A STUDENTS HISTORY OF THE WORLD as collected by Richard Lederer

     (One of the fringe benefits of being an English or history professor is
receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay or report.
Here is the history of the world, pasted together from genuine student
bloopers,collected by teachers throughout the US.)

     Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote in
hydraulics.  They lived in the Sarah Dessert.  The climate of the Sarah
is such that the 
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
     The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.  In the first book of the 
Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple.  A snake was
present at the time.
     David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He fought with the 
Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.  Solomon, one of 
David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
     The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history.  They invented three kinds of columns- corinthian, ironic and
dorc.
     Socrates was a famous Greek teacherr who went around giving people 
advice.  They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.  After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
     Then came the Middle Ages when King Alfred conquered the Dames.  King
Arthur lived then with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women
and Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw and victims of the blue-bonnet
plague grew boobs on their necks.  Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man
should be hanged twice for the same offense.
     In midevil times people were alliterate.  The greatest writer was Chaucer,
who wrote many poems and verses and literature.  During this time, people put 
on morality plays about ghosts, goblins, virgins and other mythical creatures.
     The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of
their human being.  Martin Luther was nailed to the church door for selling
papal indulgences.  He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.
It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the
father of the Renaissance.
     It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg invented
the Bible.  Another important invention was the circulation of the blood.  And 
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
     Shakespeare was the greatest writer.  In one of his plays, Hamlet rations
out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy.
     Then came the enlightenment.  Voltaire invented electricity and also 
wrote a book called Candy.  Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.  It is 
chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off trees.
     Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children.  In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he
     Bach wais attic.  Bach died from 1750 to the present.
     Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
 Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
     Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he wrote 
loud music.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
     The nineteenth centure was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and began reproducing by machine.  The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers.
     Then came the First World War, which ushered in a new error in the
anals of human history.