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\begin{document}
\title{Lore of the MITSFS\\
\#1: The Officers}
\author{Janice M. Eisen\\
(with some help form Guy Consolmagno and Tim Huckelbery)\\
retyped by Karl Ramm}
\maketitle
Newcomers to the MITSFS often stop to puzzle over a large organizational
chart that hangs by the door to the circulating room.
% by the window, not so prominent anymore
(See the reproduction accompanying this article; the original, created by
Greg Ruffa, is much more impressive.)  They are generally advised not to
try to make sense of it.  This is sound advice, because even by MITSFS
standards the chart has little relationship to reality.  Only a small
number of the offices are filled in any official fashion, and many are
mere relics of the past.

However, the chart does provide some insight into the history and
traditions of the MITSFS, although, as in most oral traditions, conflicting
versions of the past abound.  In the interest of collecting some of this
history (as well as filling some pages in TZ), I have put together all
known or guessed-at information about the origins and functions of the
various Officers of the MITSFS.  Any old-timers who cherish different
versions are welcome to let us know.

\section{The Star Chamber}

President:  Has but one power, to appoint the Skinner, who runs
everything.  This division of offices was made in the days when Institute
rules required that the President and Treasurer of student organizations be
undergraduates, in case a time should come when there were no undergrads
qualified to run the MITSFS.  Except in unusual circumstances, the
President usually appoints him or herself Skinnner.

Skinner:  Ruler of the MITSFS.  Definer of Natural Constants, Keeper of the
Gavel, etc., etc.  L. Court Skinner was a popular two-term President of the
Society, circa 1960-63.  Prior to his tenure, each MITSFS committee had its
own province and made its own decisions;  Skinner consolidated them under
the authority of the President.  When he graduated, the office was named
after him.

Vice:   {\it Not} Miami.  A fairly obvious choice of names.

Lord(Lady) High Embezzler:  The LHE keeps track of the money and is
traditionally supposed to abscond to Brazil with it.  The use of this title
in a listing for {\it Technique} prompted yearbook types to call the Onseck
into their office because they felt the wording was libelous.  They did not
accept the offer to come see the MITSFS's organizational chart, but did
print the listing.

Onseck:  Named during a period when Cordwainer Smith was in vogue around
the MITSFS.  It comes from his novel Norstrilia, in which the title had
evolved from ``Honorable Secretary.''  The Onseck keeps the minutes, deals
with correspondence, and does other such Onsecknal things.

\section{Other Offices on the Chart}

Permanent Deceased Librarian and President:  This office is held by George
Phillies, who is still among the living, or at least looks like he is.  As
Skinner, he bought the collection of paperbacks the formed the nucleus of
the book portion of the Library.  He also helped found the Strategic Games
Society (S.G.S.).


Jourcomm:  Journal Committee.  responsible for editing and publishing {\it
Twilight Zine.}  The post was inspired by Hugo Gernsback's urging that the
Society publish an educational journal.   This probably isn't what he had
in mind.  The traditional Jourcomm report at meetings is ``TZ Real Soon
Now,'' sometimes supplemented with plaintive requests that people write
something.

Libcomm:  Library Committee.  Originally responsible for nearly all the
work involved in running the Library.  Its functions were eventually split
into other committees.  Nowadays it is identified with Ken Johnson, who is
responsible for the magazine collection and some of the rarer books.

Interactivities Liaison:  The greasiest person around, and originally a
joke.  MITSFS has become substantially greasier in recent years, with the
apex probably a two-year period when a UA Vice President (ken Meltsner) was
a former Onseck, one Skinner (Judy Passman) was ASA President, and the
following Skinner (Tim Huckelbery) was LSC Chairman.

ROSFAP:  Registrar of Science Fictional Amateur Publications.  In other
words, keeps track of the fanzines.

Atomcommm:  See {\bf Seitz,} below.

Vergeltungsflotte:  German for Vengeance Fleet, usually abbreviated VGG.
Seeks to recover books and money due the Library, and imposes fines on
naughty Keyholders.

Eli Heffron \& Sons:  A Cambridge electronics surplus store.

People's Albanian Embassy:  When someone is flaming (or, more often these
days, makes a bad pun) at a MITSFS Meeting, and people don't want to listen
to him, his speech is defined to be in Albanian.  The People's Albanian
Embassy exists so the Society can communicate with him if need be.  The
Embassy is also responsible for collecting science fiction written in
Albanian.

