Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet
on and off with your toes.

Blithwapping - v. Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the
wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.

Burbulation - n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a
refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the automatic
light comes on.

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and
picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the
vacuum one more chance.

Magnocartic - n. Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts
shopping carts.

Cinemuck - n. The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate
which covers the floors of movie theaters.

Elbonics - n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest
in a movie theater.

Flannister - n. The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer
together.

Fenderberg - n. The large glacial deposits that form on the insides
of car fenders during snowstorms.

Furbling - v. Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport
or bank even when you are the only person in line.

Genderplex - n. The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is
unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and
tortoises).

Gleemites - n. Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.

Gurmlish - n. The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich
which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the
roof of his mouth.

Idiot Box - n. The part of the envelope that tells a person where to
place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

Krogt - n. (chemical symbol: Kr) The metallic silver coating found
on fast-food game cards.

Lactomangulation - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk
carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.

Mittsquinter - n. A ballplayer who looks into his glove after
missing the ball, as if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.

Mustgo - n. Any item of food that has been sitting in the
refrigerator so long it has become a science project.

Narcolepulacy (nar ko lep' ul ah see) - n. The contagious action of
yawning, causing everyone in sight to also yawn.

Pediddel - n. A car with only one working headlight.

Petribar - n. Any sun-bleached prehistoric candy that has been
sitting in the window of a vending machine too long.

Phosflink - v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if,
somehow, that will bring it back to life).

PIYAN (pi' an) - n. (acronym: "Plus If You Act Now") Any
miscellaneous item thrown in on a late night television ad.

Purpitation - v. To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you
don't want it, and then put it in another section.

Scribline - n. The blank area on the back of credit cards where
one's signature goes.

Slurm - n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar
when it sits in the dish too long.

Spagmumps - n. Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany
mail-order items.

Spirobits - n. The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral
notebook.

Spirtle - n. The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands
right in your eye.

Squatcho - n. The button at the top of a baseball cap.

Telepression - n. The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing
that you did not try hard enough to "look up the number on your
own" and instead put the burden on the directory assistant.

Snacktrek - n. The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of
constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new
will have materialized.

Yinkel - n. A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping
no one will notice.

Nugloo (nug' lew) - n. Single continuous eyebrow that covers the
entire forehead.

Sniglet (snig'lit) - n. Any word that doesn't appear in the
dictionary, but should.

Flammabyte - n. That ever changing address in memory which always
causes programs to blow up.

Tricklemicrochips - n. Those little tiny broken pieces of Doritos that
seem to trickle to the bottom of the bag or bowl no matter what.

Mastacambulistophile - n. Someone who walks while eating, as from the
local coffee and donut stand back to his office.

Omnibiblious - adj. Indifferent to type of drink. "Oh, you can get me
anything. I'm omnibiblious."

Deodorend - n. The last 1/2 inch of stick deodorant that won't turn up
out of the tube, and thus cannot be used without inducing lacerations.

Burgacide - n.  What you call the desperate action of a hamburger
leaping to its death through the holes in the Bar-B-Q grill.

Netsec - n. A Unit of time used in indicating work time lost due to
reading net.jokes

Pelutho - n. A South American ball game. The balls are whacked against
a brick wall with a stout wooden bat until the prisoner confesses.

Gweek - n. A coat hanger recycled as a car aerial.

Brumby - n. The fake antique plastic seal on a pretentious whiskey bottle.

Clunes - n., pl. People who just won't go.

Shirmers - n., pl. Tall young men who stand around smiling at weddings
as if to suggest that they know the bride rather well.

Hoaraxiomist - n. A Person who reasons about the meaning of programs.

Efforex - n., v. Substitute.

Eddihate - v. To turn off the stereo or television set when a Crazy
Eddie commercial appears.

Luposlipaphobia - n. The fear of being pursued by timber wolves around
a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.

Carcreak - n. Those crackling, tinkling, creaky noises your car makes
after you park and turn it off.

Begathon - n. A multi-day event on public television, used to raise
money so you won't have to watch commercials.

