From: Date: Thu, 3 Mar 88 13:11:58 EST To: opus@ATHENA.MIT.EDU, cheshire@ATHENA.MIT.EDU, rfrench@ATHENA.MIT.EDU Subject: [straz@MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU: [puccio: Kids these days]] Date: Thu, 3 Mar 88 09:58 EST From: Steve Strassmann Subject: [puccio: Kids these days] To: levitt@MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU, puccio@MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU, hour-of-lies@MEDIA-LAB.MEDIA.MIT.EDU In-Reply-To: <8803022051.AA14367@media-lab.MIT.EDU> I always thought those "kids history" things sounded very contrived. It's OK comedian material, and very funny, but it's a mistake to try to pass it off as authentic. If you like this kind of stuff, though, you'll love this. Here's two of my collections, one from computer science exams, the other from general school exams. ------------------------ >From a copy of the University College London Computer Centre Newsletter... >From the examination room: "You are warned that the Examiners attach great importance to the legibility, accuracy and clearness of expression". (Notice on answer books) While we cannot give you examples of legibility here are some of the gems of accuracy and clarity culled from this year's examination scripts. Students taking Computer Science examinations from many departments in several Colleges are the unknowing and anonymous contributors. "A program can be split into several (if not more) sub-programs." "Modularity is when a procedure has local variables." "A program which is not correct will not be used." "If a program is not correct it will fail." "We can spot a mistake easily if we know where it should be." "The use of correct statements improves the efficiency of the program." "Using the 'step-wise' refinement method it is difficult to make syntax errors." "The introduction of non-declared variables renders a [Pascal] program worthless, since it will not work." "The objectives of a program are to give results which are correct, efficient and easily modified." "No program should remain static or unchangeable, since this would render it useless commercially." "A time-driven monitor records where the computer is at that moment in time." "The first method is useless .... the second method is economical but time may be wasted, the first method does not present this problem." " ....the address of a(i) = address of a(0) + (i-1) ... " "A stack is used for information required in reverse order or all at once." "The best method to sort data is an IF THEN." "A list is a number of items ... related to other members of the list or just a numerical order which can be juggled without changing the members of the list from their storage positions." "A list consists of a row of elements, which can be represented by L(1), L(2), ... L(n), in which data is stored by calling the actual element and assigning it to the value." "A typical example of the use of a queue in computing would be if we were only dealing with specific information at any one time." "IF ( D .LT. (D-1) ) GOTO 20" "An array may be 2-dimensional, ie may have 2 sets of interchangeable values." Excerpt from a project report: "Another slight restriction on my program is that it does not work." >From a question of the accuracy of solving equations: "... has become -23 instead of the correct value 30, a difference of 56." Describing a VDU: "The curser commands." "Fortran is known as 'programming in the large', which means that the program can be very big." "A function or operator is said to be overloaded if the operands given require the function to yield a value of greater precision than it can." "Subrouteens." Finally, we know that spelling is difficult but it is still a surprise to find "allso", "peice", "neccasary" and the like. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date: 13 May 1986 0115-EDT From: The Outsider Subject: Science & You To: Humor Attention: Humor bboard THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: {Who said the educational system is below par? Read and enjoy.} Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. Geometry teaches us to bisex angles. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat. We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse. By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep. If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind. Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions. For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles. When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.