From: ese002@news9.exile.org (Eric Edwards) Subject: If Hertz rented cars the way ISPs rent bandwith Newsgroups: comp.dcom.modems.cable,comp.dcom.xdsl,rec.humor Date: 30 Nov 1997 07:50:19 GMT Message-ID: [Scene: An auto rental shop. Customer approaches the sales person] Customer: I've been walking around town for a while. It works but it's kind of slow and I can't carry much. I hear that you rent cars. Sales person: Yes, we do. We have a great deal for you today. This car has a powerful engine, 4 doors, and a huge trunk. It's available for $39/day including gas. Customer: Including gas? You mean I don't have to pay for gas? Sales person: That is correct. All our cars come with free, unlimited gas. Customer: Cool. [Customer and sales person walk out to the car. Customer looks over the car and peers into the windows and immediately jumps back] Customer: Hey! There's only one seat in this car! Sales person: That is correct. This car is for personal use only. If we allowed you to carry passengers, you might start up a taxi service. That means using a lot more gas and your customers wouldn't be renting cars from us. Customer: That's kind of annoying. I was hoping I could take my wife out to dinner in this car. I guess I could drive myself to the restaurant and bring takeout home. Sales person: I'm sorry. We can't let you do that. Customer: Wha? Sales person: We can't allow you to carry food in the car. If we let our customers carry food, some people would try to deliver pizzas in their cars. That would use a lot of gas. We can't afford that, at $39/day. You understand. Customer: I guess so. May I take a test drive? Sales person: certainly. [Sales person gives customer the keys. Customer drives off, returning a short time later with a puzzled look on his face.] Customer: I read in the trade magazines that your cars could travel at more than 70 miles per hour. But even on a straight, downhill stretch, I couldn't get above 35. Sales person: All of our cars have a governor that limits the maximum speed to 35 miles per hour. If we allowed people to drive faster they might drive further and that would use too much gas. We still have to make a profit here. You understand. Customer: No. I don't. I can't believe that your customers put up with these kinds of limitations on what they can and cannot do with your cars. Sales person: Our market research shows that the vast majority of people's needs can be met with these limitations. However, for people like you we do offer an alternative. We can rent you an industrial van. Customer: Industrial van? And this will be free of these limitations. Sales person: Yes, an industrial van will let you do all the things you want and the gas is still included. Customer: Great. How much will it cost? Sales person: $1000/day. Customer: What? I can't afford that! Sales person: I'm sorry. These things cost money. People run their businesses on these things. They move lumber, deliver pizzas, run taxi services. These activities use lots of gas. Customer: Oh, forget it! I'll just walk for now.