Bargue (bar' gyoo) - v. To whine, fuss, and complain a great deal
while at the same time trying to get someone to see your point of
view.  Ex: The young child bargued with his father until his father
gave in and let him stay up past his bedtime.

Dillrelict (dil rel' ikt) - n. The last pickle in the jar that avoids
all attempts to be captured.

Opling (op' pling) - n. The act, when feeding a baby, of opening and
closing one's mouth, smacking one's lips and making "yummy" noises, in
the hope that baby will do the same.

Thermalophobia (thur muh lo fo' be uh) - n. The fear when showering
that someone will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.

Woowad (wew' wad) - n. Giant clumps of stuck-together rice served at
Chinese restaurants.

Busblender (bus' blend dur) - n. The device at the front of the bus
that tosses your fare around for a while, then swallows it.

Methylphobia (meth il fo' be uh) - n. The fear that you are going to
have to pay for the one cent you over-pumped at the self-service
station.

Negatile (neh' guh tyl) - n. An area of the bathroom floor where,
somehow, the scale registers you five pounds lighter.

Testlice (test' lys) - n. Those tiny bugs that invade your hair when
you're taking an exam.

Permapression (pur' muh preh shun) - n. The discovery that there is no
real difference in the various cycles of your washing machine.

Furbula (fer' byew luh) - n. The designated chewing area on a dog's
back.

Rignition (rig ni' shun) - n. The embarrassing action of trying to
start one's car with the engine already running.

Yotate (yoh' tayt) - v. To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself.

Mopeeps (moh' peeps) - n. People compelled to look through the curtain
opening of your motel room as they pass by.

Mummabolic chorus (mum uh bah' lik ko' rus) - n. When three or more
people are singing along to a tune and suddenly dsiscover they are all
faking their way through the unintelligible lyrics.

Nevitts (nev' itz) - n. The sandpaper-like deposits on a cat's tongue.

Chipfault (chip' fawlt) - n. The stress point on a potato chip where
it breaks off and stays behind in the dip.

Postalports (poh' stul pawrtz) - n. The annoying windows in envelopes
that never line up with the address.

Backspackle (bak' spak uhl) - n. Markings on the back of one's shirt
from riding a fenderless bicycle.

Reled (ree led') - v. To reset all the digital clocks in the household
following a power failure.

Umbrace (uhm' brays) - n. The small strap that holds an umbrella in
place.

Mumphreys (mum' freez) - n. (a useless sniglet) Those strange extra
digits you find on push-button phones.

Stroodle (stru' dul) - n. The annoying strand of cheese stretching
from a slice of hot pizza to one's mouth.

Zipcuffed (zip' cuft) - v. To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty
zipper.

Speclums (spek' lums) - n. The miniscule bumps on a strawberry.

Rovalert (ro' val urt) - n. The system whereby one dog can quickly
establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.

Gummerator (gum' uhr ay ter) - n. The pointed rubber object on the end
of some toothbrushes.

Baldage (bald' aj) - n. The accumulation of hair in the drain after
showering.

Upuls (yu' puls) - n. The blank pages at the beginning and end of
books, presumably placed there so you can rewrite the ending.

Exaspirin (eks as' prin) - n. Any bottle of pain reliever with an
impossible-to-remove cotton wad at the top.

Creedles (kre' dulz) - n. The colony of microscopic indentations on a
golf ball.

Cabnicreep (kab' nih kreep) - n. The structural condition in which the
closing of one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.

P-spot (pee' spaht) - n. The area directly above the urinal in public
restrooms that men stare at, knowing a glance in any other direction
would arouse suspicion.

Beavo (bee' vo) - n. A pencil with teeth marks all over it.

Fictate (fik' tayt) - v. To inform a television or screen character of
impending danger under the assumption they can hear you.

Retrocarbonic (ret ro kar bon' ik) - n. Any drink machine that
dispenses the soda before the cup.

Twinch (twinch) - n. The movement a dog makes with its head when it
hears a high-pitched noise.

Eufirstics (yew fur' stiks) - n. Two people waiting on the phone for
the other to hang up first.

