Date: Thu, 15 Sep 1994 16:39:10 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
...
From: nick@nick01.demon.co.uk (Nick de Smith)
Subject: F*****g Hell...
Organization: his office

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

Last Thursday, I wandered over to my office at about 8AM, turned on the
PC, and tried to collect my mail/news. The little USR Sportster 14.4 lying
on the floor behind it gave a sort of strangled cry, and did not dial. I
tried all the usual stuff - powered it off - tapped it lightly - tapped
it rather more heavily - kicked it - screamed abuse at it... all to no
avail.  It was dead.  F**k. However, it was less that a year old... USR
have a warranty on all modems which is at least 1 year (actually its 5), so
I sent it back to them.  Nice people. On Friday, I get a 'phone call from
a nice man at USR, Simon B.

SB:     Mr. de Smith? Its about your Sportster...
NMdS:   Yes?
SB:     Where do you keep this modem?
NMdS:   Eh? On the floor, behind the PC.
SB:     Not near a window is it?
NMdS:   No, about 10 foot away. Why?
SB:     Ummm. Ever opened this modem, have you?
NMdS:   No. Is there some problem?
SB:     Well... it like this. I afraid your modem isn't covered
        by warranty.
NMdS:   I'm sorry - I didn't quite catch that...
SB:     We're sorry too, but the USR warranty doesn't cover
        attack by...killer slugs....
NMdS:   You jest, surely? How long has the slug been there?
SB:     Look, we're electronic engineers, NOT biologists. Its a
        slug. It's *very* nasty, and its blown up.
NMdS:   Modem dead, is it?
SB:     Same as the slug.

So they sent it back to me - it arrived this afternoon (just
after the Courier Dual standard that I ordered from Demon on
Friday arrived). I open it up... And they were right. Not your
poxy little grey slug. Oh no. This was one of the f*****g great
big orange ones. The smell was just appaling. By following the
trails we deduced it had got in over the DIP switches and then
crawled over the DSP and between the two PCBs, whereupon it
detonated.

        Modem dead.
        Slug *very* dead.
	Me: 200 quid the worse off (Sportsters were expensive in
	them days).

S**t.

Nick  nick@nick01.demon.co.uk

PS. It (the modem, not the slug) still responds to AT commands,
so I guess its the PSTN side thats died. Anyone got a Sportster
that doesn't respond to AT commands but seems to be otherwise
ok? Please?