Date: Fri, 1 Dec 89 10:39:42 EST
From: Greg McMullan <mcmullan@EDDIE.MIT.EDU>
Message-Id: <8912011539.AA29206@EDDIE.MIT.EDU>
To: mosquito@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
Subject: some stuff that I thought you might like


THE DERIVATIVE SONG

Words by Tom Lehrer - Tune: "There'll be Some Changes Made"

You take a function of x and you call it y,
Take any x-nought that you care to try,
You make a little change and call it delta x,
The corresponding change in y is what you find nex',
And then you take the quotient and now carefully
Send delta x to zero, and I think you'll see
That what the limit gives us, if our work all checks,
Is what we call dy/dx,
It's just dy/dx.

THERE'S A DELTA FOR EVERY EPSILON (Calypso)

Words and Music by Tom Lehrer

There's a delta for epsilon,			But one condition I must give:
It's a fact that you can always count upon.	The epsilon must be positive
There's a delta for every epsilon		A lonely life all the others live,
	And now and again,				In no theorem
	There's also an N.				A delta for them.

			How sad, how cruel, how tragic,
			How pitiful, and other adjec-
			Tives that I might mention.
			The matter merits our attention.
			If an epsilon is a hero,
			Just because it is greater than zero,
			It must be mighty discouragin'
			To lie to the left of the origin.

			This rank discrimination is not for us,
			We must fight for an enlightened calculus,
			Where epsilons all, both minus and plus,
				Have deltas
				To call their own.

THE PROFESSOR'S SONG

Words by Tom Lehrer - Tune: "If You Give Me Your Attention"
	from Princess Ida (Gilbert and Sullivan)

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I'm a brilliant math'matician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I've one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true,
And I can't see why it isn't all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I'm hard to understand,
  And I can't think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word), (*)
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
  And I can't think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It's inversely proportional to something - let me see -
It's r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it's just r, I'll - bet
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget - 
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, "I have memorized the whole year through
Ev'rtything you've told us, but the problems I can't do."
   And I can't think why!


(*) This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote: /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/


  Are all odd numbers prime?
   Mathematician:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction...
   Physicist:  3 is prime, 5 is, 7 is, 9 isn't, 11 is, 13 is... Well, 
    within the limits of experimental error...
   Engineer:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime...
   English major:  What's a prime number?
   Politician:  What's a number?
   Philosophy major:  What is?
   Athletic Scholarship:  What?
   Mid-level manager:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... Who can
    I delegate this to?
   Literalist:  3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 
    9 is a very odd prime...
   Lawyer:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, although there appears to
    be prima facie evidence that 9 is not prime, there exists substantial 
    precedent to indicate that 9 should be considered prime.  The following
    brief presents the case for 9's primeness...
   Richard Nixon:  Put 9 on the enemies list.  I'm going to get that number.
   BBoarder:  3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime...
   Idiot:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime,... Wait a minute
    til I get my shoes off.
   Salesman:  3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get 3 primes
    for the price of 1.

Mary had a little lamb, and the midwife fainted.