Raw Meat
The other day, as I was sitting around, I noticed a
large piece of raw meat stuck to my inner thigh. I looked
down at this with noted interest, and then I resumed
watching the sun set, but this time it was in the
north? This was curious, but I thought it was just my sense
of direction, so I finished watching the sunset and thought
"What a niffty sunset" and proceeded to walk away, but the
peice of meat on my inner thigh kept flapping and
irritating the hell out of me. So, I decided to look down
at it again, and to my growing dismay, discovered that the
meat was growing rapidly! So I poked it. It grunted.
Iwas hungry, I mean REALLY hungry, I looked at the meat,
looked up, looked at the meat and whipped out my trusty
fork and knife and began to eat it, despite it's
squeeling. As I reached down with the fork and knife for
the fourth or fifth time, the meat suddenly formed a mouth
and devoured my utensils (not to mention my hand, too)! I
was put off by this, and glancing across the room I saw my
trusty pitchfork, but as I got up to grab it, the slab of
meat whipped out an appendage and grabbed my ankle. "Hey!"
I said, and began to poke it, if formed a finger and poked
back, then it spit out the fork, which lodged in my eye.
"Damn! That was my good eye!" I said. This was really
starting to get old, as this was the sixth time this week
that this had happened. I grolwed at the peice of meat and
it spit out the knife which lodged in my other eye, "Dang,"
I thought, "Do not look at meat with remaining eye." So, I
decided that this had gone on long enough, so I decided to
tear the meat off my leg, but it was so strong, that it
tore off most of my leg; oh, well, I thought, at least it's
not on me anymore. I fell back into my chair with a sigh
of relief, at which time it reaffixed itself to my leg. We
reached a truce and decided to live in a symbiotic
relationship where it would be my leg and I would give it
food and metal. And we lived happily ever after.
written by Dylan Glas krill@mit.edu, Emily Havens emhavens@mit.edu,
and Cat Tait cat@mit.edu.