Seitz:  J. Russel Seitz, once Vice, was reputed to have a Titan II missile
(or three Atlas missiles --- the stories vary) which he had constructed out
of government surplus parts.  He may also have claimed to be capable of
acquiring an atomic warhead; however other versions of the story say
Atomcomm was responsible for obtaining one.  Atomcomm was also in charge of
acquiring money for the Society by atomic, biological, or chemical
blackmail.  The Spofford Painting (see Spofford) was at one time named Lord
High Blackmailer.  (Seitz is now at Hahvahd and is occasionally quoted in
the press as an expert on nuclear weapons.)

National Committee to Map John Kenneth Galbraith into the Complex Plane,
Inc.:  Just what it says.

Theftcomm:  In charge of stealing the Bonestell murals from the Boston
Museum of Science.  Failing that, in charge of putting up posters
advertising the MITSFS.  It took over the functions of the previously
existing Compost (Poster Committee), Feecomm (Feeler Committee), and
Publicity Committee.

Moocomm:  Movie Committee.  In the distant past, MITSFS's major source of
income was the science fiction movies it showed once per term.  Circa 1965,
LSC become the only organization allowed to show movies regularly and
charge admission, thus making Moocomm obsolete.  Moocomm now reports on
science fiction movies being shown by LSC or elsewhere in the area.

Coofcomm:  Colonial Office Committee.  In charge of helping fledgling sf
clubs at other schools (e.g. ChUSFA at the University of Illinois at
Champaign-Urbana).  Also responsible for maintaining a strict policy of
mercantilism with regard to fledgling sf clubs.

Carnalcomm:  Carnival Committee.  Up until the late '60s, APO ran a
carnival every spring at which student activities had booths;  Carnalcomm
ran the MITSFS booth.  Carnalcomm is now in charge of the MITSFS booth at
the Activities Midway, held for the incoming freshlings each fall.

Picniccomm: Buys food and mails invitations for the annual MITSFS Picnic.

Hostess:  Looks pretty at the picnic.  (Well, the office was established in
the mid-60s.)

Gavelcomm:  Keeps track of the Gavel.

Titancomm:  Keeps track of the titanium Gavel Block.

Atlascomm:  Finds a rock suitable for substituting for the Gavel Block, or
lugs the Block itself to Elections, Boskone, etc.

Wellcomm:  Wellesley Committee.  Set up in 1967 to absorb Wellesley into the
Library.  Later responsible for publicizing MITSFS at Wellesley.  It has
fallen into disuse these days, I suppose because of the increased number of
women at MIT.

Fweekcomm:  Freshman Week Committee.  Coordinates MITSFS membership
recruitment during R/O week.

Cofincomm:  Committee for Foreign Correspondence.  Established to maintain
communication with Dick Harter when he went to South Dakota.

Meyercomm:  Keeps track of Ed Meyer, a super-fan of the '60s, who started
an APA called {\bf Ed's APA}, the members of which formed the nucleus of what
became {\bf NESFA} (The North East Shanghai Food Association).

Spofford:  MITSFS meetings used to be held in the Spofford Room, which
belongs to the Civil Engineering department and contains a large portrait
of Spofford.  Regular meetings are now held in the Library itself, but
Election Meetings are still held under Spofford's gaze.

Deceased Plant:  A dead potted plant in the Spofford Room was made a
Quaternary Officer for failing to defeat the Evil ARLewis for the office of
Onseck.  After it left, various other objects (equally dead) were named
{\bf Honorary Plant}.

Catacomm:  Catalogs the magazines.  Like Libcomm, the post is identified
with Ken Johnson.

Flushcomm:  In charge of arranging to have all the Institute toilets
flushed at once, to test the theory that doing so would destroy the
Institute's plumbing.

Bootcomm:  The Alpert, who was Skinner from 1970-72 (his first name is
Marc;  I don't know when the Society stopped referring to Skinners with the
definite Article) used to wear big boots.

Moccomm:  The Davidson (Scott), who was Skinner after The Alpert, wore
moccasins.  Skinnerial footwear seems to have become rather dull afterward,
since there are no more offices named after it.

Throgcomm:  Wears hideous yellow polka-dot ties to meetings.

Flamecomm:  Flames at meetings.  (For whatever non-MIT types may have
gotten this far, I should explain that flaming is an all-purpose MITism
referring to any speech that is too loud, too obnoxious, too long-winded,
too argumentative, too political, or otherwise annoying.)

Randomcomm:  Detects and gloats over scientific errors in SF.

Untitledcomm:  (Represented by an empty box on the Chart.)  Writes weird
replies to weird Letters the MITSFS gets.  Originally set up in 1972 to
respond to a letter from UCLA asking for advice on how to form an SF
society, saying they only had a comic book club.  The committee consisted
of Irwin T. Lapeer (aka Guy Consolmagno).

