SPAM Haiku 4801-4900

Move backwards to Numbers 4701-4800.


4801.
A friend of a friend
told me that green SPAM is an
aphrodisiac.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4802.
Asked the FDA.
All they had to say was, "Green
SPAM! ICK! Throw it out!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4803.
Why should I believe
the FDA? I tried green
SPAM on my girlfriend.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4804.
Now my girlfriend's dead
and I'm in Riker's Island.
Live and learn, I guess.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4805.
Aborigines
run out of their poison darts.
Duck! SPAM boomerangs!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4806.
"Help the SPAMbardier!"
"I'm the SPAMbardier! I'm fine!"
"Then help him! Help him!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4807.
soft, unmoving spam
thud as it hits a cold plate
like imminent death

--alda schwonke, alda@owlnet.rice.edu

4808.
2000 years come
All mankind has ceased to be
Only SPAM found now

--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com

4809.
Beavis and Butthead
Make jokes about meat products
Not SPAM though I think

--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com

4810.
Vegetarian
Smells SPAM. Turns, hurls his cookies.
NEVER will eat meat.

--Paul King, 5011.0836@trader.com

4811.
Perverted old man
Eyeing the pink meat with lust
S.P.A.M.B.L.A. member...shame.

--Monique Johnson

4812.
SPAM and Tang dinner.
Meal most feared by astronauts.
"Open the trash, Hal."

--Monique Johnson

4813.
Mother loved you more.
I only got coal. No SPAM
In my red stocking.

--Wendi Aarons

4814.
Sammy Davis sucks.
"The Candy Man Can"? No, bro-
Tha, the SPAM man can.

--Wendi Aarons

4815.
Joined the Peace Corps. One
Time took SPAM to Haiti. Soon
They learned to build rafts.

--Wendi Aarons

4816.
SPAM loved by Elvis,
King of Rock and Roll music.
Love me tender, SPAM.

--Wendi Aarons

4817.
Woman of my dreams
Lying on the sofa nude.
Mmmm, those SPAM-like thighs.

--Monique Johnson

4818.
A recurring dream:
Man made of SPAM chasing me
with mustard and bread.

--Monique Johnson

4819.
All out of pomade,
I styled with greasy SPAM juice.
Looks great...but the flies.

--Monique Johnson

4820.
It caused my divorce.
He got jealous in the end.
Phallus carved of SPAM.

--Monique Johnson

4821.
I had the SPAM shakes,
Cut my tongue licking the can.
SPAM blood or my blood?

--Monique Johnson

4822.
John Cho genius?
Or a lettered maniac?
SPAM haiku?...yeah, right.

--Monique Johnson

4823.
Columbus was wrong.
Silly Spaniard! A round Earth?
This world is SPAM shaped.

--Wendi Aarons

4824.
Three-Mile Island trip
Fishing rod snagged a huge fish
Pink, fierce--Moby SPAM

--Wendi Aarons

4825.
Kerri Strug's a bitch
"The Breakfast of Champions"?
Yo, midget, it's SPAM

--Wendi Aarons

4826.
spam is delicious
it quells our aching hunger
it comes in a can

--claire vernon and eh canadian

4827.
it is on the shelf
collecting dust and neglect
hey, spam is lonely

--claire vernon and eh canadian

4828.
it is our best friend
tasty fun for one and all
why are we loners?

--claire vernon and eh canadian

4829.
monty speaks of spam
python eats it for breakfast
rules the morning meal

--claire vernon and eh canadian

4830.
we ran out of spam
so we sit here without food
why is life so bad?

--claire vernon and eh canadian

4831.
When I bit the SPAM,
I chipped my front tooth. I should
Open the can first.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4832.
There's a block of SPAM
On the end of each tree branch.
How I love the fall.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4833.
Eating SPAM is like
Having two tongues in your mouth,
And swallowing one.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4834.
I spilled flour on the
SPAM. It seemed white as a ghost,
A ghost of a pig.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4835.
This is just to say
I have eaten the SPAM that
Was in the icebox.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4836.
It was unpleasant;
I think I've suffered enough.
Will you forgive me?

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4837.
A little sparrow
Beneath a picnic table
Pecking pork pebbles

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4838.
"But I love cold SPAM.
I really do, Gepetto!"
A nose is growing.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4839.
She supplies Hormel
With swine at cut rate prices
Her name is Circe

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4840.
Though hued like this SPAM
Your cheek shall more quickly fade
Frail cherry blossom

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4841.
Poor betrayed porkers!
Noah's ark protected you
For what? This dumb can?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4842.
SPAM thrown overboard
Attracts mako and thresher
They think it is chum

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4843.
A slice of satin:
Hormel has transformed sows' ears
Into a silk purse!

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4844.
Shredded coconut,
Marshmallows, mayo, fake ham:
SPAMbrosia salad

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4845.
SPAM between his cheeks
And yet he cannot taste it
"Squee like a piggy!"

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4846.
A poor old woman
Eyes a half-priced can of SPAM
She chooses Alpo

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4847.
The SPAM slides smoothly
Down the snowy hill, leaving
A slick pale pink trail.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4848.
Cathouse dialogue:
"What's the name of that whore, Mel?"
Melvin's reply: "'S Pam."

