SPAM Haiku 2901-3000

Move backwards to Numbers 2801-2900.

2901.
Testicular lick,
a mouthed shaft--saliva-slick:
Mt. Fuji erupts!

--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2902.
Little poems fit
tiny archipelago:
Japanese haiku.

--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2903.
Serendipity.
Economicality:
lexical high coup!

--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2904.
Make haiku on SPAM?
What pretention! Forget it.
Leave it to the prose.

--herb hersh

2905.
Why not fling the SPAM
to the top of Mt. Fuji?
Let it rest in piece.

--herb hersh

2906.
Begin with 5 sounds,
and seven more to make twelve.
Then another 5.

--herb hersh

2907.
My tent is leaking;
all I have to eat is SPAM.
I'm discontented.

--herb hersh

2908.
Full-bodied morsels:
it's a perfect SPAM moment.
What am I saying?

--herb hersh

2909.
Delicious good ham
beaten and buttered and steamed
is turned into SPAM.

--herb hersh

2910.
Resonating SPAMs
all coupled with each other?
It makes me shudder.

--herb hersh

2911.
I go to the store
The butcher eyes me strangely
He sees me buy SPAM

--herb hersh

2912.
I can not believe
of my SPAM you would make sport
but not of Cheez-Whiz.

--herb hersh

2913.
Call nine-eleven
if you think you've eaten SPAM.
Next time take more care!

--herb hersh

2914.
While I'm composing
An "Ode on a Slice of SPAM"
It's decomposing.

--herb hersh

2915.
I remove the stain
of the SPAM au gratin with
Absolut Vodka.

--herb hersh

2916.
If mixed with ice cream
and some cubes of baloney,
you have SPAMoni.

--herb hersh

2917.
I like SPAM in June,
but also in December?
I don't remember!

--herb hersh

2918.
The politicians
in Japan all relish SPAM.
It's on their Diet.

--herb hersh

2919.
Much praise to Hormel--
they have the guts to sell SPAM.
Smart buyer beware.

--herb hersh

2920.
Put SPAM in the pan
throw in a pound of butter--
see the SPAM sputter.

--herb hersh

2921.
These are quiet times.
Having nothing else to do
I am eating SPAM.

--herb hersh

2922.
No SPAM has been left!
I'm not just disappointed
I'm very bereft.

--herb hersh

2923.
I am very bored.
Today I walked to village
and purchased some SPAM.

--herb hersh

2924.
They serve no SPAM here--
just steak and seafood dinners.
We must go elsewhere.

--herb hersh

2925.
Will I never learn?
I spent all the day crying.
And over spilt SPAM!

--herb hersh

2926.
I cannot ask more
than please serve SPAM nevermore.
Quote me: "never more."

--herb hersh

2927.
If you must have SPAM
why must you always eat it
right out of the can?

--herb hersh

2928.
Cook Lo prepares SPAM.
We have it much too often.
I am spic of SPAM.

--herb hersh

2929.
Pierre praises SPAM
served on bread with Grey Poupon.
A plate of French boast.

--herb hersh

2930.
Bread and Zinfandel
and juicy slivers of SPAM,
to stay in the pink.

--herb hersh

2931.
SPAM is always served
at Ukranian dinners.
It's on the pogrom.

--herb hersh

2932.
They were out of SPAM
and it was that time of month.
So I went berserk.

--herb hersh

2933.
Something might be said
for a meal of SPAM and bread.
But what can be said?

--herb hersh

2934.
Here in Chicago
gangs use their stashes of SPAM
when they're on the Lam.

--herb hersh

2935.
Prisoners eat SPAM.
The wardens make them do so:
they are the SPAMlords.

--herb hersh

2936.
In my red Honda
I traverse the Brooklyn Bridge.
It is a short SPAM.

--herb hersh

2937.
The aquarium
has species many to see.
I like the SPAM whale.

--herb hersh

2938.
See Michael Jordan
put globe into a circle.
It's just a SPAM-dunk.

--herb hersh

2939.
In the trading pit
there is very good advice:
Buy the Dow; sell SPAM.

--herb hersh

2940.
Consumers' Digest
completes its testing of SPAM:
a real shock hazard.

--herb hersh

2941.
A good aroma
rising from a china plate.
Is it SPAM or steak?

--herb hersh

2942.
Help me I'm drowning.
I can't stop writing haikus.
It's you, Cho, j'accuse!

--herb hersh

2943.
A terrible time,
the SPAMish inquisition.
Not unlike today.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2944.
Slimy spaghetti
under paté de oinker.
SPAM boy-ar-dee. Yum!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2945.
Casa de Piggie
features Tacos Hormel and
SPAM enchiladas.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2946.
Genetic research
finds SPAM gene distinguishing
pork "products" from food.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2947.
Cho adds litany
and robes: SPAM archive is now
tax deductible.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2948.
"Give up SPAM for Lent?
Hah! Over my dead body!"
Suicide by SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2949.
Autopsy finds SPAM;
Kevorkian was nearby.
See you in court, Jack.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2950.
Some think SPAM IS GOOD,
but SAD PIGS MOO to avoid
Hormel's PIG ASS DOOM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2951.
Each SPAM can is like
a birthday present--you don't
know what is inside.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2952.
SPAM: unknown pink stuff
a living organism
a meat substitute

