4801.
A friend of a friend
told me that green SPAM is an
aphrodisiac.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4802.
Asked the FDA.
All they had to say was, "Green
SPAM! ICK! Throw it out!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4803.
Why should I believe
the FDA? I tried green
SPAM on my girlfriend.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4804.
Now my girlfriend's dead
and I'm in Riker's Island.
Live and learn, I guess.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4805.
Aborigines
run out of their poison darts.
Duck! SPAM boomerangs!
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4806.
"Help the SPAMbardier!"
"I'm the SPAMbardier! I'm fine!"
"Then help him! Help him!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4807.
soft, unmoving spam
thud as it hits a cold plate
like imminent death
--alda schwonke, alda@owlnet.rice.edu
4808.
2000 years come
All mankind has ceased to be
Only SPAM found now
--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com
4809.
Beavis and Butthead
Make jokes about meat products
Not SPAM though I think
--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com
4810.
Vegetarian
Smells SPAM. Turns, hurls his cookies.
NEVER will eat meat.
--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com
4811.
Perverted old man
Eyeing the pink meat with lust
S.P.A.M.B.L.A. member...shame.
--Monique Johnson
4812.
SPAM and Tang dinner.
Meal most feared by astronauts.
"Open the trash, Hal."
--Monique Johnson
4813.
Mother loved you more.
I only got coal. No SPAM
In my red stocking.
--Wendi Aarons
4814.
Sammy Davis sucks.
"The Candy Man Can"? No, bro-
Tha, the SPAM man can.
--Wendi Aarons
4815.
Joined the Peace Corps. One
Time took SPAM to Haiti. Soon
They learned to build rafts.
--Wendi Aarons
4816.
SPAM loved by Elvis,
King of Rock and Roll music.
Love me tender, SPAM.
--Wendi Aarons
4817.
Woman of my dreams
Lying on the sofa nude.
Mmmm, those SPAM-like thighs.
--Monique Johnson
4818.
A recurring dream:
Man made of SPAM chasing me
with mustard and bread.
--Monique Johnson
4819.
All out of pomade,
I styled with greasy SPAM juice.
Looks great...but the flies.
--Monique Johnson
4820.
It caused my divorce.
He got jealous in the end.
Phallus carved of SPAM.
--Monique Johnson
4821.
I had the SPAM shakes,
Cut my tongue licking the can.
SPAM blood or my blood?
--Monique Johnson
4822.
John Cho genius?
Or a lettered maniac?
SPAM haiku?...yeah, right.
--Monique Johnson
4823.
Columbus was wrong.
Silly Spaniard! A round Earth?
This world is SPAM shaped.
--Wendi Aarons
4824.
Three-Mile Island trip
Fishing rod snagged a huge fish
Pink, fierce--Moby SPAM
--Wendi Aarons
4825.
Kerri Strug's a bitch
"The Breakfast of Champions"?
Yo, midget, it's SPAM
--Wendi Aarons
4826.
spam is delicious
it quells our aching hunger
it comes in a can
--claire vernon and eh canadian
4827.
it is on the shelf
collecting dust and neglect
hey, spam is lonely
--claire vernon and eh canadian
4828.
it is our best friend
tasty fun for one and all
why are we loners?
--claire vernon and eh canadian
4829.
monty speaks of spam
python eats it for breakfast
rules the morning meal
--claire vernon and eh canadian
4830.
we ran out of spam
so we sit here without food
why is life so bad?
--claire vernon and eh canadian
4831.
When I bit the SPAM,
I chipped my front tooth. I should
Open the can first.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4832.
There's a block of SPAM
On the end of each tree branch.
How I love the fall.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4833.
Eating SPAM is like
Having two tongues in your mouth,
And swallowing one.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4834.
I spilled flour on the
SPAM. It seemed white as a ghost,
A ghost of a pig.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4835.
This is just to say
I have eaten the SPAM that
Was in the icebox.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4836.
It was unpleasant;
I think I've suffered enough.
Will you forgive me?
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4837.
A little sparrow
Beneath a picnic table
Pecking pork pebbles
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4838.
"But I love cold SPAM.
I really do, Gepetto!"
A nose is growing.
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4839.
She supplies Hormel
With swine at cut rate prices
Her name is Circe
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4840.
Though hued like this SPAM
Your cheek shall more quickly fade
Frail cherry blossom
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4841.
Poor betrayed porkers!
Noah's ark protected you
For what? This dumb can?
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4842.
SPAM thrown overboard
Attracts mako and thresher
They think it is chum
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4843.
A slice of satin:
Hormel has transformed sows' ears
Into a silk purse!
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4844.
Shredded coconut,
Marshmallows, mayo, fake ham:
SPAMbrosia salad
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4845.
SPAM between his cheeks
And yet he cannot taste it
"Squee like a piggy!"
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4846.
A poor old woman
Eyes a half-priced can of SPAM
She chooses Alpo
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4847.
The SPAM slides smoothly
Down the snowy hill, leaving
A slick pale pink trail.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4848.
Cathouse dialogue:
"What's the name of that whore, Mel?"
Melvin's reply: "'S Pam."