Uhfage (uff' aj) - n. The unit for determining a television's age,
that is, the amount of time it takes for the picture to appear once
the set has been turned on.

Pulpid (puhl' pid) - n. A kid who enjoys the carton more than the item
that came in it.

Brazel (brah' zul) - n. The scratch plate on a matchbook.

Fraznit (frahs' nit) - n. Any string hanging from an article of
clothing which when pulled causes the article to completely unravel.

Bazookacidal Tendencies (bah zew' kuh sy dal  ten' den seez) - n.  The
overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the
gigantic gum bubble billowing from someone's mouth.

Snargle (snar' gul) - v. To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie
by filtering it through one's fingers.

Musquirt (mus' kwirt) - n. The water that comes out of the initial
squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.

Blooage (blew' ij) - n. The residue left on fingers after using an
S.O.S pad.

Flopcorn (flop' korn) - n. The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the
cooker.

Grintiger (grin' tuh jer) - n. The numbered code on the back of a greeting
card that, when deciphered, reveals the price.

Cubelo (kyew' beh lo) - n. The one cube left by the person too lazy to
refill the ice tray.

Petrool (pet' rul) - n. The slow, seemingly endless strand of motor oil
at the end of the can.

Waftic (wahf' tik) - adj. Describes any person in whose direction campfire
or barbeque smoke always blows.

Blurfle (bler' ful) - v. To be caught talking at the top of one's
lungs when the music at the bar or disco suddenly stops.

Petonic (peh ton' ik) - adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front
of a household pet.

Flotion (flo' shun) - n. The tendency when sharing a waterbed to undulate
for five minutes every time the other person moves.

Slottery and Vendication (slot' er ee  and  ven' di kay shun) - n. A public
misdemeanor in which a person gambles  on a vending machine, loses,
and tries to exact revenge by kicking it.

Mozzalastics (maht suh las' tiks) - n. Large deposits of cheese that stick
to the top of the pizza box.

Glackett (glak' it) - n. The noisy ball inside a spray-paint can.

Eiffelites (eye' ful eyetz) - n. Gangly people sitting in front of you
at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

Accordionated (ah kor' de on ay tid) - adj. Being able to drive and refold a
road map at the same time.

Mophenes (mo' feenz) - n. The semi-truck headlights that invade your motel
room at three in the morning.

Frustra (frus' trah) - n. The special plastic used in the manufacture of 
fast-food ketchup packets.

Neutron Peas (new' tron peez) - n. Tiny green objects in TV dinners that remain
frozen even when the rest of the food has been microwaved beyond recognition.

Bovilexia (bo vil eks' e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car
window and yell "Moo!" every time you pass a cow.

Frankfluid (frank flew' id) - n. The liquid at the bottom of hot dog packages.

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib' re um) - n. The point where the stream of drinking
fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from
(a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

Cushup (kush' up) - v. To sit down on a couch somehow causing the cushion next
to you to rise.

Vacation Elbow (vay kay' shun el' bo) - n. A condition that suddenl develops
in a father's arm during a vacation trip that allowed him to reach out and
slap you from incredible distances.

Grackles (grak' elz) - n. The wrinkles that appear on the body after staying
in water too long.

Philopologist (fil ah pahl' ah jist) - n. A specialist who loads people onto
amusement rides.

Zerblot (zur' blaht) - n. The last kid picked in any neighborhood
sporting event.

Squalkeenus (skwal ke' nus) - n. The shock syndrome that comes from biting
into a popsicle with one's front teeth.

Furterus Zone (fer ter' us zohn) - n. The empty stretches of bun on either
end of a hot dog.

Detruncus (de trunk' us) - n. The embarrassing phenomenon of losing one's
bathing shorts while diving into a swimming pool.

Turfigee and Pedigee (ter' fih jee  and  ped' ih jee) - n. The two extreme
target points of a rotary lawn sprinkler, TURFIGEE being the safest point at
which to walk past, PEDIGEE being the most dangerous.

Blivett (blih' vit) - v. To turn one's pillow over and over, looking for
the cool spot.

Gimplexus (gim plek' sis) - n. Rear area of thighs, which must be peeled from
car seat on hot summer days.

