Ed-ku by John Cho

September 1995

2.
Harry Wu wakes up.
In horror he sees that he's
Missing his liver.

3.
They scrubbed his genes and
Hung the body to drip-dry.
An ethnic cleansing.

4.
Green Peace vessel lured
To island by distress call.
Sign reads, "Adieu!" BOOM!!

5.
Cellular phone rep
Killed in Algeria. Thought
He said "secular."

6.
Black marketeers wear
Blue helmets in Mozambique.
A red-faced Boutros.

7.
Hamas bombs a bus.
The settlers gun down Arabs.
Mid-East peace process.

8.
Yeltsin's war on crime:
Calling for secession is
Capital offense.

9.
Why did Saddam's men
Defect? They just wished to shave
Off that damned mustache.

October 1995

11.
How many lives is
A name worth? A lot if it's
"Macedonia."

12.
Palestine "self-rule":
"Yes, sir, I rule by myself,"
Proclaims Arafat.

13.
Ten million Chinese
Men looking for brides. Damn! Should
Have let those girls live.

14.
Jesse Helms, confused,
Sees Last Tango in Paris,
Declares war on France.

November 1995

16.
Don blows his last note
And strolls off stage with his horn.
Cherry blossoms fall.

17.
"Must cut deficit."
"Must cut tax on the wealthy."
Newt's bilingualism.

December 1995

19.
Gore checks his schedule;
Another state funeral.
"Co-Presidency"!?

20.
National campaign:
"Dare to keep cops off donuts."
Winchell's bombs White House.

21.
Queen Mother sets up
Date for Di with a doctor.
Name? Kevorkian.

22.
Brown dwarf discovered.
Oops--make that "star of color,
Spatially challenged."

23.
G. I. Joe's comin'.
Bosnians trade arms for shops.
Make money, not war.

24.
U. N. leaves Rwanda.
No matter--the media
Left long time ago.

25.
Yeltsin health crisis.
Al Haig shows up in Moscow.
"I'm in control here."

26.
Papandreou sees
Dreaded face from his sick bed.
Oh no! It's Al Haig!

27.
Mimi offers choice
To the Greek electorate:
"Coffee, tea, or Mi?"

28.
Kim "Mr. Clean" Young
Sam borrows page from Nancy:
Just say "Roh" to bribes!

29.
Serbo-Croatian.
The hyphen still holds--barely.
Language of anguish.

30.
Bill Gates sips Java,
Watching Web surfers from beach,
Mindful of Sun burn.

31.
Okinawa rape.
Fort Bragg shooting. Stray eagles
With bloody talons.

32.
"Juppé, I pay, we
All pay for striking! Ha ha."
The French do not laugh.

