Forwarded: Tue, 21 Nov 1995 16:37:53 EST
Forwarded: "gutnik "
From: Sarah Garfinkel <sarahg@internic.net>
Message-Id: <199511211707.MAA26924@ops.internic.net>
Subject: FY98-03 POM Build (fwd)
To: aishaa@internic.net, marthag@MIT.EDU, laurenn@internic.net,
        erice@internic.net, kennym@internic.net
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 1995 13:07:55 -0400 (GMT-0400)
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Forwarded message:
From garfinke@optec.army.mil Tue Nov 21 11:53:52 1995
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 95 11:47:42 EST
From: "garfinke" <garfinke@optec.army.mil>
Encoding: 171 Text
Message-Id: <9510218169.AA816983461@cc-emh1.optec.army.mil>
To: dHam@loc.gov, rGarfnkl@yu1.yu.edu, SarahG@internic.net,
        Stanfiel@helios.MedSci.udel.edu
Subject: FY98-03 POM Build

     
See the last item in particular.
______________________________ Forward Header __________________________________
Subject: FY98-03 POM Build
Author:  MORRISOS at OPTEC2
Date:    11/16/95 08:04 AM


Subject: FY98-03 POM Build
     
     
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*   I am smiling! *
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Thought you might like this. Got this from PA&E. I have been told by someone 
in PA&E that building a POM is something like hunting an elephant. I do not 
know. I have built 3 POMs, but never hunted an elephant. There are a lot of 
new folks in PA&E. I guess they have hunted elephants before.
     
                HUNTING AN ELEPHANT IN THE 90s
     
 MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything
that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
     
 EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least
one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
     
 PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique
elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as 
an
exercise for their graduate students.
     
 COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
      1. Go to Africa.
      2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
      3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
alternately east and west.
      4. During each traverse pass,
           a. Catch each animal seen.
           b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant. 
           c. Stop when a match is detected.
     
 EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known
elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
     
 ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands
and knees.
     
 DATABASE ADMINISTRATORS do not need to go out and capture elephants when 
they
can retrieve them simply with an ad hoc query:
     
                 SELECT * FROM AFRICAN_CRITTERS
                 2 WHERE CRITTER_TYPE = 'TERRESTRIAL' 
                 3 AND SIZE = 'LARGE'
                 4 AND COLOR = 'GRAY'
                 5 AND TRUNK = 'YES'
                 6 AND ODOR IS NOT NULL;
     
 ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at 
random,
and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of 
any previously observed elephant.
     
 SYSTEMS INTEGRATION ENGINEERS are not so concerned with hunting elephants 
as
with creating a seamless interface between the elephants and their 
environment.
     
 ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are 
paid
enough, they will hunt themselves.
     
 STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an 
elephant.
     
 CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at 
all,
but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
     
 OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat 
size
and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if 
someone
else will only identify the elephants.
     
 POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you 
catch
with the people who voted for them.
     
     
 LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing
about who owns the droppings.
     
 SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look
and feel of one dropping.
     
 VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt
elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice 
president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all 
possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees 
them. If the vice president does see a non-pre-hunted elephant, (in other 
words, a live one) the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen 
eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
     
 SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption
that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
     
 QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the
other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
     
 SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants 
they
haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
     
 SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an 
invoice
for an elephant.
     
 HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as
desktop elephants.
     
     
                     BRITISH TELEPHONES
     
 It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra
voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in 
England).
When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit 
for
the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be 
signalled without disturbing each other.
     
 Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone
failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when 
it
did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to 
the
scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
     
 He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the
subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked 
loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
     
 Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
     
 a. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain 
and
collar. b. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current. c. After 
several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the ground. 
d. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.
     
  Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just pissing on them.
     
     
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*   HAVE A NICE DAY!   *
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