Sirlines (sir' lines) - n. The lines on a grilled steak.

Microts (my' krotz) - n. The two thumbnail-sized pieces you end up with when
trying to remove a paper towel in a public washroom.

Cheedle (chee' dul) - n. The residue left on one's fingertips after consuming
a bag of Cheetos.

Werxilation (wurks ul ay' shun) - n. The property of some screen doors to
start to slam shut only to catch themselves at the last moment and
"float" to a gentle close.

Greelite (gree' lite) - n. The eerie glow that emanates from beneath
escalator steps.

Yardribbons (yard rib' onz) - n. The unmowed patches of grass discovered
after one has put away the mower.

Conagraphs (kohn' a grafs) - n. The raised relief squares on an ice cream cone.

Malibugaloo (mal ih boo' guh lew) - n. A dance that affects barefoot
beachgoers on hot summer days.

Circuloin Technique (sur' kew loyn tek neek') - n. The popular approach to
steak dining in which one eats around the edges first, then works his way
toward the middle.

Slurch (slerch) - n. The combination "ouch" and slurping noise one makes when
eyeing someone else's bad sunburn.

Glamp (glamp) - n. The telescopic device used to retrieve
golf balls from ponds.

Speraws (sper' awz) - n. The pinched marks on the ends of hot dogs.

Bursploot (ber' sploot) - v. To position one's thumb at the end of a garden
hose to increase the pressure.

Uclipse (yew' klips) - n. The dangerous arc into another lane made by drivers
just before executing a turn.

Hydralation (hi dra lay' shun) - n. Acclimating oneself to a cold
swimming pool by bodily regions: toe-to-knee, knee-to-waist,
waist-to-elbow, elbow-to-neck.

Spood (spewd) - n. Flat wooden "spoon" that accompanies ice cream cups.

Crinks (krinks) - n. Crevices and junctions where car wax gets in but
doesn't get out.

Zeept (zeept) - n. The accumulation of dead insects around an
electric bug freyer.

Squigger (skiwg' uhr) - n. A cherry tomato that explodes upon
contact with a fork.

Fods (fahdz) - n. Couples at amusement parks who wear identical T-shirts,
presumably to keep from getting lost.

Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

Execuglide (eks ek' yew glyd)- v. To propel oneself about an office without
getting up from the chair.

Dipwavers (dip' way vurz) - n. People who raise their hands when
riding on roller coasters.

Pretzaline (pret sah leen') - n. The salt deposit at the bottom of
a bag of pretzels.

Circumpopulate (sur kum pop' yew layt') - v. To finish off a popsicle
"laterally" because the "frontal" approach causes one to gag.

Squaffles (skwa' felz) - n. The individual squares comprising a waffle.

Foys (foyz) - n. Missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that you later find stuck
to the underside of your arm.

Anaception (an a sep' shun) - n. The body's ability to actually affect
television reception by moving about the room.

Brimplet (brim' plit) - n. A frayed shoelace that must be moistened to
pass through a shoe eyelet.

Photoyokel (fo to yo' kul) - n. A person who presses the wrong button on
a film camera causing it to dismantle.

Gizzledipplers (gih' zul dip lurz) - n. Those annoying waving hands seen on
the back of Winnebagos (placed there by people too lazy to be
friendly on their own).

Aeropalmics (ayr o palm' iks) - n. The study of wind resistance conducted by
holding a cupped hand out the car window.

Squatcho (skwatch' oh) - n. (another useless sniglet) The button at the top
of a baseball cap.

Pigslice (pig' slys) - n. The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone
is secretly dying for.

Loggium (log' yum) - n. Water that drips from one's nose hours after swimming.

Krogling (kroh' gling) - n. The nibbling of small items of fruit and produce
at the supermarket, which the customer considers "free sampling" and the
owner considers "shoplifting".

Hempennant (hem' pen ent) - n. Any coattail, cuff, or dress hem
dangling outside the door of a moving vehicle.

Oreosis (awr ee oh' sis) - n. The practice of eating the cream center
of an Oreo before eating the cookie outsides.