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4849.
Out of boomerangs,
They send his head to Hormel.
It comes back as SPAM.
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4850.
Undigested SPAM!
Better second time around,
scooped out of toilet.
--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com
4851.
From barnyard to can
Many large swine made little
For her dainty mouth
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4852.
I'm a connoisseur.
This slice tastes of Kansas pork
And, maybe, dachshund.
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4853.
When I serve guests SPAM,
They flip out. Is there such thing
As mad sow disease?
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4854.
Miss Piggy tries SPAM
A foul deed forced on her by
The hand up her ass
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4855.
My Japanese hosts
Gladden my congested heart:
They serve SPAM sushi.
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4856.
Clinton tours Hormel
His bodyguards have failed him
They cannot find Socks
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4857.
In San Francisco,
She feeds me SPAM-a-Roni
I stand on the bridge
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4858.
To SPAMku poets,
The oblong can of flesh is
A reliquary.
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4859.
They say Nijinski
Used a mound of uncooked SPAM
To stuff in his tights
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4860.
Fifty blocks of SPAM
A giant PEZ dispenser
Crowned with a pig's head
--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com
4861.
The wise man tempers
Anger with love, and, likewise,
Caviar with SPAM.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4862.
Erstwhile squealing pig--
Now still on my plate, less than
The sum of its parts.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4863.
The guitar player
Sings plaintively of lost love.
My tears salt my SPAM.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4864.
A former lover
Never leaves you, lingering
Like SPAM's aftertaste.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4865.
I spilled the liquid
As I opened the can. Now,
My floor's all shiny.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4866.
Creative sex nut
has sex with a SPAM meatloaf.
Bestiality?
--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com
4867.
Frozen block of SPAM
Lurking in my freezer like
A germy Mars rock.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4868.
Cans clunk in the walls,
Pink pork peeks from corners. We're
Infested with SPAM.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4869.
The SPAM I left out's
Covered with bugs. This piggy
Is "Lord of the Flies."
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4870.
I left the SPAM can
Unopened. I hope no one
Disturbs my coffin.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4871.
sitting on my bread
it does not need mayo spread
delicious alone
--seas@swva.net
4872.
My friends laugh at me.
"Why this infatuation?"
I have no love life.
--Brandon Estela, bme4b@virginia.edu
4873.
Oh, wintertime blues--
Cozy up by the wood stove,
Read, and eat some SPAM.
--Brandon Estela, bme4b@virginia.edu
4874.
Even dread Cthulhu
is repelled by strange pink stuff.
No SPAM in R'lyeh.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4875.
Of all Earthly meats,
SPAM is the most hideous--
ship it all to Mars!
--Art Durkee, Stickdragn@aol.com
4876.
Elliot, must go
Your world has morphed into SPAM
E.T. no phone home
--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com
4877.
In a can so small
A delectable pink treat
Awaits my God-mouth
--keith warner
4878.
Through my sleepy eyes
I see tomorrow's breakfast
Still canned and waiting.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4879.
Why do you sing, lark?
Did you see my SPAM and think,
"I'd rather eat worms"?
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4880.
With morning, the sun,
Always on time, like the SPAM
Bringing nausea.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4881.
I would ride the rails
And dine on Sterno-warmed SPAM
For one night with you.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4882.
If you know what it's
made of, then, mister, you're a
better man than I.
--Anonymous
4883.
Potsmoker needs bong.
Makes one out of the blue can.
One toke--smokes no more.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4884.
Jesus given choice:
Eat SPAM or be crucified.
You know what He chose.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4885.
Some misguided soul
nails blue can to a canvas,
calls the damned thing art.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4886.
Someone, the next day,
Nails artist to the blue can.
Martyred? I think not.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4887.
color i know not
elegant so still ghastly
i felt sick and cold
--Anonymous
4888.
All the best cigars
(Cuban and Dominican)
Never contain SPAM.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4889.
The jelly in can,
You may think it is funny,
but it's really snot!
--Wyald and Maniac
4890.
Spock scans the pink meat.
"It's life, Jim," he tells Kirk, "but...
not as we know it."
--John M. Debevec (Hitman), jdebev@tusc.kent.edu
4891.
Why is it we find
a thick slab of rubber meat
so damned amusing?
--John M. Debevec (Hitman), jdebev@tusc.kent.edu
4892.
I came home early.
Found my wife in bed with SPAM.
"Pork me! Oh, pork me!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4893.
Man, was I upset.
I threw her out of the house.
And her SPAM can, too.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4894.
Well, nine months later
she gave birth to a healthy
and pink baby boy.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4895.
Just imagine my
surprise when tests showed that the
kid was really mine!
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4896.
Now I have to pay
alimony to my ex
and her damn SPAM can.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4897.
Johnson & Johnson
say, "Don't stick Q-Tips in your
ear canal. Use SPAM."
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4898.
Curly little tails,
pointy little ears, and blunt
snouts. They're all in there.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4899.
Yankee Stadium.
Kid throws SPAM at Orioles.
Now he's a hero?
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4900.
Yoda sez, "SPAM ate
I! Ill did I become! Toss
my cookies did I!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com