[1265]  daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett) Humor 01/16/96 10:41 (49 lines)
Subject: HUMOR: The Superhighway of Information
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 1996 10:16:01 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>


Date: Mon, 15 Jan 1996 22:59:13 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: Road Warrior of the Infobahn
From: "Mark D Baushke" <mdb@cisco.com>
From: jmacdona@cisco.com
[previous Forwards lost]

 THINK of the computer highway AS a highway.

 There it is again.  Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information
 Superhighway."  They don't know JACK about the net.  It's NOTHING like a
 Superhighway.  That's a BAD metaphor.

 Yeah, but suppose the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction.  Suppose the
 HIGHWAYS were like the NET.  All right!  Severe craziness.  A highway
 HUNDREDS of lanes wide.  Most with potholes.  Privately operated bridges
 and overpasses.  No highway patrol.  A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles
 with broken whistles.

 500 member VIGILANTE POSSES with nuclear weapons.

 237 ON RAMPS at every intersection.  NO SIGNS.  Wanna get to Ensenada?
 Holler out the window at a passing truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic
 laws.  Some lanes would VOTE to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a
 CAPITAL OFFENSE on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00.  Other
 lanes would just SHOOT you without a trial for talking on a car phone.

 AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims
 and a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it.  Throwing DEAD WOMBATS
 and rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have been ASSEMBLED AT
 HOME from kits.  Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a top
 speed of nine miles an hour.  Others burn NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE at 120.

 No license tags.  World War II BOMBER NOSE ART instead.  Terrifying
 paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES.  Bumper mounted MACHINE GUNS.

 Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE PHOSPHORUS
 GRENADE up your tailpipe.  Flatbed trucks with ANTI-AIRCRAFT MISSILE
 BATTERIES to shoot down the KRUD Traffic Watch helicopter.  A little kid
 on a tricycle with a squirtgun filled with HYDROCHLORIC ACID.

 NO OFFRAMPS.

 Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system.
--[1265]--