Anticiparcellate (an ti si par' sel ate) - v. Waiting until the
mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail,
so as not too appear too anxious.

Icision (ih sih' zhun) - n. Delicate operation performed on
Neapolitan-flavored ice cream in which one entire flavor is precisely
and systematically removed.

Knuck (nuk) - n. Ice cream collected on the back of the hand when
scraping the last portions from the box.

Grisknob (grisd' nahb) - n. The end of a chicken drumstick which
always gives the appearance of having more chicken on it.

Lodgecombing (loj' coh ming) - n. Final reconnaissance before vacating
a motel room.

Polarind (poh' luh rynd) - n. The peeling on a polaroid snapshot.

Gromaxes (grom' ack sis) - n. Inside area of knees used to grip
steering wheel when holding a map.

Spagellum (spa gel' um) - n. The loose strand on each forkful of
spaghetti that beats one about the chin and whiskers.

Jukejitters (jook' jit erz) - n. Fear that everyone thinks that you
picked the awful tune emanating from the jukebox when it was actually
the person before you.

Spudrubble (spud' rubb uhl) - n. Unclaimed french fries at the bottom
of a fastfood bag.

Keyfruit (kee' froot) - n. The one apple, pear, or tomato in the
stand that, when removed, causes all the others to tumble forward.

Careena (ka reen' uh) - n. Any mangled or missing piece of highway
guard rail.

110 At The Equator (won' ten at the ek way' tawr) - n. Any burning
sensation experienced directly below the navel when putting on a pair
of jeans straight from the dryer.

Piewagon (py' wa gun) - n. The small vehicle that carries games pieces
around a Trivial Pursuit board.

Gertatious (gur tay' shus) - adj. Having the adolescent fear that
hanging one's arm over the bed at night will mean being dragged under.

Mowmuffins (mo' muh finz) - n. The dried accumulation of grass on the
underside of lawn mowers.

Bugpedal (bug' ped uhl) - v. To accelerate or decelerate rapidly in an
attempt to remove a clinging insect from a car's windshield.

Shocklet (shahk' lit) - n. The seldom-used third hole on an electrical
outlet.

Pillsburglar (pilz' berg ler) - n. Person able to sample the icing on
a new cake without leaving a fingerprint.

Hacula (hak' yew luh) - n. The last few inches of tape measure or lawn
mower cord that refuses to rewind automatically.

Oopzama (ewp' za muh) - n. Sudden scratching of scalp or face upon
realization that the person you were waving at isn't who you thought
it was.

Cigadent (sig' a dent) - n. Any accident involving a cigarette: for
instance when it sticks to your lips while your fingers slide off and
get burned.

Slopweaver (lsahp' wee vuhr) - n. Someone who has mastered the art of
repositioning the food on his plate to give the appearance of having
consumed a good portion of it.

Gleemule (glee' mule) - n. (a unit of measure) One unit of toothpaste,
measured from bristle to bristle. (Not to be confused with GLEEMITES,
which are petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.)

Linenee (lih nen ee') - n. The member of a two-person folding team at
the laundromat who takes the sheet and completes the fold.

Otisosis (oh tis oh' sis) - n. The inability to meet anyone else's
eyes in an elevator.

Aeroma (ayr oh' ma) - n. The odor emanating from an exercise room
after an aerobics workout.

Nocturnuggets (nok' ter nuh gitz) - n. Deposits found in one's eye
upon awakening in the morning, also called: GOZZAGAREENA, OPTIGOOK,
EYEHOCKEY, etc.

Floles (flolz) - n. The extra (fourth and fifth) holes in notebook
paper.  Created in the hopes that one day mankind will perfect a "five
ring binder".

Primpo (prim' po) - n. A person who passes a mirror then has to step
back, presumably to reassure himself he still exists.

Optortionist (op tor' shun ist) - n. The kid in school who can turn
his eyelids inside out.

Sprout Lines (sprowt lynz) - n. Visible lines at the bottom of trouser
legs where the hems have been let down.

Erdu (uhr' dew) - n. The leftover accumulation of rubber particles
after erasing a mistake on a test paper.

