SPAM Haiku 2001-2100

Move backwards to Numbers 1901-2000.


2001.
O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This, that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"
--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2002.
The SPAM man cometh.
Appease him with mayonnaise,
Incense of burnt toast.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2003.
Take some SPAM to class.
Teachers love it rolled into
Tasty pink globules.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2004.
Time for a quickie.
You look so pretty in pink.
Wham, bam, thank you, SPAM.

--Denise Kaisler

2005.
Twist off the gray strip.
Plant a spoon in the substance.
Lick that bastard clean!

--brad phillips, cphillips@cybergate.net

2006.
Hannibal Lecter
says to a piggy, "Had it
with chianti. Slurp!"

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2007.
i don't think spam's real
it wasn't ever there, see?
it is just a myth...

--heather joan williams

2008.
Diner. Kerouac
rhapsodizes over wild
American SPAM.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2009.
SPAM and SPAMmess get
Hitched. Wedding feast at Hormel's.
Guests bring own ketchup.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2010.
Volunteers for SPAM?
First pig gets best can and a
Hormel house for life!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2011.
At the abattoir
Party, some pigs, crazed with gel,
Made spamicide dives.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2012.
We are all like SPAM:
Curdled, low, fat-meat pork-cube,
The low sucking sound.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2013.
Memories of pain:
Cubes of cold finger pinkness,
Lips still fear mustard.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2014.
Finally his face
eats SPAM, strained hard, explodes his
SPAM with SPAM candles.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2015.
How can cans of pork,
sixty year-old silent pork,
spam information?

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2016.
The SPAM is placid
When falls to toilet from poor,
Would be an icon.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2017.
It glows, strange blues catch:
A ballroom SPAM-aid can buy
Cloves with boys' sex toy.

--OzobTheClown, rorum@anatech.ingr.com

2018.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.
Wherefore art thou so mighty
and green? Close the can.

--Frogboy@chaven.com

2019.
Go to sushi bar,
ask chef for SPAM maki roll.
Harakiri! Ick.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2020.
I really like SPAM
If you don't really like SPAM
Then you are not cool

--Anonymous

2021.
Seeking "Meaning of
Life," Hormel conceives SPAM loaf.
Pig-essence "Soul-food."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2022.
Multi-purpose SPAM
Fills cracks, mends roofs, excludes draughts.
Food as last resort.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2023.
Repel all muggers.
Load a sock with SPAM; keep cocked.
One deft swing K.O.s.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2024.
Affectionate SPAM,
Loving you from the inside.
What a tender thought!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2025.
Sam Spam, hard man, ran
Ham-gang till Bill Pig, big wig,
Got point and hit joint.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2026.
Hormel's out, watch out!
Save your snout, there'll be a rout.
Oh my! Hide in sty.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2027.
A boar is a bore.
A pig is a prig, but SPAM's
Just anti-social.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2028.
"What's that squealing, Jock,
Bagpipes?" "Naw, 'tis a haggis
Courtin' wi' a SPAM."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2029.
You've never had SPAM
Au Sardines avec Cornflakes!?
Try some now with cream.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2030.
That's enough spamming
For now. Let's forget Hormel,
Pork, sties, and pink pigs!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2031.
Wooden boy made meat--
Should have wished to be made real.
It's SPAMmocchio!

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2032.
The pink mass quivers.
I clean my plate and get sick.
Must find the toilet.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2033.
Post Make-Money-Fast,
Or eat pink meat from a can.
They're both the same thing.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2034.
Rubbery pink teat,
Filled with lard and gelatin--
It's a SPAMmary.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2035.
Bought a SPAM T-shirt
Blue with yellow SPAM logo
Take it off rarely

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

2036.
Wore my SPAM boxers
Struck down by a speeding bus
Paramedics laughed

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

2037.
Unemployment strikes.
Unfortunate workers trade
pensions for pink meat.

--Anonymous

2038.
Fingers torn and red,
Naked metal in the bin,
My SPAM free at last!

--Diarmuid, 2nd son of mickman

2039.
Pig snouts, virgin grout
Seek union with unknown grit
In Spamful of bliss.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2040.
SPAM, SPAM, good to eat,
SPAM, SPAM, a wonderful treat,
SPAM, SPAM, slab of meat!

--tzwz37b@prodigy.com

2041.
The SPAM piranhas
can skeletalize a cow
in two seconds flat

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2042.
If you send me SPAM,
you may get a pork chop back.
Check the mail daily.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2043.
I need to get laid.
Hark! Yon demon cometh near.
I've got SPAM for brains.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2044.
I threw up SPAM once.
Now I'm gonna barf again.
Huh, huh, cool. SPAM chunks.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2045.
Beavis and Butthead
Eat lots of SPAM. No wonder
they're so fucking dumb.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2046.
SPAM: Shit, Puke, And Mud
Not included in the damned
Ingredients. Wow.

