SPAM Haiku 2501-2600

Move backwards to Numbers 2401-2500.

2501.
I watched Babe on tape
while I ate a can of SPAM.
Made it tastier.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2502.
Men who say they're girls;
Dirty pictures; SPAM haiku.
That's the Internet.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2503.
MCI and Sprint
send SPAM to their customers.
AT&T wins.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2504.
US Navy regs
say that you cannot serve SPAM
to the enlisted.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2505.
French Revolution.
"Let them eat SPAM," Marie says.
To the guillotine!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2506.
"S-Chip Bill" proposed
to censor TV SPAM ads.
Much public support.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2507.
Check this out: Cram as
much SPAM in cheeks as you can.
Instant Brando face!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2508.
Here's a real haiku:
Nature nature SPAM SPAM SPAM.
Nature nature SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2509.
Galileo probe
found there's SPAM in Jupiter.
NASA hushed it up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2510.
I'm not kidding here.
The Great Red Spot is composed
of SPAM and methane.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2511.
Yes, I'm serious!
Jupiter is SPAM!...What's that?
Medication time?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2512.
Help me understand:
They put hotdog meat in cans
and people buy it??

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2513.
Served my cat some SPAM.
A.S.P.C.A. came by
and they kicked my ass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2514.
DeVry Institute
offers class in "SPAM Repair."
Nobody signs up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2515.
Heart-shaped chunk of SPAM.
Gave it to my sweetheart; now
I'm single again.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2516.
Gave the heart of SPAM
to my mother. Then she wrote
me out of her will.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2517.
By this time the heart
of SPAM had turned green. I had
to get rid of it.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2518.
Sent the heart of SPAM
to a local soup kitchen.
Eighteen winos died.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2519.
They sent me to jail.
Gave me twenty-five to life.
Man, what a bummer.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2520.
Moral of this tale?
Do not make a heart of SPAM.
It will break your heart.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2521.
Seven world wonders,
only one remains: cheops.
Wrong. Eight and two: SPAM!

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2522.
Iridescent SPAM
winking pinkly, so slyly
at me. I am watched.

--psyche, psyche@blarg.net

2523.
Predatory SPAM
Benign Pepto-Bismol pink
Masks its true intent

--psyche, psyche@blarg.net

2524.
It bites, yes it does
A pink chunk in a blue can
SPAM is mad, rabid

--psyche, psyche@blarg.net

2525.
Marie Antoinette
Would say about the breadless
Oh, let them eat SPAM!

--Dave Silverman, nas8@psu.edu

2526.
Gelatinous host,
When right-wing talk shows fade out,
Rush him into SPAM.

--Dave Silverman, nas8@psu.edu

2527.
Days of World War II,
G.I.s open their rations--
SPAM! Let us forage.

--Dave Silverman, nas8@psu.edu

2528.
From Mary Shelley's
troubled dreams came Frankenstein...
SPAM far too unreal.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2529.
Products for new times:
Velveeta in a sealed tin
and squeeze bottle SPAM.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2530.
Dogwood blossoms bloom.
Each petal as pink as SPAM
and better-smelling.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2531.
If dogwood smelled like
dogs, it would still smell better
than SPAM, any day.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2532.
Golden carp in pool.
Feed them SPAM; oh, no! They're dead!
Now they're upside down!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2533.
Fujiyama-san.
Capped with pink snow at sunrise.
Kinda looks like SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2534.
I used SPAM for bait
on a deep-sea fishing trip.
Didn't catch a thing.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2535.
Nuremburg courtroom.
Goering denies eating SPAM.
Charged with perjury.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2536.
Boy Scout camping trip.
Kid cooks SPAM for his patrol.
He gets a wedgie.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2537.
Bake SPAM on your car's
engine block. Tasty, but it
voids your warranty.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2538.
Dolphin-safe tuna?
Good idea, but how 'bout
this: Rodent-safe SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2539.
The Johnson White House:
LBJ picks up a can
of SPAM by the ears.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2540.
The Nixon White House:
SPAM at state dinner. Chef says,
"I am not a cook."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2541.
In the Ford White House:
SPAM falls down a flight of stairs.
Almost breaks its neck.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2542.
The Carter White House:
SPAM feels malaise; wait, that's not
malaise. Mayonnaise.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2543.
The Reagan White House:
SPAM is caught upstairs in bed
with Frank Sinatra.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2544.
In the Bush White House:
George eats SPAM to prove he's tough.
Would a wimp do that?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2545.
The Clinton White House:
SPAM for state dinner...Hey, where'd
it go? It's gone! BILL!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2546.
Does Mike O'Connor
Spend all his allotted SPAM
Composing haiku?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2547.
Hormel kissed the pigs
"Squish," who kissed him back, "Splodge." Ah,
True love! Then came SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2548.
Rich politicians
And SPAM loaves are kin; both oiled,
Cubic, pink, reeking.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2549.
There is a naïv-
eté about cold SPAMs. Poor
Condemned innocents!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2550.
C-Rations: combat.
M.R.E.: Meal, Ready to
Eat. Contains no SPAM.

--john.foster@camel.com

2551.
Cats cry. No cat food.
I open a can of SPAM.
Cats cry. Get cat food.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2552.
I have jars of SPAM
molding in my grandma's house;
who will eat them all?