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4849.
Out of boomerangs,
They send his head to Hormel.
It comes back as SPAM.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4850.
Undigested SPAM!
Better second time around,
scooped out of toilet.

--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com

4851.
From barnyard to can
Many large swine made little
For her dainty mouth

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4852.
I'm a connoisseur.
This slice tastes of Kansas pork
And, maybe, dachshund.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4853.
When I serve guests SPAM,
They flip out. Is there such thing
As mad sow disease?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4854.
Miss Piggy tries SPAM
A foul deed forced on her by
The hand up her ass

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4855.
My Japanese hosts
Gladden my congested heart:
They serve SPAM sushi.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4856.
Clinton tours Hormel
His bodyguards have failed him
They cannot find Socks

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4857.
In San Francisco,
She feeds me SPAM-a-Roni
I stand on the bridge

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4858.
To SPAMku poets,
The oblong can of flesh is
A reliquary.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4859.
They say Nijinski
Used a mound of uncooked SPAM
To stuff in his tights

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4860.
Fifty blocks of SPAM
A giant PEZ dispenser
Crowned with a pig's head

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4861.
The wise man tempers
Anger with love, and, likewise,
Caviar with SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4862.
Erstwhile squealing pig--
Now still on my plate, less than
The sum of its parts.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4863.
The guitar player
Sings plaintively of lost love.
My tears salt my SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4864.
A former lover
Never leaves you, lingering
Like SPAM's aftertaste.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4865.
I spilled the liquid
As I opened the can. Now,
My floor's all shiny.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4866.
Creative sex nut
has sex with a SPAM meatloaf.
Bestiality?

--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com

4867.
Frozen block of SPAM
Lurking in my freezer like
A germy Mars rock.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4868.
Cans clunk in the walls,
Pink pork peeks from corners. We're
Infested with SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4869.
The SPAM I left out's
Covered with bugs. This piggy
Is "Lord of the Flies."

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4870.
I left the SPAM can
Unopened. I hope no one
Disturbs my coffin.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4871.
sitting on my bread
it does not need mayo spread
delicious alone

--seas@swva.net

4872.
My friends laugh at me.
"Why this infatuation?"
I have no love life.

--Brandon Estela, bme4b@virginia.edu

4873.
Oh, wintertime blues--
Cozy up by the wood stove,
Read, and eat some SPAM.

--Brandon Estela, bme4b@virginia.edu

4874.
Even dread Cthulhu
is repelled by strange pink stuff.
No SPAM in R'lyeh.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4875.
Of all Earthly meats,
SPAM is the most hideous--
ship it all to Mars!

--Art Durkee, Stickdragn@aol.com

4876.
Elliot, must go
Your world has morphed into SPAM
E.T. no phone home

--Josh Cortopassi, jcort@sirius.com

4877.
In a can so small
A delectable pink treat
Awaits my God-mouth

--keith warner

4878.
Through my sleepy eyes
I see tomorrow's breakfast
Still canned and waiting.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4879.
Why do you sing, lark?
Did you see my SPAM and think,
"I'd rather eat worms"?

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4880.
With morning, the sun,
Always on time, like the SPAM
Bringing nausea.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4881.
I would ride the rails
And dine on Sterno-warmed SPAM
For one night with you.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4882.
If you know what it's
made of, then, mister, you're a
better man than I.

--Anonymous

4883.
Potsmoker needs bong.
Makes one out of the blue can.
One toke--smokes no more.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4884.
Jesus given choice:
Eat SPAM or be crucified.
You know what He chose.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4885.
Some misguided soul
nails blue can to a canvas,
calls the damned thing art.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4886.
Someone, the next day,
Nails artist to the blue can.
Martyred? I think not.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4887.
color i know not
elegant so still ghastly
i felt sick and cold

--Anonymous

4888.
All the best cigars
(Cuban and Dominican)
Never contain SPAM.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4889.
The jelly in can,
You may think it is funny,
but it's really snot!

--Wyald and Maniac

4890.
Spock scans the pink meat.
"It's life, Jim," he tells Kirk, "but...
not as we know it."

--John M. Debevec (Hitman), jdebev@tusc.kent.edu

4891.
Why is it we find
a thick slab of rubber meat
so damned amusing?

--John M. Debevec (Hitman), jdebev@tusc.kent.edu

4892.
I came home early.
Found my wife in bed with SPAM.
"Pork me! Oh, pork me!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4893.
Man, was I upset.
I threw her out of the house.
And her SPAM can, too.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4894.
Well, nine months later
she gave birth to a healthy
and pink baby boy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4895.
Just imagine my
surprise when tests showed that the
kid was really mine!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4896.
Now I have to pay
alimony to my ex
and her damn SPAM can.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4897.
Johnson & Johnson
say, "Don't stick Q-Tips in your
ear canal. Use SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4898.
Curly little tails,
pointy little ears, and blunt
snouts. They're all in there.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4899.
Yankee Stadium.
Kid throws SPAM at Orioles.
Now he's a hero?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4900.
Yoda sez, "SPAM ate
I! Ill did I become! Toss
my cookies did I!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com


Move forwards to Numbers 4901-5000.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.