33.
O.J.'s Christmas gifts:
Ginsu knife, car seat covers,
Pre-shrunk leather gloves.

33.
Zhirinovsky calls
His party "virgin." Maybe
VIRulent, GIN-soaked?

34.
Exon's Gestapo
Spies on Internet. We sing
"Gedanken sind Frei."

35.
Abiola's Ghost
Of Christmas Future: Sani
Abacha's nightmare.

36.
Coming soon for your
Home-viewing pleasure: Yigal
Amir and his gun.

37.
Strike fizzles; Metro
Clatters again. Bombers come
Back from vacation.

38.
Clinton, alone on
Nomination raft, braces
For rough Whitewater.

39.
Russian voters sing
"Back in the U.S.S.R."
Lennon or Lenin?

40.
Pyongyang "comrades" share
Last pot of kimchi. Kim Il
Sung's portrait smiles on.

41.
Mothers of Kwangju's
Martyrs prepare two new graves:
Right fit for Chun, Roh.

42.
Voting was great fun!
Democracy works! Now let's
Go kill those Chechens.

43.
Neo-Nazi in
Austria pleads guilty. Says
"Ich bin ein Wiener."

44.
Dr. Chirac, or
How I Learned to Stop Worry-
ing and Love the Bomb

45.
President Rawlings
Kicks his rival in the groin.
Dream on, Bill Clinton!

46.
Gramm wants to fire the
"Non-essentials." Okay, let's
Begin with "Gramm, Phil."

47.
Puerto Rico tops
In '95. Tourism? Rum?
Coffee? No. Murder.

April 1996

49.
Clinton campaign chief
Phones Iran. Arms for hostage?
No. "Take Hillary."

50.
Campaign sea map warns
Of Doledrums, Whitewater, and
Shallow ideas.

51.
Illegals beat up.
Camera zooms in on cops.
Hey--it's Stacy Koon!

52.
China barks. Taiwan
Yaps back. But the hand of trade
Remains unbitten.

53.
At the Gdansk shipyard
You can blame the President
For a blown circuit.

54.
If Dole is an old
Elephant, what's Buchanan?
A woolly mammoth.

55.
Dan Rostenkowski:
His "ways" and "means" sway no names.
Six seasons in jail.

56.
Macho Koreans
Curse across DMZ: Dead
Motherfucker Zone.

57.
Babe banned in China.
They don't like their mu-shu pork
Talking back to them.

58.
"Capitalist pig!"
Babe is skewered in Beijing.
Afterwards, hot lunch.

59.
Ambulance blown up.
For the Israeli gunships,
Red Cross is bull's eye.

60.
Kravice market.
The Serbs hated the decor.
They painted it red.

61.
Monrovian smells:
Gun powder, rotting corpses,
The piss scent of fear.

62.
Nixon tapes unzipped.
Media flock to hear Dick
Let it all hang out.

63.
Civilian harvest
Operation Grapes of Wrath
Blood flowing like wine

64.
A twelve-year-old's rape
Forces Uncle Sam to an
Early withdrawal.

65.
Scratching the Bear's back,
The West doesn't see what he's
Eating--Chechnya.

66.
Ernesto Samper's
Covert fund-raising jingle:
"It's always Coca."

67.
U.N. camp blown up.
For Israeli soldiers, it's
Bomb first, ask later.

68.
Al-Gamaa attacks
Wrong group of foreign tourists.
'Twas all Greek to them.

69.
Boy chasing a ball.
Into the woods. Explosion.
Another mine found.

70.
World's best mine sweepers:
Farmers tilling, boys playing,
Girls fetching water.

71
Mandela's Boys beat
Tunisia. Winnie's "boys"
Just break your knees, ya?

May 1996

73.
Congress Party is
No longer a sacred cow.
Bitter cud for Rao.

74.
Winnie, then De Klerk.
Nelson, twice-divorced, must keep
Children from fighting.

75.
The Burundis are
Getting drunk on a lethal
Vintage: Rwandan red.

76.
A strange sickness makes
Indians vote BJP:
Mad-at-Rao disease.

77.
Vegetarian
Is Texas beef chief. Does she
Know something we don't!?

78.
More BANG for your buck!
It's a trip of a lifetime!
Fly with ValuJet!

79.
All-inclusive flight:
Food, drinks, film, THRILLS--what Valu!
Burial's free, too!

80.
Buchanan and Newt
Are *SPLAT* blindsided by a
Rotten D'Amato.

81.
Yeltsin, Zyuganov:
Old new bear or new old bear.
Russian voters yawn.

82.
Bill Clinton, Bob Dole:
Slick centrist or dour centrist.
Voters change channels.

83.
TVs already
Have I-chip built in--screens out
All intelligence.

84.
"Most Wanted" jailbird
Flew to Guatemala but
Was snagged by the Web.

85.
Basulta's wings clipped.
All he can do now is watch
Old Castro's beard grow.

86.
Boorda's tell-tale heart
Beat truths he wished not to hear.
So he silenced it.

87.
Oil beneath the sea.
China, Japan drool and glare.
Fuel for future wars?

88.
Everglades 'gator
Suffers indigestion, strange
"Pinging" in belly.

89.
While his people starved,
Saddam ate his fill from a
Plate of fried bean Kurds.

90.
Saddam's big surprise:
Opening the crate marked "FOOD"
He finds SPAM inside.

91.
Another surprise:
Opens the next one to find
Reagan's cake, Bible.

92.
Next one contains Quayle.
Some bureaucrat thought this was
A "fool for oil" deal.

93.
Monks' blood spilled on sand.
A mad crescent looms above.
Church bells toll in France.

94.
Chechen vets come home
Unwelcomed, jobless, shell-shocked.
Can you say "Vietnam"?

95.
Prince William says "No"
To throne, navy. What bright brains!
Must be adopted.

96.
Mexican poor sucked
Dry of blood. Chupacabras?
No. Politicians.

June 1996

98.
Frozen bodies dug
Up for deadly flu study.
Real-life Outbreak II?

99.
Yeltsin's regime called
"Bloodiest" by Yavlinsky.
Stalin turns in grave.

100.
Kill yourself without
Harming others! The "nice" choice:
Smokeless cigarettes.

101.
Khmer Rouge leader dead.
Cambodian soup du jour:
Gristly Pot-au-feu.

102.
Sweatshop child with shoe
Misses a stitch on the "swoop."
Boss yells, "JUST DO IT!"

July 1996

104.
Campaign promises
Come home to roost in Kremlin,
Shit on Yeltsin's head.

105.
Next for Hillary:
Tired of seances, she sticks
Pins in voodoo Dole.

106.
Trade with China, not
With Cuba. Must be China's
Larger body count.

107.
U.S. growls fiercely
At Karadzic, its tail tucked
Firmly between legs.

108.
The power of words?
Self-fulfilling prophesy?
Balkanized Balkans.

109.
West plunged in darkness
By massive power failure.
Militias take notes.

110.
Independence Day.
We Yanks roast hot dogs instead
Of royal weenies.

111.
Dole hires Bob Villa
To renovate his campaign.
Project This Old Man.

112.
South African snow.
Children see their first snowman--
Frozen homeless corpse.

113.
Clinton and Bibi:
Think: "I like the other guy."
Say: "I support you."

October 2000

115.
Sharp tusks approaching
The herd revolts in fury
Guei runs for his life

116.
Alberto flounders
Peru's puppet without strings
Where's your "self coup" now?

117.
Mets and Yankees fans
Arguing on the subway
A homeless man yawns

November 2000

119.
Who's orange is it?
Al and George both grab for it
Jeb hides behind bush

120.
An orange blossom
George smiles as butterfly lands
Whoosh! Al swings his net

121.
Orange dissected
Now matter how you slice it
It's hard to swallow

122.
Hot air from The Hague
Big Oil fans flames of discord
Greens break out in sweat

123.
Kevorkian smiles
Mailbox crammed with job offers
He must learn Dutch, though

December 2000

125.
From his "motherland"
Fujimori thumbs his nose
Land of razzing son

126.
Senate on seesaw
An elephant eyes Breaux's seat
Bush tugs on John's arm

127.
Tire spits mud on truck
Truck drives tire over pothole
Firestone vs. Ford

128.
Uncle Sam twists arms
Peace accord breaks down again
Uncle $am sells arms

January 2001

130.
Election '04
Voting machine's screen lights up
Oh no--it's Windows!

131.
Kabila departs
Death of one more kleptocrat
The Congolese yawn

132.
Flip the Greenspan coin
Elephant heads: cut taxes
Donkey tails: pay debt

February 2001

134.
Bill's famed empathy
Is not a gift if you're Rich
A quid pro pardon

135.
Spacecraft's death spiral
Gravity's desire tugging
Eros' hard embrace

136.
Sharon's leering gaze
Wanders from the West Bank to
Condoleezza's legs

137.
Bombs rain on Iraq
Star Wars II defies allies
A "humbler" approach

March 2001

139.
The oil flow slows down
A clog in the line somewhere
Cheney grabs his chest

140.
A campaign pledge falls
Abruptly as the NASDAQ
CO₂ rising

141.
Sleeping bear wakes up
Euro bull chased by mad cow
Wall Street lemmings jump