--James Burns, unacalmer@aol.com

2047.
Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2048.
My Christmas haiku
is a month late. That SPAM muse
is so damned fickle.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2049.
Trapped by the blizzard.
No food except SPAM. I would
rather freeze to death.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2050.
Snow covers the fields.
A pink slab breaks the whiteness.
A blizzard haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2051.
Budget gridlock hits
White House state dinners: SPAM is
served to diplomats.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2052.
Khruschev dumped old tins,
began space race by launching
SPAMnik satelites.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2053.
Evita eats a
slab of SPAM, sings "Don't Cry For
Me, Minnesota."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2054.
Woody Guthrie shares
some pork: "This SPAM is your SPAM,
this SPAM is my SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2055.
If a SPAM falls in
the woods, but no one hears it,
does it make a "splat"?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2056.
Karate and pork.
Blue 'n yellow tins kickbox.
It's Jean-Claude van SPAMme.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2057.
A ticking blue tin.
An explosion of pig snouts.
UnaSPAMer strikes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2058.
Feed SPAM to Congress
To line their stomachs for more
Pork barrel spending

--Massie Ritsch, meritsch@princeton.edu

2059.
SPAM: pink and slimy
Like a gooey eraser
Bizarre simile

--Massie Ritsch, meritsch@princeton.edu

2060.
Confucius, he says,
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Once opened, goes off."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2061.
Lucrecia B. says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Tempting but fatal."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2062.
Gargantua says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Pink and seductive."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2063.
Simple Simon says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Better in the dark."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2064.
Sir Lancelot says
"Love is like a tin of SPAM;
Makes you want to scratch."

--Mike and Jean O'Connor

2065.
the wise man once said
we are what we eat therefore
we're pork substitute

--Ian Furst, taozer@best.com

2066.
Princess looks for frog;
Is it too late? It can't be!
Already in SPAM...

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2067.
Searching for frog prince
Gone! She screams at Hormel, then
Opens can--he winks.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2068.
Shall I compare thee?
"Quite frankly, my dear," she cried
"I don't give a SPAM!"

--Jo, daughter of mickman

2069.
"Mr. Creosote,
Aftah-dinnah SPAM waffah?"
You won't want to see.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2070.
Bruce Willis sent back
To thwart pink virus release
By 12 SPAMonkeys.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2071.
Creatures of the dark,
SPAMs flubber and gobulate.
One more sleepless night!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2072.
Old Nick mixed pigs with
Sin, sex, and insanity.
"What'll we call it, Horm?"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2073.
Sleeping in a tin,
You must drive a fork through its
Heart to kill the SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2074.
Down in the valley
Something stirred. Just old Hormel,
Crunching a nerd. Oink!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2075.
small emergency
back-up dog eats SPAM. potted
meat food product not.

--James Ewert with appologies to Dave Barry, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2076.
Kraft macaroni
SPAM slices, toaster oven
childhood memories

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2077.
Risen from ashes
Hardened pink flesh and gristle
A crazed SPAMzilla!

--Mike McGaff

2078.
Waiting for fallout
Hormel soldiers in hiding
Degreasers deployed

--Mike McGaff

2079.
SPAM conquers Asia
Morals weakened by pink fat
Cellulite rampant

--Mike McGaff

2080.
Now behold the SPAM!
Piggy went to die for us;
What a bloody waste!

--Bernard S. Greenberg, bsg@world.std.com

2081.
Basketball with SPAM
Is fun. The net cuts such cute
Pearly pink streamers!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2082.
Who's a scurvey knave?
Okay, we fight with bare SPAMs.
No bread rolls allowed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2083.
Pinkwhite globs glide down
Silent protest from within
Arteries weeping

--Jim Gordon, jag@hiwaay.net

2084.
Two thousand of them!
Who would have thought good old SPAM
so fascinating?

--Grant Hicks, ghicks@us.oracle.com

2085.
weightlessness of space
SPAM sits heavy in stomach
no SPAM astronauts

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2086.
SPAM there/SPAM not there
uncertainty principle
have to turn the key

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2087.
Picasso applies
SPAM to a canvas. Where's the
nose, the ears, they ask?

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2088.
Homeless man, hand out.
I take SPAM can from my bag.
Abrupt refusal.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2089.
SPAM can in space probe
Humans are an evil race
Aliens declare

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2090.
My Jewish girlfriend
naked, handcuffed, blindfolded,
doesn't know it's SPAM.

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2091.
Bosnian Muslims
IFOR stupidly feeds SPAM
Jihad soon erupts

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2092.
My tongue was worn out
Used SPAM for cunnilingus
She came forever

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2093.
I carved a phallus
Sculpted from contents of blue.
Oh, dammit--it's limp.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2094.
Archimedes drowns
In SPAM bath: shouts "Akerue!"
Which means "Me dense Greek!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2095.
I often wonder
Would SPAMela Anderson
Be as popular?

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2096.
I saw some SPAM once.
Does anyone eat this stuff?
There's a scary thought.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2097.
Yes, I once liked SPAM.
But he eats SPAM all the time!
Now I hate SPAM. Newt.

--Mason "I'll take that Spam!" Greicko, PoohVA@mail.erols.com

2098.
A block of pure SPAM
My tongue licks over my lips
Damn, it tastes like ass

--"Holden Caulfield"

2099.
Twelve o'clock, lunchtime
Wolfing down a SPAMBURGER
Indigestion sucks

--"Holden Caulfield"

2100.
My girlfriend eats SPAM
"Only sexy guys eat it"
What I do for love

--"Holden Caulfield"


Move forwards to Numbers 2101-2200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.