
>Cartoon Law I
>=============
>Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
>situation.
>
>Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He loiters in
>midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down.  At this
>point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
>
>
>Cartoon Law II
>==============
>Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
>intervenes suddenly.
>
>Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are
>so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
>boulder
>retards their forward motion absolutely.  Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden
>termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
>
>
>Cartoon Law III
>===============
>Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to
>its perimeter.
>
>Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
>victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
>eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving
>a cookie-cutout-perfect hole.  The threat of skunks or matrimony often
>catalyzes this reaction.
>
>
>Cartoon Law IV
>==============
>The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
>equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
>down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
>
>Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably
>unsuccessful.
>
>
>Cartoon Law V
>=============
>All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
>
>Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
>directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or an adversary's
>signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
>chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.  The feet of a character
>who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground,
>especially when in flight.
>
>
>Cartoon Law VI
>==============
>As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
>
>This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's
>head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places
>simultaneously.  This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning
>or being throttled.  A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication
>only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity
>required.
>
>
>Cartoon Law VII
>===============
>Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
>entrances; others cannot.
>
>This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is
>known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an
>opponent
>will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.  The painter is
>flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. 
>This
>is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
>
>
>Cartoon Law VIII
>================
>Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
>
>Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might
>comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-
>pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed.  After a
>few
>moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or
>solidify.
>
>Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
>
>
>Cartoon Law IX
>==============
>Everything falls faster than an anvil.
>
>
>Cartoon Law X
>=============
>For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
>
>This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
>physical world at large.  For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
>happen to a duck instead.
>
>
>Cartoon Law Amendment A
>=======================
>A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
>
>When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
>character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
>
>
>Cartoon Law Amendment B
>=======================
>The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.
>
>Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
>objects appear from behind their backs at will.  For instance, the Road
>Runner
>can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
>
>
>Cartoon Law Amendment C
>=======================
>Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.
>
>They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
>
>
>Cartoon Law Amendment D
>=======================
>Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.
>
>Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
>suspended over a large vertical drop.  Its feet will begin to fall first,
>causing its legs to stretch.  As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
>begin to fall, causing the neck to strech.  As the head begins to fall,
>tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
>until such time as it strikes the ground.
>
>
>Cartoon Law Amendment E
>=======================
>Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
>laws hold).
>
>The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
>postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a space would cause the
>creation of hydrogen from nothing.  Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick
>sized) and unstable (lit).  Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces
>generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B,
>which
>may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their
>advantage.  One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from
>primal masses of dynamite exploding.  A big bang indeed.
>
>- -Jonathan