Slobcomm:  Set up to investigate the question of what evil Mr. Lobdell
could have done to cause a dining hall to be named after him.  It was also
in charge of writing words with calculators (e.g. 77308075 is Slobdell
upside down).  This was considered highly amusing back in 1973 when
calculators first came out.

Tablecomm (R.I.P.): Created in 1961 to arrange informal discussions of SF
by MITSFS members and other.  (May also have been in charge of caring for
the MITSFS's microfilm and tape collections, such as they are.)  its exact
fate is shrouded in mystery, though it is rumored that it eventually
deteriorated into a comic book discussion group and died out.  Others hold
that it was abolished and even its named effaced because its members were
obnoxious.

Den Mother\ \ \ \ \ \ : (There are six blank spaces after ``mother.'')  This
office is awarded to the person in the MIT administration who screws over
the MITSFS most.  There are always more than enough candidates.

GAcomm:  General Assembly Committee.  Attended meetings of the GA, which
used to be ``governing'' body of the Undergraduate Association.  It was
recently replaced by the UA Council, which is smaller but functions just as
well.  The office was a joke, too.

Official Theologian:  The person who pontificates the most.  The Alpert was
appointed to both this office and that of {\bf Chief Hairsplitter, 2nd
Class} for hairsplitting, etc.

Chief Biter:  Like the above, mostly self-explanatory.  A person who is
stupidly obnoxious in a destructive manner.

Baloneycomm:  Brings baloney to the Picnic.

Charcomm:  Burns the roast beef for the Picnic.

Pumpkincomm:  Reaffirms the Society's faith in the Great Pumpkin each
Halloween.  For a time, also had the duty of making sure that the Foreign
Students bulletin board had posted on it the Sunday comics, particularly
Peanuts, the Wizard of Id, and Pogo (later, Doonesbury).

Bananacomm:  Bring banana-related stuff to meetings.

NASAcomm:  Oddly enough, responsible for NASA.  Went to space shots.  Its
functions have been taken over by Whooshcomm, a revival of the ancient
Rocket Committee.  (Well, rockets sort of go {\it whoosh.})

Candycomm:  Responsible for sending a one-man, one-way expedition to Mars,
George Phillies to be that man.  ({\it Mars,} get it, huh?)

MADcomm:  Keeps track of the Society's collection of MAD magazines.

Analogcomm:  In the archives, it is said that the Society used to own some
{\it Playboy} magazines with SF-related stories.  They were sold, with the
notation: ``Received \$N for {\it Playboys} and so forth.''  A committee
was established to find out what the and-so-forth was.  And-So-Forth
becomes A.S.F = {\it Astounding Science Fiction,} which became {\it
Analog,} hence the name.  Since the person appointed, Paul Mailman, also
happened to be responsible for the Keyholder schedule sign-up sheets, the
committee absorbed that function.

Official Second:  Honorary title given to the member of the Loyal
Opposition who runs against the official slate.  Generally assigned to
whichever hack nomination was most beaten into the ground at the election.
Past title-holders include Cherey's studded leather belt, the blue string
macram\'e bikini, and Klyd (a boa constrictor), among others.

Coopcomm:  Tells the Coop what SF to buy.  I have no idea if it was ever
functional.

Chartcomm:  Designed the organizational chart.

Cornelia Otis:   A person that is not the same as {\it our} skinner.
(Cornelia Otis Skinner was a somewhat famous actress and author.) Collects
and reports on all entropies at meetings.  At its creation in 1968, Joe
Ross was appointed to it and ordered to generate random noise.

Ambassador to the Null Set:  May have been created in 1970.  May have a
rationale for existence, or maybe just seemed like a good idea.

International Committee to Overdamp the New Wave:  Also probably seemed
like a good idea.

Intercomm:  Responsible for international SF, that is, trades magazines
with non-MIT fans.  Also collects Perry Rhodans, etc.

Kangaroocomm: The Society's contact in Australia.

Keeper of the Schultz:  Paula Schultz was a member in the '60s whose
current boyfriend was given this post.

Secretary of HEW and Grammarcomm:  I have absolutely no idea.  If anyone
does, please let me know.

Hub Overgovernment:  A reference to the {\bf Telzey Amberdon} stories ---
the organization in charge of the ``official'' psis, as opposed to the
unofficial ones like Telzey.

Telzey Amberdon:  The Skinner's ``significant other.'' It used to be the
Skinner's girlfriend, but has become a unisex post now that MITSFS is an
equal opportunity organization.  Traditionally vacant, but this has not
been true for the pat few years.  Named for a character in stories by James
H. Schmitz who was supposed to be the most perfect woman in the universe.
(Every so often, somebody looking through old magazines runs across a story
called ``The Telzey Toy,'' and this provides hilarity for a few days.