Nicometer (nik oh mee' tee awr) - n. A cigarette that exits though a
car's front window and reenters through the back.

Charp (charp) - n. The green, mutant potato chip found in every bag.

Famamage (fa mam' aj) - v. To eliminate any annoying engine noise by
simply turning up the volume of the radio.

B+ Stampede (bee' plus stam peed) - n. The attempt by half the
classroom to claim the paper with no name on it.

Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) - n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.

Crayolla (kray oh' lee uh) - n. The area on the refigerator where
kindergarten drawings are displayed.

Multipochoholes (mul ti po' cho holz) - n. Wounds left in the test
papers from overerasing.

Puntificate (puhn tih' fih kayt) - v. To try to predict in what
direction a football will bounce.

Bumperglints (bump' ur glintz) - n. The small reflective obstacles in
the middle of interstate highways which supposedly keep drivers awake
and on track.

Telletiquette (tel et' ih ket) - n. The polite distance kept by one
person behind another at an automatic teller machine (so as not to be
suspected of trying to glimpse that person's secret code).

Hangle (hang' ul) - n. A cluster of coat hangers.

Ferroles (fer' olz) - n. The holes in the bottom of a steam iron.

Gazinta (gah zin' tuh) - n. Mathematical symbol for division; also the
sound uttered when dividing out loud. (Example: "Four gazinta eight
twice.")

Scribblics (skrih' bliks) - n. Warm-up exercises designed to get the
ink in a pen flowing.

Kawashock (kah wah shahk') - n. Pulling into the last remaining
parking spot only to discover a motorcycle there.

Chwads (chwadz) - n. The small, disgusting wads of chewed gum commonly
found beneath table and counter tops.

Brattled (brat' uld) - adj. The unsettling feeling, at a stoplight,
that the busload of kids that just pulled up beside you is making fun
of you.

Table Snorkeling (tay' bul snawrk' ling) - n. Frantic gesticulations
when one bites into hot food and has to take in air to cool it off.

Piepushers (py' puh shurz) - n. Attendants at fast-food restaurants
who, no matter what you order, try to unload apple or cherry turnovers
on you.

Cereoallocative (ser r o al' o ka tuv) - adj. Describes the ability of
a seasoned breakfast eater to establish a perfect cereal/banana ratio,
assuring there will be at least one slice of banana left for the final
spoonful of cereal.

Squatic Diversion (skwa' tik dy vur' zhun) - n. Any pretended activity
that commands a dog owner's attention while the dog relieves itself on
a neighbor's lawn.

Flintstep (flint' step) - v. To wind up one's feet before running away
in fear.  Common among cartoon characters.

Bomca (bahm' ka) - n. A lubricant derived from the salivary gland used
for turning book pages.

Pielibrium (pu lih' bree uhm) - n. The point at which the crust on a
wedge of pie outweighs the filling and tips it over.

Microtrek (my' kro trek) - n. Any nervous trip to the microwave oven
to make sure the food hasn't incinerated.

Hozone (ho' zohn) - n. The place where one sock in every laundry load
disappears to.

Somnambapologist (som nam ba pol' uh jist) - n. Person too polite to
admit he was sleeping even when awakened at three in the morning.

Gladhandling (glad' han dling) - n. To attempt, with frustrating
results, to find and separate the ends of a plastic sandwich or trash
bag.

Orosuctuous (or oh suk' chew us) - adj. Being able to hold a glass to
one's face by sheer lung power.

Bleemus (blee' mus) - n. The dsigusting film on the top of soups and
cocoa that sit out for too long.

Finnage (fin' aj) - n. The act of watching your money swallowed up as
your groceries ride the conveyor belt at the supermarket.

Chalktrauma (chawk' traw ma) - n. The body's reaction to someone
running his fingernails down a chalkboard.

Gyroped (jy'roh ped) - n. A kid who cannot resist spinning around on a
diner stool.

Shoefly (shew' fliy) - n. The aeronautical terminology for a football
player who misses the punt and launches his shoe instead.

