I'd like to have a word with you today about a problem that many people, much like yourself, are probably unaware of. I'm talking, of course, about hamsters. Hamsters, as everyone knows, are cute, cuddly, furry little creatures that make ideal pets for children. They take up very little space and are ver- er... fairl-er...quiet. What a delight they are to watch as they scamper round and round in their little plastic wheels exercising their little muscles, build- ing them up into massive sprung-steel pile-drivers that will one day be weilded against their hapless owners who have lavished them with munchy bits of nice green lettuce, and oh, so crunchy chunks of garden-fresh carrots. You don't think for a moment, do you, that these BASTARDS are going to give all that kindness a second's thought when the time arrives! Oh, NO! Dawn will come to that cute, cuddly facade and we'll see the vicious beasts they REALLY are as they TERRORIZE entire cities with their atomic bombs and HYPODERMIC NEEDLES- That's right! I'm talking about _DOPE_! The stuff that's sapped the STRENGTH of many a VAST EMPIRE- that's forced once proud nations to their KNEES! NO, SIR! You don't stop that sort of TERROR with a munchy bit of lettuce! NO, what you NEED is a GOOD HEAVY HAMMER- the kind with a non-slip rubber handle, so when the BLOOD really starts POURING you won't spoil things with a slippery grip! With one of these HAMMERS, a bit of STEALTH, and lots of old-fashioned COURAGE, you might just be able to catch one of these MURDERING BASTARDS off guard, while he's curled up asleep in the FILTHY, STINKING, VERMIN-INFESTED WOOD SHAVINGS AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS CAGE AND- (Splat!) OH MY GOD! I'VE BURST MY BRAIN! NJUI VNbjjjjjjrinnnnbI:ankliiiiiiirpddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd (from _Monty Python's Big Red Book)