>From: Eric N Starkman >Date: Tue, 24 Feb 87 16:45:50 EST >To: Private Distribution List >Subject: Congratulations! You've been pre-authenticated,authorized,&approved! >Comment: You (& 56 others) were hand-picked to receive this. > > > It's Saturday night. You're lost in a strange terminal room. >You've suddenly lost all your accounts. You can't log in. > > Is all hopeless? > > Definitely not. > > Because if you carry the Athena Express Card, you can get >emergency cash, kerberos tickets, disk space, and temporary group >membership anywhere in the arpanet, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. > > The Athena Express Card will authenticate you to kerberos >servers arould the world, even if you forget your password. > > If you buy kerberos tickets on your Athena Express Card, they >come with automatic insurance. If anybody steals your kerberos >tickets or guesses your key while using tickets purchased with the >Athena Express Card, you're protected. That's a feature found only >with the Athena Express Card. See if the Multics EXL Card can top >that! > > And don't forget the instant respect that an Athena Express >Card will get you. Student center loads too high? No problem -- >present your Athena Express card and be guaranteed a renicing of -5. >Having trouble getting an account? No problem -- Athena User Accounts >recognizes the Card intead of an MIT ID. And the annual cost of an >Athena Express Card is $11,800 less than that of an MIT ID. > > The Card helps you with any use of computers, for business or >pleasure. There are few things more distressing than getting an xtrek >craving when 4-035 is full. But it's OK now: the Athena Express Card >guarantees you a workstation anytime, day or night, with no questions >asked. With an Athena Express Card you can bump those dreaded Unified >students without guilt or personal injury. > > Athena User Consultants know about the Card too. Though they >are automatically ineligible for membership themselves, they do know >better than to hassle a Cardmember. Want to reboot a flaky >workstation? If you don't have a Card and a Consultant is around, >you're going to be threatened with an owl and told to leave it alone >while they call hotline. That could take hours. But if you show your >card, you can press the reboot button yourself with a clear >conscience. The consultants won't say a word. > > "But I'm happy with things the way they are. Who needs >another piece of plastic in their wallet?" > > You do. Consider the following: If a certain Watchmaker >carried the Athena Express Card, Todd Brunhoff's RFS would be the law >by now. If IBM had issued the Card to its engineers, it wouldn't take >an Eleazor to play xtrek on an RT. If Dave Grubbs had carried the >Card, well, we'll just let you imagine what things might be like now. >Jeff Schiller carries the Athena Express Card; look at what it has >done for him. Besides, you can carry the Card in either plastic or >electronic form. > > Of course, the benefits of Cardmembership extend beyond simple >use of computers. When you carry the Card, you command respect >wherever you go. If you register for an Athena-affiliated class, the >Athena Express Card will guarantee you instant respect by your >instructor. Not to mention a 5.0. The Card guarantees you an >appointment ahead of the Coalition Against Everything during Paul E. >Gray's open office hours. And of course, the Card is your assurance >of excellent service in fine hotels and restaurants around the world. > > Now the Card comes with 24-hour Consulting Service. You can >summon our expertly trained representatives night or day. They'll >answer any questions about your accounts -- even replace a lost or >stolen Card -- usually by the end of the next time slice. > > Athena Express. Ask for it by name. And don't leave >your realm without it. > > -Starkman >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >| Thanks to Mark Eichin and Jean Diaz for critical and creative assistance. | >| Portions copyright (c) 1986 American Express Travel Related Srvcs Co., Inc.| >------------------------------------------------------------------------------