--Anonymous

2553.
Have you ever tried
putting SPAM over your eyes
to put you to sleep?

--Anonymous

2554.
I once fed my cat
a vat of SPAM to keep it
from running away.

--Anonymous

2555.
Spam launched from darkness
Five hundred million at once
Searching for The One

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2556.
Spam drawn to ovum
Ignites mystery of life
born Ham or Spumin'?

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2557.
Same combination
New, holy definition
Spam and eggs, buddy

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2558.
Texan Senator
quits. Changed my bumper sticker:
"Spamm for President."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2559.
Babe nominated.
Hanks and Travolta shut out.
SPAM is triumphant.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2560.
The Grinch steals the SPAM.
The Hoos in Hooville have their
best Christmas ever.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2561.
Kellogg's and Hormel
merge. Their new cereal for
breakfast? Raisin SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2562.
In Shakespeare's SPAMlet:
Shouts at Ophelia, "Get thee
to a cannery."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2563.
Dennis Rodman sports
a bold new look. He's wearing
SPAM on his head now.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2564.
Rodman ejected.
Too much slippin' and slidin'
On dripping pink grease.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2565.
Way too much TV
A couch potato's mantra
Python fans chant SPAM

--rozebud

2566.
Mike O'Connor spends
His time Spamming, loafing, drink-
Ing wine. Idle bum!

--Omar Khayyam O'Connor

2567.
Pat Buchanan says,
Give me values, SPAM salad!
A secret Nazi?

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2568.
Bob Dole holds that pen
in his hand to poke holes in
SPAM can. Then he sucks.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2569.
Steve Forbes has that grin.
Why? Nobody knows. I bet
he never ate SPAM.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2570.
A President named
Lamar? Sounds like a stripper.
Lamar and her Spams.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2571.
Captain Hormel swung
His knife; parted Piggy from
His life. Then canned him.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2572.
"God SPAM you merry
Gentlepigs, may no one you
Disgorge," sang Hormel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2573.
Firm, slick, and salty
your thick pink form excites me
sliding from the can

--SD2, annaanna@eworld.com

2574.
Velvety-smooth meat
I take you in my mouth and
swallow the juices

--SD2, annaanna@eworld.com

2575.
SPAMeyow! Feed me.
Cats ask for it by name. Why?
Carnivorous cats.

--john.foster@camel.com

2576.
Like Babe and Gordy
Movie pigs too cute to eat
SPAM: Fictional meat

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2577.
Vegetarians
have fun on computer Web
with tofu haiku

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2578.
Keith Richards preserved
with alcohol. Still alive.
Eats just pickled SPAM.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2579.
The glop in the can
doubles as hair gel. Hip cats
will follow you, boy.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2580.
My dog just loves SPAM!
Also digs up cat droppings.
High protein dog snacks.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2581.
SPAM haiku causes
creative juices to flow.
Didn't drain the can.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2582.
Beauty contestants
show off lips, snouts, and knuckles--
Miss SPAM wanna-bes.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2583.
SPAM turns even less
appetizing if your knife
slices through gristle.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2584.
Civilizations
in the future dig up SPAM.
Low life form relic.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2585.
Record exec says,
"Oh, by the way, which one's Pink?"
Roger says, "I SPAM."

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2586.
Est-ce la nourriture?
Qu'est ce que c'est que cette chose "spamme"?
C'est un vrai mystère.

--Anonymous

2587.
Grown in the French hills
Fine Spamernet sauvignon
You can taste the feet

--Anonymous

2588.
SPAM in a bottle
With nose (or snout) of old pig:
Gewurtzspaminer.

--Anonymous

2589.
Prefer some rosé?
Plump pigs hanging on the vine--
Just pluck and squeeze them.

--Anonymous

2590.
Wine left in bottle
But alas we lost the cork
A SPAM plug worked fine

--Anonymous

2591.
I think I'm in love
I don't know if she digs SPAM
Her name is Esther

--Ashley Wakeman, Ash@zeta.org.au

2592.
A loaf is fine but
Know ye not, Tentmaker, that
Pink wine goes with SPAM?

--Hormel Khayyam Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2593.
A moving finger?
No. That pink thing writing is
A sliver of SPAM.

--Hormel Khayyam Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2594.
Clouds blacken. Lightning
Flashes. Thunders roar. Earth womb
Shakes. A SPAM is born!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2595.
The girls at St. Hil-
Da's giggled when they saw SPAM
Naked, without can.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2596.
Tested my head with
SPAMmeter. Confirmed "Insane."
Just a crazy pig!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2597.
Born in World War Two.
Hogs marching off to battle.
Dressed in tin armor.

--Marc Frattasio, marc_frattasio@bedison.com

2598.
Fleshy pink meat treat.
Providing cheap nutrition.
SPAM the wonder food.

--Marc Frattasio, marc_frattasio@bedison.com

2599.
Pork and Beans and SPAM
with Macaroni and Cheese
and a fine Merlot

--Bruce D. Sidlinger, Bruce@Sidlinger.COM

2600.
Justice piping hot:
Chef dumped in bouillabaisse for
Serving SPAM en croute.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu