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\title {\begin{center}
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Inessential Parent Telling-Off \\ {\small (\manvers)}
%\\ {\Huge\bf BLEED ON ME}
}

\author {Dave Cho (dcctdw@athena.mit.edu)}

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\begin{document}
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\section{Introduction: What is a parent?}

\begin{quotation}
par.ent 'par-*nt, 'per- p*-'rent-*l n [ME, fr. MF, fr. L parent-,
   parens, fr. prp. of parere to giv]e birth to 1: any of numerous 10-armed
   cephalopods (esp. of the genera Loligo and Ommastrephes) having a long
   tapered body, a caudal fin on each side, and usu. a slender internal
   chitinous support
\end{quotation}
Many SIPB members have parents whose description fits the above, somewhat
unorthodox, definition.  If your parent, or the more correct form, {\em
parental unit}, is conforming to the above definition, you should consider
{\em telling them off}.

\section{Getting Started}

When your {\em parental unit} starts to berate you about 
\begin{itemize}
\item your {\bf lifestyle},
\item the {\bf length of your hair},
\item or start asking lots of annoying questions like {\bf how to turn on the
PC}, 
\item {\bf how to program the VCR},
\item or even mundane things like {\bf where are the wrenches for the
bikes},

\item or really dumb questions like {\bf why didn't you call last night,
even though you were wiring all night for 6.111?},
\end{itemize}
then it's time to turn around and {\em open fire}.

\section{What to Start With}

First, inspect your vocabulary.  Is it full of what Miss Manners might call
{\em choice phrases}?  Can you ignite abestos at 100 feet with but a single
phrase?  (If not, ask jis for lessons.)  If your vocabulary is not up to
snuff, try practicing.  Note that going up to six \{black, Oriental,
Italian, black Italian, East European - Oriental\} guys and insulting them
is probably a {\bf bad idea}.

\section{Processing Your Flame}

At this point, you should figure out how to tell off your {\em
parental units}.  Granted, it may be very satisfying to start flaming
at them whilst still on the phone with them, telling them for the
42,895$^t$$^h$ time that {\em first} you plug in the machine, {\em then}
you turn it on, but in reality, it's probably better to have something
scripted out first.  Note that you don't want it overly scripted out,
because you'll look {\bf stupid}.  In general, however, telling your
{\em parental units} that
\begin{enumerate}
\item Saying that all your friends are weird is something your friends would call a compliment,
\item the length of your hair is totally irrelevant,
\item throwing the PC out the window is the best way to turn it on,
\item the VCR is programmable by all 4 year olds everywhere,
\item the bike wrenches were lost 3 years ago, and the ones before that
were eaten by the Handley's dog
\end{enumerate}
might make your life a bit easier.

\section{Wait!  Did you understand that?}

Let's review, just to make sure you understand.  If you notice that your
{\em parental units} are being $<${\bf CENSORED}$>$ (for example), then you
should {\em tell them off}.  This means that you stop taking abuse from
them and ram it back down their throat.  Flames on the order of {\em
billions} of {\em billions} of degrees Kelvin are usually {\bf
appropriate}.

\section{One last note}

It is often the case that your {\em parental units} pay lots of money for
you to be so comfortably well off in Hell.  In this case, you should
probably tone down your flaming, at about 1 degree Kelvin per thousand
dollars.  Maybe a hundred, if you're a last-term senior.

\section{Where to Get More Information}

Try listening to {\em Monty Python}.  If that doesn't make you cynical
and irreverent, forget it.  You might even try moving back in with
your {\em parental units}.

\section{Acknowledgments}

The author would like to thank Spineless Maximus and Flaming Parents Of
America, whose existence necessitated the creation this document.

\end{document}
