The 12 days After Christmas

The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight.
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burned it just for spite.
Then with a single ca-a-a-artridge
I shot [pop!] that blasted pa-a-a-artridge
My true love,
My true love,
My true love ga-ave to me.

The second day after Christmas,
I put on the old rubber gloves.
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both those turtle doves
My true love,
My true love,
My true love ga-ave to me.

The third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup. [cough cough cough]
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup.

The four calling birds were a big mistake
As their language was obscene,
The five golden rings were completely fake
And they turned my fingers green!

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay.
I gave the whole darn gaggle to
The A. S. P. C. A.

On the seventh day,
What a mess I found:
All of the seven swimming
Swans had drowned. [gargle gargle]
My true love,
My true love,
My true love ga-ave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect,
I bundled up the:
eight maids a-milking
nine pipers piping
ten lords a-leaping
eleven dancers dancing
twelve drummers drumming
(well, actually I left one of those drummers drumming)
[rat-a-tat-tat]
And sent them back collect!

I wrote my true love
We are through, love,
And I said in so-o many words:
Furthermore your Christmas gifts are
For
The
[soloist:] BIRDS...
[the chorus, simultaneously:] Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtle doves
[All together now:]
{\em And a Parti-idge in a Pear Treeeee.}