NEARSIGHT TO FORM VIRTUALLY DISTRIBUTED COMPANY

In a stunning announcement today NearSight Technologies Inc. announced a
daring plan to become the world's first virtually distributed company.
"We have high hopes for this concept - it has all the drawbacks of a 
distributed company with none of the advantages" a company spokesperson
related.

To acheive this "virtual distribution" NearSight will relocate all employees
to San Diego, CA to their new "Virtual World" building.  The cavernous 
building, located in the high-tech suburb of San Ysidro, covers a full
acre.  Inside the various units of the company are housed in cubical
clusters with large signs overhead denoting their virtual locations,
such as Pleasanton and Montreal, Canada.

"We really like the concept," said an NS employee.  "It gives us a real
international feeling.  We're not too happy about the 'weather' though.
Montreal has been throwing their ice cubes over into the San Diego area."

In order to maintain the feel of a distributed company employees are not
allowed to mix between the various units unless they first purchase a
"plane ticket" from the company travel agency, located in another building.
Employees must then sit for several hours in spacious surroundings 
(approx 18" of leg room!) while occasionally getting up for a quick run.
As part of their "travel" employees are also encouraged to set their watches
forward or back and miss lots of sleep the evening before to simulate the
proper "distributed" atmosphere.

As an alternative to "travel", employees may "conference call", 
send "electronic mail", or "video teleconference".

"Conference calls" are held in one of several large rooms with excellent
reverberative acoustics.  Employees wear blindfolds upon entering the rooms
and are requested to shout to get that "conference call" sound that is
so desired.  At random times attendants gag participants and remove them
from the room for several minutes.  

"Electronic mail" is accomplished through sophisticated networking technology.
Employees type their mail on typewriters which encrypt the characters on
the page, then take these pages, place them in a "enclosing/privacy enhancing
device, paper" and via "ambulatory discretionary movement" deliver
them to the appropriate "post office".  From there the messages and envelopes
are then removed from the "enclosing/privacy enhancing devices" scanned
electronically, printed, then photocopied and delivered to the receiving
employee's desk.  If the receiving employee has a "Macintosh" they must
then "double click" (this is accomplished by tapping one's pencil twice)
before the messenger will allow you to read the mail.  If one has a "UNIX
workstation" no "double clicking" is required but ink is dumped inside of
the "enclosing/privacy enhancing device" before the recipient is allowed
to open it.

"But these technologies are all old hat.  We're most excited about
our new virtual video-teleconferencing system."  says H. Acres, NS
President.  "We're getting the same features other people have for a
tenth the cost."  And NS's "virtual video-teleconferencing" is impressive.
Dotted about the "Virtual World"'s interior are ten "VVT" conference
cells.  An NS employee calls a VVT conference via electronic mail.
At the appointed time the participants in the VVT conference converge from
their various areas (for this activity they do not have to purchase
"plane tickets") on the VVT cell.  The VVT cell is formed from pre-stressed
corrugated celluose fibers.  The VVT can accomodate up to ten conferencees
via "access ports" (conveniently head-sized) around it's perimeter.
"With the VVT technology it's just like being there" says an NS engineer.

NearSight plans to bring their technology to market in the near future
and to also provide consulting services to other companies wishing to
"virtually distribute".  "We're creating the customer problem" say Acres.