Niz (niz) - n. An annoying hair at the top of a movie screen.

Flurrant (fluhr' uhnt) - n. The one leaf that always clings to the end of
the rake.

Mimoids (mim' oydz) - n. People addicted to the smell of newly mimeographed
test papers.

Bowlikinetics (boh lih kih neh' tiks) - n. The act of trying to control a
released bowling ball by twisting one's body in the direction one wants it
to go.

Combiloops (kom' bih lewps) - n. The two or three unsuccessful passes
before finally opening a combination locker.

Orogami (or oh ga' mee) - n. The miraculous folding process that allows
Kleenexes to methodically emerge from the box one ate a time.

Phozzle (fo' zul) - n. The buildup of dust on a record needle.

Bimp (bimp) - n. A blurry or "double-edged" felt-tip marker.

Fetchplex (fech' pleks) - n. State of momentary confusion in a dog whose
owner has faked throwing the ball and palmed it behind his back.

Squanderprint (skwan' duhr print) - n. Directions that try to make you use
up a product faster than you normally would.  (Ex.: Apply shampoo. Lather.
Rinse. Repeat.)

Elmerdermis (el mur durm' is) - n. The white sheath that surrounds the
nozzle of a glue dispenser.

Arachnidiot (ar ak ni' di ot) - n. A person, who, having wandered into an
"invisible" spider web, begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

Limalope (ly' muh lohp) - n. The dsigusting foreskin on a lima bean.

Sark (sark) - n. The marks left on one's ankle after wearing tube socks all
day.

Subnougate (sub new' get) - v. To eat the bottom caramels in a candy box
and carefully replace the top level, hoping no one will notice.

Phistel (fis' tul) - n. The brake pedal on the passenger side of the car
that you wish existed when you're riding with a lunatic.

Manillium (mah nil' ee yum) - n. The lifespan of the clasp on a manila
envelope before it breaks off and dies.

Laminites (lam' in itz) - n. Those strange people who show up in the photo
section of brand-new wallets.

Snuggage (snuh 'gaj) - n. The act of retying both shoestrings when only one
needed it.

Airdirt (ayr' dirt) - n. A hanging plant that's been ignored for three
weeks or more.

Gription (grip' shun) - n. The sound of sneakers squeaking against the
floor during basketball games.

Snackmosphere (snak' moh sfeer) - n. The empty but explosive layer of air
at the top of a potato chip bag.

Motspur (mot' sper) - n. The pesky fourth wheel on a shopping cart that
refuses to cooperate with the other three.

Fuffle (fuh' ful) - v. To assume, when dining out, that you are making
things easier on the waitress by using the phrase "when you get a chance..."

Penciventilation (pen si ven ti lay' shun) - n. The act of blowing on the
tip of a pencil after sharpening it.

Lorp (lawrp) - n. The part of the shoe that collapses when you try to pull
it on without a shoehorn.

Inkslick (ink' slik) - n. A greasy spot on a piece of stationery or test
paper.

Pewtone (pyu tone') - n. (chemical symbol: Pu) A major atmospheric
component of towns with paper mills.

Joes of Arc (johz' uhv ark) - n. Tiny drops of Mr. Coffee that die on the
burner after the pot is removed.

Digitritus (dij ih tree' tus) - n. Deposits found between the links of a
watchband.

Picklettulance (pik ul et' yu lans) - n. The ability to remember the entire
family's order at a fast-food restaurant.

Grantnap (grant' nap) - n. The extra five minutes of sleep you allow
yourself that somehow makes all the difference in the world.

Thrickle (thri' kel) - n. The itch in the back of the throat which can't be
scratched without making disgusting barnyard-type noises.

Bixplex (biks' pleks) - n. Psychological block in which a person cannot
choose which color of disposable lighter to purchase.

Nizzlebrill (nih' zuhl bril) - n. The "night-day" switch on a rearview
mirror.

Irant (eye' rant) - n. A seamless pistachio; a pistachio nut afraid to come
out in public.

Pupkus (pup' kus) - n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

The Cranial Stomp (the kray' nee uhl stomp) - n. A somewhat primitive dance
performed by youngsters trying to step on the heads of their shadows.

Gibble (jib' buhl) - n. The sliding keyhole cover on a car trunk.

Mattrescotting (mat' res kot ing) - n. The pattern of gray and white lines
on an instituional mattress.

Doork (dawrk) - n. A person who always pushes on a door marked "pull" or
vice versa.

Ufluation (yu flu ay' shun) - n. The peculiar habit, when searching for a
snack, of constantly returning to the refigerator in hopes that something
new will have materialized.

Pajangle (pah jan' gul) - n. Condition of waking up with your pajamas
turned 180 degrees.

Lub (lub) - n. The small deposit of spinach that lodges itself between
one's teeth.

Nifleck (nih' flek) - n. The unmarked domino in the set.

Lotshock (laht' shahk) - n. The act of parking your car, walking away, and
then watching it roll past you.

Gapiana (ga pee ah' nah) - n. The unclaimed strip of land between the "you
are now leaving" and "welcome to" signs when crossing state lines.

Shuzma (shuhz' muh) - n. The portion of window cleaner that the spray tube
can no longer reach.

Voitlock (voyt' lok) - n. When the basketball gets lodged between the rim
and the backboard.

Warbloid (war' bloyd) - n. The tiny device in cassette players that eats
tapes.

Flarpswitch (flarp' switch) - n. The one light switch in every house with
no function whatsoever.

Neoice (nee oh ice') - n. Any ice cube removed before its time that upon
close examination, resembles a carpenter's level.

Premail (pree' mayl) - n. Mail that is placed behind the visor in the car
and left for several months before it is finally sent.

Slackjam (slak' jam) - n. The condition of being trapped in one's own
trousers while trying to pull them on without first removing shoes.

Wattbobble (wat' bah bul) - v. To remove a hot light bulb by turning it
several seconds, letting your fingers cool, then repeating the process.
This is generally followed by the glorious revelation of using your
shirttail.

Flotta Factor (flah' ta fak' tur) - n. The proven scientific fact that at a
self-service pump, the last ten cents take longer to reach the tank than
the first twelve dollars' worth.

Roebinks (roh' binks) - n. Those mysterious chimes you always hear in
department stores.

Agonosis (ah uh no' sis) - n. The syndrome of tuning into "Wide World of
Sports" every Saturday just to watch the skier rack himself.

Maypop (may' pop) - n. A bald tire.

Flimps (flimps) - n. People (usually observed in waiting rooms) who have
advanced the Evelyn Wood technique to the point where they can flip through
a magazine without ever looking down from the clock.

Caffidget (ka fij' it) - v. To break up a Styrofoam coffee cup into several
hundred pieces after consuming its contents.

Kedophobia (ked oh fo' be uh) - n. The fear of having one's sneakers eaten
by the teeth on the escalator.

Droot (drewt) - n. A Dorito with an unnatural fold in it.

Hystioblogination (his' te o blahg in ay' shun) - n. The act of trying to
identify a gift by holding it to your and shaking it.

Attrinyl (a try' nil) - n. (chemical symbol: At) A black, bulletproof,
totally inflexible type of plastic, used primarily in covers of pay phone
directories.

Jiffylust (ji' phee lust) - n. The inability to be the first person to
carve into a brand-new beautiful jar of peanut butter.

Marp (marp) - n. The impossible-to-find beginning of a roll of cellophane
tape.

Hudnut (hud' nuht) - n. The leftover bolt or screw in any "some assembly
required" project.

Darf (darf) - n. The least attractive side of a Christmas tree that ends up
facing the wall.

Maggit (mag' it) - n. Any of the hundreds of subscription cards that fall
from the pages of a magazine. (pl. MAGGREGATE)

Flen (flen) - n. (chemical symbol: Fl) The black crusty residue that
accumulates on the necks of old catsup bottles.

Swaznia (swaz' nuh) - n. The thin, disgusting memberane that connects the
bottom of the tongue to the top of the jaw, presumably to hold it in place.

Pifflesquit (pif' ul skwit) - n. The wire net surrounding the cork of a
champagne bottle.