--Anonymous

2953.
At midnight we pause,
raise our tins high in the air,
"Happy New SPAM Year!!"

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2954.
On Valentine's Day
give her what every girl wants:
A big heart-shaped SPAM

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2955.
On Valentine's Eve
I take my love to Chez SPAM
We share a pink slab

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2956.
St. Patrick's dress code
Can't find green; eat SPAM instead
Face turns needed shade

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2957.
SPAM eggs for Easter;
Hide them all over the yard...
"Damn, the dog ate 'em!"

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2958.
Fourth of July fun
They ignite the SPAM rocket,
a dazzling pink burst

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2959.
A Halloween SPAM:
Roll loaves into one big ball.
Carve a mouth and eyes.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2960.
Thanksgiving morning
We're out of bread and croutons.
Stuff the bird with SPAM.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2961.
Joy at Christmas time
We dance around the SPAM tree,
pretty and pungent

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2962.
Leave SPAM for Santa
Next morning, a reindeer head:
death threat from Kringle

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2963.
In Xanadu did
Kublai Khan gyre and gimble
in the SPAM! (Huh? What???)

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2964.
World too confusing;
I'll eschew obfuscation
and eat humble SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2965.
Preaching the evils
of man's taunts against nature:
it's Elmer SPAMtry.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2966.
Tonight, Passover;
Comet, SPAM-red eclipsed moon.
It is Judgment Day.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2967.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2968.
Ah, my boss on leave.
Office quiet, no work done.
SPAM Haiku all day.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2969.
O'er the Hormel plant
In Minnesota towers
A New Colossus:

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2970.
Not like the offered
Lamb of Greek fame, with well-tied
Limbs in sacrifice;

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2971.
Here at our blood-drenched
Slaughterhouse gates shall stand a
Mighty, fattened Sow,

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2972.
With a greasy grin
Whose fat content is fright'ning,
Named Mother of SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2973.
From her bacon-flesh
Glows pinkish welcome; her stench
Commands the ill-aired

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2974.
Abattoir that twin
Head-locks frame. "Keep ancient lands
Your cuisine!" snorts she.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2975.
"O give me your tired,
Your poor, your oinking masses
Of your teeming shore.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2976.
Send these, herded, fat
Swine, to me. We lift axes
O'er the crimson door!"

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2977.
"I ate SPAM today,
Oh boy." Deleted stanza.
Even Yoko puked.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2978.
SPAMku writer's block.
Opened can to inspire me.
Oh, what have I done.....

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2979.
Dante cataloged
tortures in hell but did not
anticipate SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2980.
Hormel to merge with
WD40 soon.
Look for spray can SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2981.
For emergencies
use SPAM as glue or putty.
Better than duct tape.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2982.
McDonald's wants to
market McMeal in a can.
Hormel sues for fraud.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2983.
Film shows travesty
In snowy Minnesota.
Fargo? No. SPAMgo.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2984.
Last scene in Fargo
Not for the faint-hearted. Shows
Just how SPAM is made.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2985.
Brainerd's Paul Bunyan
Feasts on odd blue tinned meat. Ox
Pen empty, silent.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2986.
Babe nominated
For Oscars, blanked. Investors
Chow down on hero.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2987.
We approach our third
Millenium. SPAM Haiku
Approaches its fourth.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2988.
Unabomber lived
on SPAM, venison, tuna.
Mystery now solved!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

2989.
I eat spam I am
I do not like it one bit
spam tastes like it's blank

--Anonymous

2990.
Hormel sells Top Shelf
Meals to Dinty Moore, gives full
Attention to SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2991.
"I hate SPAM haikus
as much as I hate Swiftys,"
said Tom meatily.

--john.foster@camel.com

2992.
SPAM, cubed, served hot on
a plate of Spaghetti-Os:
It's SPAMghetti-Os!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2993.
Composed that one in
the dreamy depths of REM sleep.
I know I need help.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2994.
Imperishable,
fall-out shelter food product;
SPAM, it will provide.

--oliver kuehn, ok@uvic.ca

2995.
Gotta wonder, why
Was it ever invented?
Wartime substitute.

--Elliott Moreton

2996.
Mickey Spillane's Mike
Spammer: a private eye who
Locates missing pigs.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2997.
The SHAM's Tasty Picks
Don't include enough of my
Offerings. The swine!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2998.
We're about to hit
3000 of these haiku.
We should all get lives.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2999.
The Unabomber
Didn't make bombs out of SPAM.
Guess he's not so bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3000.
The CDC in
Atlanta has a locked "SPAM
Room." No admittance!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom