SPAM Haiku: Addiction

SHAM-90.
I sent her ninety
SPAM haiku to show my love.
She sent me a shrink.

54.
My life in ruin.
My wife, job, home -- all lost. SPAM!
You did this to me!

--R. Kaufman

107.
The haiku offered
has me somewhat concerned now.
"Am I a SPAM freak?"

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

111.
Reading SPAM haiku
When my brain screamed out to me
Why do you waste time?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

126.
So much SPAM haiku
Perhaps we should all get lives...
On second thought... Naaaah.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

133.
Why is it we find
A block made of pork pieces
To be so funny?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

167.
I love the SPAM page.
I must contribute to it
With virtues of SPAM.

--Dr. Mellow (Greg Cohoon), drmellow@catt.ncsu.edu

237.
Sweat beads on temples
As straining against my bonds
I yearn for the SPAM.

--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu

260.
SHAM, you bastard, you've
wrecked my life. Now my time's spent
writing SPAM haiku.

--Bill T. Cat

274.
His carnal desire,
insatiable lust for SPAM
led to destruction.

--Jackie Groce, grocej@cmc.cz

286.
Desire overwhelms.
"SPAM, I must have more of it!"
Freud would be enthralled.

--Andrew Smialek, asmialek@SEVA.net

374.
Read ten SPAM haiku
SPAM is fun to ridicule
Submitted ten more

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

396.
Addiction profound
Work shunned, and friends forgotten
for the SPAM archive

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

417.
In the morning, yes
In the evening, oh yes, yes
Late night snack, oh SPAM

--Dave Goodrum

432.
Forty year-old man,
Pathetic, hunched at the screen.
Writing SPAM haiku.

--Anonymous

444.
Was beseeched by friend
To discontinue haiku
Based solely on SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

482.
Jitters, sleepless nights.
Wracking brains to no purpose.
A SPAM obsession.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

483.
Hundreds of haiku
On SPAM! What a waste of time!
Get a life, people!

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

484.
Boss thinks I'm working,
unaware of my secret
on-line obsession.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

488.
SPAM, it tastes like shit
The thought of it makes me sick
But I can't resist

--Spiffybone

500.
It's hard to believe,
So much creativity.
It's only canned meat!

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

502.
I have never had
This much fun before, typing
Of that which I hate.

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

528.
I really should work
Yet I must write SPAM haiku
Twisted compulsion

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

552.
I can't stop laughing.
SPAM has become a can of
worms. Please help yourself.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

585.
SPAM-induced madness
Haiku on top of haiku
Where will it all end?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

607.
Late Thursday, August
Don't feel like working, only
Dream lazy SPAM thoughts

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

639.
oblivion waits
fearing my longing for SPAM
I try to forget

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

790.
Can't control my SPAM
haiku addiction. Is there
a 12-step program?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

847.
SPAM on a Sunday
Breakfast, brunch, and dinner, too
Then, a SPAM dessert

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

908.
How much time can I
waste writing haiku about
SPAM? Read and find out.

--Daniel Stuber

909.
When people stop smok-
ing they get cig fits. Does the
same thing work for SPAM?

--Daniel Stuber

924.
I write SPAM haiku.
Day and night, nothing but SPAM...
I need to get laid.

--Jonathan Black

935.
Betty Ford Center
opens SPAM haiku wing. There's
still some hope for me.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

945.
Here I sit all bro-
ken hearted. Write SPAM haiku...
I'm a complete schmuck.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

952.
I like SPAM so much
You should see my collection
Thousands of SPAM cans

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

954.
I worked for a year
Declined offers of payment
Only wanted SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

974.
SPAM haiku flows forth
Not unlike the effect of
Overindulgence

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

991.
As I sit here now
And try to write SPAM haiku
My mind draws a blank

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1010.
The tortured man sits
Trying to write SPAM haiku
His brain is empty

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1028.
Old man lies dying
Life flashing before his eyes
"Hmm, not enough SPAM"

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1057.
Spewing chunks from gut
I ate nineteen cans of SPAM
Why did I do that?

--Anonymous

1076.
Surgeon general
reveals world's most addictive
substance: SPAM haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1077.
Haiku addiction
warning sign: incessantly
counting syllables.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1078.
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1117.
Bad SPAM addiction
Lost job at mini-market
Neglected wife, friends

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1175.
I'd write SPAM haiku
all day, but I must go back
to my padded cell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1187.
"I gotta have it!"
"This pink stuff controls my life!"
SPAM Anonymous.

--Scott Zacher, scottz@nwu.edu

1250.
All this SPAM haiku
If we keep writing so much
We'll run out of words

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1256.
Once you've tasted SPAM
Your life is changed forever
Pity the addict

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1258.
Lunch, breakfast, dinner
All I ever eat is SPAM
I'm wasting away...

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1267.
A delicate bite
Leads to ravenous eating
SPAM bulimia

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1396.
Endless SPAM haiku.
SHAM considers the future.
Terabyte disk drive.

--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

1455.
My friend is kosher;
She doesn't understand my
Passionate love, tears.

--lsheahen

1456.
Offices grow still:
A million hands type haiku.
A good day at work.

--lsheahen

1457.
Do not be ashamed
To write SPAM haiku all day!
Praise what's immortal.

--lsheahen

1860.
Haiku enthrall me.
Cans of SPAM by my keyboard.
I have gone insane.

--Mike McGaff

1893.
SPAM haiku addict
It tastes gross, but still I write
Need a new hobby

--Anonymous

1911.
last hours of the year
wasting time racking brain just
for a SPAM haiku

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1999.
Brain-pan full with SPAM.
CT scan shows haiku surge.
Padded cell prescribed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2262.
SPAM, SPAM on his brain
Eats that stuff three squares a day
His brain is pink mush

--Mark Hilchey, hj@rosenet.net

2270.
Insane about SPAM!
What is it that causes this
Spamdemonium?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2272.
Help me! Help me, please!
I can't seem to stop writing
All these SPAM haiku.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2355.
Crack and PCP
can't match the addictiveness
of the SPAM haiku.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2362.
Doctor, Doctor, give
me the news, I got a bad
case of SPAM haikus!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2460.
What is my problem?
Writing too much SPAM haiku!
Someone please stop me!

--Mike Miller, mbmiller@sirronald.wustl.edu

2547.
Does Mike O'Connor
Spend all his allotted SPAM
Composing haiku?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2618.
"Enough," sighed Chief SPAM.
"Your haiku get worse and worse.
Here, have a sausage."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2620.
Too many haiku.
Zounds! I have become a SPAM.
Metamorphosis.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2809.
"I'm Bob, and I write
SPAM haiku." "Hi, Bob!" It's an
SHA meeting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2850.
But I need a fix
Of spamku, and mighty quick.
E-mail me the lot!

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2861.
There's a new branch of
SPAMholics Anonymous
for SPAMku addicts.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2897.
Another meeting:
"I'm Dale, I'm a SPAMholic."
"Hi, Dale," they reply.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2943.
Help me I'm drowning.
I can't stop writing haikus.
It's you, Cho, j'accuse!

--herb hersh

2994.
Composed that one in
the dreamy depths of REM sleep.
I know I need help.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3103.
Why do we do it?
Is there something wrong with us
neurochemic'lly?

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3317.
I've come to a point
Where I must ask myself this:
"Does SPAM rule my life?"

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3519.
SPAM makes you break out
It goes well with pineapples
And is addicting

--Matt Frederickson

3553.
Health food store owner
sneaks out for a bite of SPAM.
He never looks back.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3556.
3 AM awake,
Fingers fumble with the key.
Canned meat addiction.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3559.
A man sits depressed.
A lone tear rolls down his face.
The key has broken.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3663.
I don't believe it--
Even after good night's sleep
Thoughts of SPAM return.

--Anonymous

3820.
I should be outside
Enjoying the sun. Instead,
I write SPAM haiku.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3982.
Rather addictive,
Composing the SPAM haiku,
But not eating it.

--Sally-Anne Carver, scarver@wcnet.org

4001.
What's going on here?
Is the SHAM on vacation?
Ack! Haiku withdrawal!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4069.
Counting syllables
incessantly? So am I.
Welcome to the club.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4601.
I've gone months without
reading and writing Spamku.
Proved that I could quit

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4602.
After months away
from Spamku, I've returned--but
I could quit again.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4603.
All those meetings of
SPAMholics Anonymous
helped me find my way.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4604.
I've learned so much from
months of SPAM sobriety--
feel good about self

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4605.
Should call my "sponsor,"
I guess, since I've been tempted.
But what does HE know?

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4746.
I like to eat SPAM
I eat it everyday
I have gone insane

--tim laffey

4779
I eat SPAM for lunch
I always eat SPAM at night
My aching colon

--Andrew Seamans

4822.
I had the SPAM shakes,
Cut my tongue licking the can.
SPAM blood or my blood?

--Monique Johnson

4941.
I suffer alone.
There are no support groups for
SPAMku addiction.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4967.
I submit daily
A spamku to the archive.
I really need work.

--Wyald

4974.
I am in despair
Sitting at my computer
Typing more spamku.

--Wyald

5051.
Sat in front of my
computer, thoughts are of SPAM.
It is hard to work.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5052.
I should be working,
I write computer programs.
I think of Spamku.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5053.
I can give it up!
I am not addicted to
Spamku...SPAM neither!

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5054.
Quick, I need a fix!
A cube of pink porcine fat
stored in a blue can.

--Andy Connor, ensamc@bath.ac.uk

5147.
Must stop the craving--
12-step SPAM'holics anon.
One can at a time.

--Anonymous

5204.
"It's over" she wept,
Turned to go, I cursed myself
For SPAM obsession

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5211.
Creative impulse
It drives me ever onwards
Limitless haiku

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5293.
I'll just sit here now
Burn some neurons in my brain
Invent more Spamku.

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5358.
How can there be more?
And yet I drag one more SPAM
Haiku from my brain

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5371.
My psychiatrist
Cured my pathological
Appetite for SPAM

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5410.
Oh great, no more SPAM
I check my cupboard again
Must feed addiction

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5425.
Must abstain from SPAM
I started having blackouts
Wake with empty can

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5429.
Again that dull ache
Oh, when will I ever learn?
Keep away from SPAM

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5446.
Without noticing
I find myself eating SPAM
Tomorrow I quit

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5453.
Man lies on soft couch
"I can't stop writing Spamku"
Psychiatrist laughs

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5466.
Pangs of SPAM hunger
Suddenly assail my mind
Have to eat SPAM NOW.

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5506.
The SPAM obsessive:
Ashen faced, he hoards his SPAM
Far from prying eyes

--Tom Elliott tosh@werple.net.au

5651.
Brain waves go berserk
4 AM and wide awake
SPAMKU addiction

--Eye

5973.
While reading SPAMku
See author needs life, someone
Help Tom Elliot!

--wlh, wilbert@bright.net

6034.
My eyes grow tired, still
the SPAM muse beckons, vowing
glory in pork prose.

--Sarah Miller Arnold, smarnold@ultranet.com

6065.
Surfed the Internet
Found SPAM haiku page by chance
A new obsession

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6348.
Mary Holt's SPAM muse
Never rests, always singing,
"Got SPAM on the brain!"

--Anonymous

6351.
Back SPAMmin' again!
Went cold turkey for a year.
Addicted for life!

--Anonymous

6352.
Liggett confesses,
"Nicotine is addictive."
It's your turn, Hormel!

--Anonymous

6404.
I can't believe it
Spamku is more addicting
Than Mountain Dew is

--Anonymous

6405.
Did I just submit
Three Spamku? My job is so
Boring. I can't stop.

--Anonymous

6478.
SPAM haiku addict
Sought out psychiatric help
Feels good about it

--Eliezer Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com

6565.
it's like licking shoes
this horrible spam habit
we don't think clearly

--chad, chdg@gte.net

6616.
Are you attracted,
To the happy dark blue can,
Just say no, to SPAM!

--Roberto, swacho@onr.com

6828.
SHAM, while you were gone,
It was bad, man, really bad.
Spamku withdrawal.

--maryholt@flash.net

6871.
Low sodium SPAM
Now I can eat twice as much
It's never too much

--Jeannie

6872.
Running through my veins
You are slowly killing me
But I just can't stop

--Jeannie

6896.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
I love to eat SPAM SPAM SPAM.
The taste is super.

--Confessions of a Spam addict

6916.
Writing SPAMku is
Addictive--as opposed to
Eating the darn stuff.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6982.
Once I had a life;
Now I write SPAMku non-stop--
Thanks to you, John Cho!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7180.
...SPAMku fill my mind
All day. If there's a cure for
This--let me have it!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7181.
I wrote only nine
SPAMku today--the tablets
Must be working now...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7253.
A cure for SPAMku?
Searching the Web for sweepstakes
kills the urge for SPAM!

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7255.
Once again it's late
and I sit writing of SPAM.
Where has my mind gone?!?

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7314.
UNCONTROLLABLE
SPAM URGES, I MUST HAVE MORE
A SUCKER FOR LIFE

--ISF

7517.
Ten SPAMku today!
Doctors say my last hope is
A lobotomy...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7543.
So I wrote thirteen
SPAMku today; I could stop
If I wanted to...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7645.
New wing in re-hab
For permanent brain damage
Addicted to SPAM

--Wild T.

7701.
THIS IS CLEARLY DUMB.
LAST NIGHT I SLEPT NOT A WINK,
THINKING OF SPAMKU.

--Richard Topping, richard@moduscom.demon.co.uk

7702.
YOU ARE A SHAM, SHAM
BY CREATING OBSESSIONS
WITH THIS SPAMKU SITE.

--Richard Topping, richard@moduscom.demon.co.uk

7704.
SPAM is seductive...
Do not fall to its evil...
'Twill possess your mind...

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

7896.
My SPAM addiction:
Only SPAMKU comes to mind.
I should be working!

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7950.
My twelve step program
I am a SPAM-a-holic
Feed my obsession

--Wild T.

7963.
Said it was harmless
Now I'm hooked on freebase SPAM
Hormel you bastard

--Captain Geeko

8020.
Told another friend
of SPAM and haiku, now I
cannot stop my urge.

--Robert W Reed

8071.
Gave up cigarettes
No more drinking, and drug-free
Hidden stash of SPAM

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

8332.
Tell you what I want
What I really really want
Quit writing SPAMku

--Anonymous


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.