SPAM Haiku 5001-5100

Move backwards to Numbers 4901-5000.


5001.
Food innovation
Better living through science
SPAM is proof of that
--Cholesterol 300

5002.
Jealous bologna
Replaced by SPAM in cliché
"That's a bunch of SPAM"

--Cholesterol 300

5003.
Mighty Super Spam
faster through your intestine
than speeding bullets

--Cholesterol 300

5004.
SPAM, grease incarnate
Lube my life with pinkish fat
Slide to salvation

--Cholesterol 300

5005.
Wonder Bread, catsup
Velveeta, Miracle Whip
All are good with SPAM

--Cholesterol 300

5006.
Lead soldered tin can
Congealed grease spread all on top
SPAM: peerless health food

--Cholesterol 300

5007.
People's caviar
SPAM: monument to culture
Martha Stewart's dream

--Cholesterol 300

5008.
New! "As the SPAM Turns"
Soap opera 'bout pork meat
Rather than porking

--Cholesterol 300

5009.
SPAM: canned nirvana
Get high, smoke it in a bong
Soon to be outlawed

--Cholesterol 300

5010.
SPAM: God's gift of love
Low-rent communion wafer
Manna from Hormel

--Cholesterol 300

5011.
SPAM, not honey pot
Constipates Winnie the Pooh
Pooh Bear can't poo now

--Cholesterol 300

5012.
Hormel buys Zabar's.
Staff warned, "pink stuff or pink slip."
SPAM focaccia.

--Adam

5013.
Valley Girl tries SPAM.
"Like, ick!!! That is SO grody!
Gag me with a spoon!"

--Adam

5014.
It turns out Hormel
is a CIA plot to
destroy poor people.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5015.
Fat globules melt off,
Un-meatly odor rises,
Fried SPAM for supper!

--b.morrison@sympatico.ca

5016.
SPAM! Glorious SPAM!
Without you I am nothing,
SPAM, my life, my love.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5017.
the wages of spam
is sharing a liquid laugh
with Armitage Shanks

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

5018.
Coffeeshops seem hip.
Why can't SPAM be trendy, too?
Imagine "SPAMbucks."

--Drew Scott

5019.
Sleepy retailers!
The connection eludes you:
Book stores lack SPAM shops!

--Drew Scott

5020.
"Don't worry," said Mom
to her vegetarian
daughter. "SPAM's not meat..."

--Anonymous

5021.
Neil sure loves his SPAM
He licks the lining of tin
Now he is sterile

--David Barrison, scooby@pathcom.com

5022.
Moist fleshy pink meat
Mocked by many loved by few
Never mock the meat

--David Barrison, scooby@pathcom.com

5023.
Puréed feet of pig
Airplane barf bags afloating
I'm not cleaning it!

--Alexander Trauzzi, atrauzzi@cyberspc.mb.ca

5024.
A choice must be made.
What is SPAM? What is tofu?
SPAM haunts all my dreams.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5025.
Creator of SPAM,
Did he win a Nobel Prize?
Sentence him to death.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5026.
SPAM, taunt me no more!
For I must know what you are.
What part of the pig?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5027.
They say it is pork.
Or is it just parts of pig
we'd rather not know?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5028.
Don't open the can!
For a secret lies inside.
Pink glistening fat.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5029.
My first taste of SPAM.
I had once been a small child.
Now I am a man.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5030.
Now I am a man,
I must resist temptation.
SPAM will make me sick.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5031.
SPAM will make me sick,
Blowing of fatty pink chunks.
Recycle, again?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5032.
Recycle, again?
How many times, already?
Too many to care.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5033.
Can there really be
More than five thousand spamku
In one universe?

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

5034.
Prehistoric clone
Spits acid gel at Newmann
It's Jurassic SPAM!

--jdonato@nimbus.ocis.temple.edu

5035.
Jeff Goldblum declares;
"That is one big pile of SPAM!"
Can't wait for sequel...

--jdonato@nimbus.ocis.temple.edu

5036.
The companion "star"
to Hale-Bopp turns out to be
a giant SPAM can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5037.
Smorgasbord tonight
Slices of SPAM on a plate
Give me lutefisk!

--Sue Sarlette, suegerry@muscanet.com

5038.
How different is
SPAM in England to your SPAM?
Insignificant.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5039.
Had my review, got
a raise. Can write SPAMKU at
work for next few months.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

5040.
Smear me with SPAM when
I go. For my funeral
read some SPAM haiku.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

5041.
When you seek me on
the Day of Doom look for me
in the tinned meat isle.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

5042.
Authors of Spamku
here is a thought for you all.
SPAM donuts are great!

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5043.
If you had to choose
between SPAM and painful death,
is life worth the taste?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5044.
After all, is there
anything in life after
the first taste of SPAM?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5045.
Can you remember
your first time? Or have you blocked
painful memories?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5046.
I remember all
the bittersweet taste of SPAM.
The smell of vomit.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5047.
You only live twice.
Once when you are born, and once
when you first taste SPAM.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5048.
Schizophrenia.
I love SPAM. No, I hate SPAM.
Maybe. I don't know...