Stranglecomm:  There are three different versions of what this office is:
1) Mark Swanson threatened to call The Alpert at 3 a.m. until he got an
article for TZ out of him.  (I sympathize!)  The Alpert said he would
strangle him.  The committee was set up to call The Alpert at 3 a.m. and
identify itself as Swanson.  2) Calls up the Skinner at 3 a.m. and says
``My name is Marc Alpert, and I'm cool.'' then hangs up.  3) Calls up
Jourcomm at 3 a.m. and asks, ``When is the TZ coming out?''

Ass.comm:  Committee to assassinate the Skinner.

\section{Active Offices Not Appearing on the Chart}

Panthercomm:  Responsible for Pinkdex, the index to the MITSFS Library.
Pinkdex was named after its first compiler, Fuzzy Pink (Marilyn) Wisowaty,
known thee days as Fuzzy Pink Niven (yes, that Niven).  Assisted by {\bf
Mancinicomm} (Henry Mancini wrote the Pink Panther theme music).

Treasurer:  Repairs books.  This office may have been named to provide an
out if there were no qualified undergrads to be LHE.  Then again, maybe
not.

Boredcomm:  Puts stuff on the MITSFS bulletin board, which is found just
off the Infinite Corridor.

Mobcomm:  Purchases books at the New England Mobile Book Fair, which has
everything in print at a discount.  We use it to fill gaps in the
collection.

Acidcomm:  Assistant Idiot in charge of book covering.  Puts plastic covers
on the hardcover books. (Also known as {\bf Bluebellcomm} since the plastic
came from Bluebell Plastics.)

Sitcomm:  Reports on television programs of interest to the Society.

MITSFS Mistress:  Sacrifices the Virgin Watermelon at the Picnic.  There may
have once been other job requirements;  Sylvia Johnson, the first one,
resigned the post because of ``back trouble''.

Pianocomm:  Responsible for the display of Keyholder pictures in the
Library, as well as revisions of the Keyholder Notes.

Boscomm:  Reports on Boskone.

Famecomm:  Reports on mentions of the Society or its members in non-MITSFS
publications.

\section{Dead, Defunct or Dormant Offices}

War Council:  Set up to contend with the Fountainhead of Evil on Campus
Here (FECH), i.e. Inscomm.  (The Institute Committee was the governing body
on campus prior to the creation of the UA General Assembly.  It consisted
of a bunch of greasy student types.)  It later expanded to ``fight the good
fight'' against {\it The Tech.}  Also got bookcases for the Library.
% no longer dormant, see also TitanicTetrisComm

Banquomm: Originally Bankcomm, in charge of food for the annual MITSFS
Banquet (which is also defunct).

Pilecomm:  Compilation Committee.  In charge of making lists of the best SF
or keeping records of books in the Library.

Knockcomm:  Assigned to get a Gavel.  It did, and also got a sounding
board.  Flushed November 18, 1960.

Psico:  Set up September 23, 1960 to investigate (seriously) psychic
phenomena.  Its members were referred to as psicoceramics (crackpots).  It
was flushed less than a year later.

Provisional Committee to Look Into Dean Drive:  What it says.  Set up
October 7, 1960.

Special Committee to Write to L. Sprague de Camp Asking Him To Come If It
Won't Cost Us Too Much:  What more can I say?  Established September 23,
1960 % compare Charliecomm

Ughcomm:  Set up March 5, 1976 for Uri Gutman.  (UG-Comm, h=hyphen)

Dismil:  Dishonorable Millercomm.  Set up in order to adjourn Meetings
February 6, 1976 because Miller wasn't there.

Malcomm:  Formed February 9, 1979 to find out what Malcom (Skerry, aka
Malcolm Y) was dropping before he claimed there were {\it people} in the
Library.

Omnicomm:  Set up briefly to reply to a letter from {\it Omni} concerning
the Society and how it could get the membership list for the Sales
Department.  Later reported on random {\it Omni} articles.

Smokcomm:  Formed October 13, 1961 to promote a MITSFS smoker. (An event,
not a nicotine addict.)

Cardcomm:  Got membership cards from Cambridge Press.  Established February
9, 1962.

Ambassador to Boston University, So Called, Administration Thereof:  Set up
right after the B.U., So Called, Administration was recognized by the
society on October 12, 1962.  There is no evidence that it ever did
anything ---- the Ambassador, not the Administration.

Comit\'e d'Affaires \'Etrange\`eres pour les Pays de Langue Fran\c caise
(Roughly translated, Foreign Affairs Committee for French-Language
Countries):  Wrote a letter to Charles De Gaulle, and actually got a reply
(from a flunky).  I hope the letter was written in better French than the
committee name was.
\end{document}
