\documentstyle[11pt,ifthen,guidemacros,twoside]{report}

\stdsizes
\setcounter{secnumdepth}{3}
\renewcommand{\thesection}{\arabic{section}}
\renewcommand{\thesubsection}{\thesection.\arabic{subsection}}
\renewcommand{\thefigure}{\arabic{figure}}
\renewcommand{\theequation}{\arabic{equation}}

\def\$#1${{#1}}  % Kluge: collect RCS revision info without $...$
\xdef\manvers{\$Revision: 1.1 $}  % For use in headers, footers too

\title {\begin{center}
\hspace*{1mm}\special{psfile=funky-owl.PS hoffset=-100}\hspace*{1mm}
\vspace{2cm}
\end{center}
Inessential Refrigerator Restocking \\ {\small (\manvers)}
%\\ {\Huge\bf BLEED ON ME}
}

\author {Dave Cho (dcctdw@athena.mit.edu)}

% Trademarks and copyright symbols follow...
\def\PS{PostScript}
\def\LATEX{\LaTeX}
\newsavebox{\Scribe}
\sbox{\Scribe}{Scribe\protect\raisebox{.6ex}{\tiny TM}}
\def\SCRIBE{\usebox{\Scribe}}
\def\SIPB{SIPB}
% \def\LW{LaserWriter}
\def\LPS{Digital LPS40}
\def\LN03R{Digital LN03R}
\begin{document}
\maketitle
\newpage
\pagenumbering{roman}
\tableofcontents
\newpage
\pagenumbering{arabic}

\section{Introduction: What is a refrigerator?}

\begin{quotation}
re.frig.er.a.tor ri-'frij-*-.ra-t-*r n : something
that refrigerates or keeps cool : : a cabinet or room for keeping food or
other items cool : an apparatus for rapidly cooling heated liquids or
vapors in a distilling process
\end{quotation}
The SIPB owns a refrigerator for the express purpose of cooling {\em sodas}
and {\em juices}.  It is usually appreciated by people that their {\em
sodas} and {\em juice drinks} are cold.

\section{Getting Started}

When you see that the refrigerator is low on a particular {\em item} (for
instance, {\bf Coca-Cola}, also known as {\bf Coke}), then you should pause
and {\em think}.  We realize this is difficult for some people.

\section{What to Start With}

First, inspect the refrigerator and determine that the refrigerator really
is low.  Note that low means that it has less than a reasonable number of
cans left.  A {\em reasonable number} is often defined, in this case, to be
around 5.  If the refrigerator indeed has more cans than aforementioned
{\em reasonable number}, then you can skip this document, this time.

Otherwise, please continue.

\section{Processing Your Discovery}

At this point, you should inspect the stack of {\em sodas} and {\em juices}
located next to the music equipment.  If, for instance, the refrigerator is
low on {\bf Coke} and you see a case of {\bf Coke} sitting next to the
music equipment rack, then please take off any plastic covering and insert
said case into the {\em refrigerator}.

\section{Wait!  Did you understand that?}

Let's review, just to make sure you understand.  If you notice the
refrigerator is {\em low} on a particular {\em soda} or {\em juice}, then
(as the buzzwords in the trade go), {\bf restock} the refrigerator.  This
means you will have to {\em pause} and do something about the empty
refrigerator.  (On faster platforms, there may be a noticeable increase in
performance.)

%\section{One last note}
%
%If there are plastic rings on the {\em sodas} or {\em juices}, it is
%generally considered rather social to either break or slice them open with
%a knife, since rather nasty things can happen to various fuzzy creatures in
%the wild when the rings are dumped.  In fact, there are some very social
%people who take each can out of the ring, and then slice the rings, after
%inserting the case into the refrigerator.  This, however, should only be
%done by experts, and the reader who is just starting to learn from this
%document should not attempt such a brave move.

\section{Where to Get More Information}

Try calling your {\em mother}, and asking her about {\bf common courtesy}.
She'll probably be happy to explain.

\section{Acknowledgments}

The author would like to thank Stoopidicus Maximus and Cluless Dumfuck,
whose existence necessitated the creation this document.

\end{document}