April 2001

143.
Chrétien's nightmare
Goes hunting south just to find
A Fox in the Bush

144.
Land of passing fads
Pokémon, Tamagochi
New prime minister

145.
Mississippians
Salute Confederate flag
Moon the Stars and Stripes

146.
Cops chase Popemobile
"That frock is just a disguise!"
They bazooka it

May 2001

148.
Dick hates to conserve
VP loves to drill deep holes
Yes, "V" stands for "vice"

149.
Israel's birthday
Explosions light up the sky
Fireworks? No--shelling

150.
Ford-Firestone divorce
"You rolled over easily!"
"You made me do it!"

151.
Taliban führers
Order all non-Muslims tagged
Bath house reeks of gas...

June 2001

153.
Mad young man with guns
Mows down family, shoots self
U.S.? No, Nepal

154.
Royal house implodes
Maoists peer down from the hills
Monsoon approaching

155.
Bush joins EC choir
The guest chimes in loud and clear
In another key

156.
Japan's latest fad
It's got wild hair, it's hip, it's...
The prime minister

157.
Semantic snafu
Assad an "anti-Semite"?
Self-hating Arab?

July 2001

159.
Fox weds spokeswoman
If he doesn't treat her well
She'll turn on the mike

160.
Dubya golfs with dad
"Don't slice too far too the right"
Oops--ball leaves fairway

161.
A drowning Wahid
Grabs at his vice president
He just gets the "vice"

162.
Clinging to his throne
Mugabe plays the race card
It's Rhodes in black face

163.
Barbara hears cries
"I need to drill in Jeb's room!"
"Go somewhere else, George!"

August 2001

165.
Tommy Suharto
He sure plays a mean pinball
No replay for judge

September 2001

167.
Ashes and rubble
Flesh, bones, hopes, dreams, and desires
A phoenix awaits

168.
Giant's toe is smashed
Blind with rage he lashes out
Billions duck in fear

169.
Jews are blamed again
Religious nut points finger
Muslim? No, Falwell

October 2001

171.
Chechens lose favor
Now they're Muslim terrorists
Putin's stock goes up

172.
Border fence grows tall
Bush hammers in a new sign
"Mexico can wait"

173.
Turkey knocks on door
Gives Europe another gift
Still can't join their club

174.
Bite the hand that feeds
Piss on billion-dollar aid
Bush glares at Sharon

November 2001

176.
Junkie gets packet
Trembling hand probes white powder
Cocaine or anthrax?

177.
Turkey, venison
Corn, lobster, duck, cranberry
Pumpkin, beans, small pox

178.
SUVs with flags
A "patriotic" display
OPEC is drooling

179.
"Enduring Freedom"
Military tribunals
Oxymoronic

180.
There goes the sun now
Our guitars gently weeping
Something is missing

December 2001

182.
Hemmed in from all sides
His beard glistening with sweat
Endgame--Arafat

183.
Made in U.S.A.!
Unbeatable quality!
Order your spores now!

January 2002

185.
Clean Air Act amBush
Coal smoke billows towards the East
White House turns Gray House

186.
Enron chiefs float by
Golden parachutes gleaming
Watching workers fall

187.
Slammed against a Wal
Bull's eye painted on its back
Big K cries uncle

February 2002

189.
Elephants, donkeys
Unite against enemy:
Real campaign reform

190.
Lips say "No veto"
Hips say "You'd better kill it"
Shays-Meehan Bushspeak

191.
Bread for brainwashing:
Madrasah deal. Catechism?
Wafer for groping.

March 2002

193.
"Shadow government"
It's not in concrete bunkers
It's in plush board rooms

194.
Election "winner"
Land "reform" instigator
Robber Mo'grabby

195.
Meteoric rise
Now a Swift fall down the polls
Jane's ride is over

196.
Bush war on terror
Europe's iron-clad support
He hurls back their steel

197.
Puppeteer Yasir
World pleads for end to attacks
The strings are broken

April 2002

199.
The Cardinal Law
Protect church before children
To hell with the f*%#

200.
President Chávez
Coup, arrest, bungling, riot
President Chávez

201.
Explosion rocks France
"Foreigners" come flying out
Le Pen's "hot air" bomb

May 2002

203.
Big "Crusader" gun
Comes with Muslim-seeking shells
They're marked with crosses

204.
Story-telling art
Lives on in Nigeria
Just check your e-mail

John Cho,