT.EDU>
To: sipb7@Athena.MIT.EDU
Subject: Cosmonaut

(Message inbox:597)
Received: from ATHENA.MIT.EDU by po7.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA02086; Mon, 29 Jun 92 12:01:32 -0400
Received: from hsdndev.harvard.edu by Athena.MIT.EDU with SMTP
	id AA02426; Mon, 29 Jun 92 12:01:26 EDT
Message-Id: <9206291601.AA01706@hsdndev.harvard.edu>
From: GEM.LASPAU@mhsgw.harvard.edu (GEM)
To: MCMULLAN@Athena.MIT.EDU (-)
Subject: Cosmonaut who never returned
Date: Mon, 29 Jun 92 11:27

To: BRAT, DALE, EON, ICP, INNOCENT, JAP, MCMULLAN, MELISA, SCOTT

THE MAN WITHOUT A PLANET

or

THE COSMONAUT WHO NEVER RETURNED

Tune: "The Man Who Never Returned"
Words: LunaCon 1992 Parody Workshop 

Let me tell you the story of a man named Sergei
Who set out to reach the stars.
He got into his capsule, blasted into orbit,
And left what was the U.S.S.R.

CHORUS: And did he ever return?  No, he never returned,
        And his fate is still unlearned.  (Poor Seryozha!)
        He may ride forever in the Mir Space Station - 
        He's the man who never returned!

So all summer lon Sergei circled the planet,
And he watched the world go by.
There were coups and secessions and a general election,
And he kissed his re-entry goodbye.

CHORUS

So he called Baikonur and he asked for assistance:
"Can you bring me down by beam?"
And they called back Sergei and said, "We can't help you;
"We're no longer a Unified Team!"

CHORUS

So all winter long they ferried provisions
To keep poor Sergei alive.
They sent fresh caviar and plenty of vodka
And some borshch to feed the drive.

CHORUS

And Mission Control was asked by Sergei,
"What's become of my Army pay?"
And they told the cosmonaut not to worry,
"For the ruble just collapsed today!"

CHORUS

The Yanks had a plan that would vary his diet
And get Sergei off that craft.
Just ask him to defect and we'll take him to McDonald's,
But Sergei thought that plan was daft.

CHORUS

So Sergei asked, "Why can't I re-enter,
"And land in Kazakhstan?"
They said, "We checked and you're carrying vodka,
"And that goes against the Koran!"

CHORUS

Then Sergei said, "Can I come home, someday?
"I am so lonely, please?"
And they said, "Not to worry, 'cause we heard your spacecraft
"Was just bought by the Japanese!"

CHORUS

So Sergei looked down from his place in orbit,
And said, "Hey I think it's great.
"If it's not Soviet and it's not a Union,
"I'm an independent state!"

LAST CHORUS: And I'll never return, no I'll never return,
             And my fate will be unlearned!
             I will ride forever in my own space station,
             I'm the man who never returned!


------- End of Forwarded Message