From basch@MIT.EDU Tue Jun 14 11:50:07 1994 Received: from ATHENA-AS-WELL.MIT.EDU by po6.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA20771; Tue, 14 Jun 94 11:50:36 EDT Received: from TARDIS.MIT.EDU by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AA02918; Tue, 14 Jun 94 11:50:09 EDT Received: by tardis.MIT.EDU (AIX 3.2/UCB 5.64/4.7) id AA19919; Tue, 14 Jun 1994 11:50:07 -0400 Date: Tue, 14 Jun 1994 11:50:07 -0400 Message-Id: <9406141550.AA19919@tardis.MIT.EDU> To: watchmakers@MIT.EDU, sipb@MIT.EDU Subject: Follow-up to email From: "Richard Basch" Status: R There is always the alternative to email, which is courtroom reporting... ------------begin forwarded message--------------------------------- >Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are >uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case >with language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an >army of courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and >preserve every statement made during the proceedings. > >Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand >Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom >bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor >in the Court, published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman's two >volumes, here are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by >America's keepers of the word: > > Q. What is your brother-in-law's name? > A. Borofkin. > Q. What's his first name? > A. I can't remember. > Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember > his first name? > A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair > and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them > your first name! > > Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? > A. I refuse to answer that question. > Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? > A. I refuse to answer that question. > Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? > A. No. > Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? > A. By death. > Q. And by whose death was it terminated? > > Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? > A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. > > Q. What is your name? > A. Ernestine McDowell. > Q. And what is your marital status? > A. Fair. > > Q. Are you married? > A. No, I'm divorced. > Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? > A. A lot of things I didn't know about. > > Q. And who is this person you are speaking of? > A. My ex-widow said it. > > Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney? > A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children > by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good. > > Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now? > A. I will be three months November 8th. > Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th? > A. Yes. > Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time? > > Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable? > A. I should be. > Q. How many times have you comitted suicide? > A. Four times. > > Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people? > A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people. > > Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased? > A. Yes, sir. > Q. Before or after he died? > > Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the > influence? > A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words. > > Q. What happened then? > A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can > identify me." > Q. Did he kill you? > A. No. > > Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? > A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work. > > Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? > A. No. > Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? > A. Picking them up in the air. > Q. Where was the dog at this time? > A. Attached to the ears. > > Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and > were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on > her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning > you and she, with him to the station? > MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot. > > Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? > What school do you go to? > A. Oral. > Q. How old are you? > A. Oral. > > Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff? > A: She is my daughter. > Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979? > > Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there >was a victim? > > Q: ...and what did he do then? > A: He came home, and next morning he was dead. > Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? > > Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you > indignities? > A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the >furniture. > > Q: So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you > observe with respect to your scalp? > A: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital. > Q: It was covered? > A: Yes, bandaged. > Q: Then, later on.. what did you see? > A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and > put on top of my head. > > Q: Could you see him from where you were standing? > A: I could see his head. > Q: And where was his head? > A: Just above his shoulders. > > Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this >defendant > A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that > sonofabitch- and she did! > > Q: Do you drink when you're on duty? > A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk. > > Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder > trial instead of an attempted murder trial? > A: The victim lived. > > Q: Are you sexually active? > A: No, I just lie there. > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > A: Yes, I have been since early childhood. > > Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, > objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? > A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. > > Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present? > A: It indicates intercourse. > Q: Male sperm? > A. That is the only kind I know. > > Q: (Showing man picture.) That's you? > A: Yes, sir. > Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right? ------- End Forwarded Message