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5049.
Wisdom from a can:
The label should have warnings,
hazardous to health.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5050.
Sat in front of my
computer, thoughts are of SPAM.
It is hard to work.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5051.
I should be working,
I write computer programs.
I think of Spamku.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5052.
I can give it up!
I am not addicted to
Spamku...SPAM neither!

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5053.
Quick, I need a fix!
A cube of pink porcine fat
stored in a blue can.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5054.
Maman died today.
I do not care because she
always fed me SPAM.

--Anonymous

5055.
SPAM falling on floor.
SPLAT! Jelly is on my leg,
Slime is on my shoe.

--Andrew Benton

5056.
Drying in the sun,
The banners of SPAM waving
Meat by-product flags.

--Andrew Benton

5057.
Namu Myoho Spam,
Praise unto its name, Spamu
Amida Butsu.

--Andrew Benton

5058.
I'm worried about
all modern technology.
Will there still be SPAM?

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5059.
Leaves fall to the ground
as they turn from green to gold.
SPAM stays usual pink.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5060.
Snow lies all about
as winter draws ever near.
The can is still blue.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5061.
Spring glory leaps forth
as yellow daffodils grow.
There is always SPAM.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5062.
The long hot summer
season's always spoilt for me.
Deep fried SPAM again.

--Andy Connor, ensamc

5063.
David Allen Coe
sings, "and if that ain't haiku,
then I'll kiss your SPAM."

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@mindspring.com

5064.
My dog won't eat it.
Just why does he demonstrate
more wisdom than I?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5065.
Autumn leaves falling
lead to winter's gentle snows.
SPAM splats and quivers.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5066.
Freshman running nude
Through snow, SPAM glued to his chest--
Hell week at the frat.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5067.
Father says grace: "Lord,
We would normally thank you
For our food...but SPAM?"

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5068.
SPAM: white bread soul food
Ethnically neutral pig fat
The nowhere cuisine

--Cholesterol 300

5069.
Like a bottle cork
SPAM plugs the hole in my butt
Aging like fine wine

--Cholesterol 300

5070.
Mister Shakespeare said:
"SPAM by any other name,
would still smell like shit."

--Cholesterol 300

5071.
A truly good deed
Is to chuck the pink fleshy
Recycle the tin

--jim strange

5072.
A lifetime of SPAM
Frying briskly in the pan
Will be a short one

--Bill Mewaldt

5073.
Pink porcine meat mass
Salty fat coursing my veins
Heart doctor's paycheck

--jim strange

5074.
a block of fake meat
if you coat SPAM with plastic
you make a doorstop

--Luke Gattuso

5075.
sunrise morning sky
the sizzling pork lard spatters
soon the taste i crave

--spamakawa

5076.
winter camper sits
falling snow muffles senses
grilled spam warms the soul

--spamakawa

5077.
SPAM crosses ocean
feeds soldiers of Red Army.
Downfall of Third Reich.

--Anonymous

5078.
SPAMku's not sinful
Just do it in private and
Wash hands afterwards

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

5079.
Turning key strips tin
Soft pink inside cruel metal
SPAM spluts to freedom

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5080.
a processed karma
cycle of ham; spam goes in
and lo, spam comes out

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5081.
Democratic SPAM
All species ground together
America's meat

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5082.
Alien matter
I cringe as gristle meets tooth
SPAM: A food I fear

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5083.
Pedestal for dust
Way back in the cabinet
Grandma plans ahead

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5084.
A SPAM animal
Its screams muffled by the tin
The pantry is still

--Chip Young, chyoung@rci.rutgers.edu

5085.
Door jammed on shuttle.
Engineers discover cause.
Old SPAM found in seal.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5086.
Turns out a sloppy
technician smeared his hands on
door seal. He'll be fired.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5087.
Later, depressed and
drunken shuttle crew will tie
him to the launch pad.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5088.
They force feed him cans
of SPAM, leave him there. Next launch
leaves weird ash on pad.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

5089.
In Spamadu did
Hormel Khan a stately ab-
Attoir decree. Oink!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5090.
Take last year's bad jokes.
Wrap them in a sock and squeeze.
What have you got? SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5091.
There is a quiet
Dignity about SPAM, sad
Corpse in its coffin.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5092.
The tortured writer
Crosses his words out again;
They fall short of SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5093.
Faint in the air, like
A remembered melody--
That smell from my youth.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5094.
It's revealed David
Koresh was stockpiling SPAM,
Not guns. He's still nuts.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5095.
Her buttocks move with
An articulated twitch,
SPAM-pink, yet firmer.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5096.
Doctor Spamenstein
Sighed, "Igor, things have gone wrong.
We'll have to can it."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5097.
In reality
SPAM is made fom baboon bums,
Smoked, salted, and tinned.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

5098.
sure spam's good to eat
and to fill your cheeks with it
but you are all freaks

--Gidon Shaviv and friend, gidons@hotmail.com

5099.
I can't take it, man.
SPAM holds many mysteries...
...blows my fucking mind!

--Anonymous

5100.
What's the difference
Between SPAM and terminal
Gastric trauma? None.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk


Move forwards to Numbers 5101-5200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.