Received: from PACIFIC-CARRIER-ANNEX.MIT.EDU by po10.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA14904; Thu, 30 Jul 98 01:28:38 EDT Received: from europe.std.com by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AA22954; Thu, 30 Jul 98 01:23:44 EDT Received: from world.std.com by europe.std.com (8.7.6/BZS-8-1.0) id BAA10179; Thu, 30 Jul 1998 01:23:18 -0400 (EDT) Received: by world.std.com (TheWorld/Spike-2.0) id AA12842; Thu, 30 Jul 1998 01:23:18 -0400 Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 01:23:18 -0400 From: etm@world.std.com (Elka T Menkes) Message-Id: <199807300523.AA12842@world.std.com> To: slsinma@aol.com, bronsteh@bc.edu, danshogil@aol.com, q@northshore.ecosoft.com, 110271.2706@compuserve.com, gary7@alum.mit.edu, rjflint@earthlink.net, mroskind@netbox.com, davizov@sybase.com, larryw@bu.edu, mbr2@world.std.com, sdgilbert2@juno.com, thundering-horde@MIT.EDU Subject: Boston basics Cc: seven@apocalypse.org, marvmerv@warwick.net, ailsa.murphy@tfn.com, zillabob@ids.net, misha7@earthlink.net, reinamd@aol.com, djw@ironbridgenetworks.com, m.rimm@dialogic.com, bmarin@inscribe..com, seldood@aol.com, szlevin@mindspring.com, glickie@webtv.net From owner-jokes-pg-outgoing@balticon.org Tue Jul 28 10:36:08 1998 Return-Path: Received: from joshua.balticon.org by world.std.com (TheWorld/Spike-2.0) id AA08230; Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:35:59 -0400 Received: (from majordom@localhost) by joshua.balticon.org (8.6.12/8.6.12) id KAA15288 for jokes-pg-outgoing; Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:35:03 -0400 Received: from strato-fe0.ultra.net (strato-fe0.ultra.net [146.115.8.190]) by joshua.balticon.org (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id KAA15284 for ; Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:34:54 -0400 Received: from death.pvci.com (death.pvci.com [209.6.101.130]) by strato-fe0.ultra.net (8.8.8/ult.n14767) with SMTP id KAA13593; Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:34:29 -0400 (EDT) Received: by death.pvci.com(Lotus SMTP MTA SMTP v4.6 (462.2 9-3-1997)) id 8525664F.005240F5 ; Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:58:26 -0400 X-Lotus-Fromdomain: PVCI From: "Tim Roberge" To: "Ralph Nordgren" , "Dan Wilson" , "Steven Shuman" , "Skip Kaiser" , "Jack Keating" , "Rich Dilorenzo" , jokes-pg@balticon.org, carpenito@umbsky.cc.umb.edu, alaska@mit.edu, Ed.Dooley@littlebrown.com, miracleplay@hotmail.com, jerem43@ibm.net, "Randall C." , Lkelly617 , donnar@cybergal.com Message-Id: <8525664F.00521FB2.00@death.pvci.com> Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1998 10:58:08 -0400 Subject: [jokes-pg] Boston Humor (fwd) LOW priority Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Sender: owner-jokes-pg@balticon.org Precedence: bulk Status: RO Here's something to make your day if you haven't seen it. Forwarded me by a friend who lives in central Illinois (tornadoes, corn). Too bad we're not still a Boston bid, or I'd format this and we could use it at Worldcon: >You might be a Bostonian if.... > > 1. You think of Philadelphia as the "deep south." > 2. You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic. > 3. You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R). > 4. You think three straight days of 90+ is a heat wave. > 5. All your pets are named after Celtic hall of famers. > 6. You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting." > 7. Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry frenzy. > 8. You don't think you have an attitude. > 9. You know the significance of 1918. > 10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk." > 11. When out of town, you think the natives of the area you're visiting >are all whacked. > 12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from the game 6 of the 1986 >world series. > 13. You have no idea what the word compromise means. > 14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness. > 15. You don't realize that you talk twice as fast as everyone else. > 16. You're anal, neurotic, spasmatic & stubborn. > 17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are >from out of town. > 18. You think $15 to park is a bargain. > 19. Your favorite adjective is "wicked." > 20. You think 63 degree ocean water is warm. > > If you're from Boston: > > 1. You'll know who the cahdnal is, how to take the T to JP and what the >blinking red light atop the old Hancock Building means in the summer. > 2. And if you're smaht, you'll know how not to get cahded at the >packie. > > Herewith, a survival guide to Bawstin: > How we tok: > We don't speak English. We speak whatever they brought over here from >East Anglia in 1630. The Bawstin accent is basically the broad A and the >dropped R, which we add to words ending in A (pahster, Cuber,soder). For >the broad A, just open your mouth and say "ah," like the docta says.So car >is cah, park is pahk. >If you want to talk like the mayah, repeat after me: "My ahnt takes her >bahth at hahpast foah. " > > When we say: \We mean:... > bzah\odd > flahwiz\roses, etc. > hahpahst\30 minutes after the hour > Hahwahya?\How are you? > khakis\what we staht the cah with > pissa\superb > retahded\silly > shuah\of course > wikkid\extremely > yiz\you, plural > > How we'll know you weren't bon heah: > You wear a Harvard sweatshirt. > You cross at a crosswalk. > You ask directions to "Cheers." > You order a grinder and a soda. > You pronounce it "Worchester." > You walk the Freedom Trail. > You call it "Copely" Square. > You go to BU. > > Getting around: > Boston is a mishmosh of 17th-century cow paths and 19th-century >landfill penned in by water. You know, "One if byland, two if by sea." > > Charlestown? Cahn't get theyah from heah. > > And which Warren Street do you want? We have three plus three Warren >Avenues, three Warren Squares, a Warren Park, and a Warren Place. > > Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School >Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water >Street. > > Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley, >Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D. > > If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're >on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley. > > Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. Readville >doesn't exist. > > The North-East-South-West thing: > Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End. > The North End is east of the West End. The West End is no more. A guy >named Rappaport got rid of it one night. Eastie is East Boston. The East >End is Boston Harbor. > > About our "cuisine": > Boston cream pie is a cake. > Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't. > Chowdah does not come with tomatoes. > Soda is club soda. Pop is Dad. > If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. > When we mean tonic water, we say tonic water. > Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. > If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod. > Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it, >and eat it with baked beans. > They're hot dogs. Franks were people who lived in France in the ninth >century. > > Things not to do: > Don't call it Beantown. > Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa. > Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you. > Don't sleep in the Common. > Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day. > Don't call the mayah "Mumbles." He hates that. > Don't ask what she's majoring in. You don't care. > > Things you should know: > There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two >Hancock buildings. > There's also a Boston Latin School and a Boston Latin Academy. > How should we know which one you mean? > > Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93. > It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies), the Seltz, the Broons. The >Harvard Bridge goes to MIT. It's measured in 'smoots.' > Johnson never should have hit for Willoughby. > Never mention Bill Buckner's name. > The subway doesn't run all night. This isn't Noo Yawk. --------------------------------------------------------------------- To remove yourself from the jokes-pg mailing list send a message containing "unsubscribe jokes-pg" to majordomo@bsfs.org.