Auth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:12:39 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering I didn't think you'd want to see me. I needed to see you, and I thought if you knew that you might see me. Auth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:19:26 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering Why do you twist things like this? Do you really think I don't care what you want? You think I used to torture myself - still torture myself trying to figure out what you wanted, even when I could never get you to tell me, just so I could ignore it? You think I'm lieing when I say I want you to be happy, that I want to know what you want? Always, Martha, always I had to swallow my pain and fear and confusion and need and everything, so I could try and be strong for you; to try and help you if you needed it. Finally, finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I needed @i(your) help, @i(your) support, @i(your) input, your EFFORT, and -guess what?- it wasn't there. I've needed you for so long, Martha, and I've always told you that. That's why I always told you how wonderful you were to me whenever you would do things for me; because I needed them and I needed you and I wanted you to keep doing them. uth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:24:58 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering Was it too much to ask, Martha? I never thought it was. I always thought `I must be asking at the wrong times' or `I shouldn't be pushing like this, leaning on her right now, when there are so many other things she has to deal with.' And I guess I was at least partially right about that. I couldn't do it anymore, Martha. I couldn't resist, I couldn't fight, I couldn't swallow any more pain or need or hurt. And now, Hey! look what I've done! With just one point of failure I've enacted your worst nightmares, my worst nightmares, ruined the life of my friends and lost everything I've ever wanted! I'd say that's a pretty good case of bad timing, wouldn't you? Auth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:29:33 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering I knew you didn't want to see me, but I thought that maybe you could anyway, if you knew how much I needed to see you. I guess that's it, Martha - finally a decent way to say what I've been trying to say for so long - I needed to see, to fell, to know that you were fighting too! That every time we were together I wasn't re-convincing you that we had a chance, like it seemed. That you did think we had something worth fighting for. I needed that so much, Martha. I needed to know that you were fighting for it too, because every time it came up it seemed like you didn't believe anymore. Auth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:31:32 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering Gone. I wonder if you're still sitting there, or if you're on the couch, or if you've run away, or if you're just talking to someone else? Auth = yes, Kind = acked at 23:36:17 on Sun Mar 21 1993 To: message, personal, me From: gathering Goodnight, Martha. Goodbye and goodnight.