SPAM Haiku: Puns

SHAM-7.
Hormel buys Seuss' rights.
Revised children's book hits stores:
"Eat Green Eggs and SPAM."

SHAM-17.
Do SPAMs reproduce?
Not unless you wash off the
Spamicidal gel.

SHAM-18.
SPAM is big in Greece.
With filo dough, feta, for
Spamakopita.

SHAM-19.
Italy loves SPAM.
They make a drink with it called
"Asti Spamati."

SHAM-26.
Spock takes a small piece.
It's elastic, rubbery.
It is vulcanized.

SHAM-45.
Gregor Spamsa woke.
In horror he sees that he's
Now a pink pork cube.

SHAM-50.
Pat Benatar fell.
The stage was too slippery
From her spamdex suit.

SHAM-65.
Jack wants to father.
But why eat so much SPAM, Jack?
"My spam count is low."

SHAM-87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.

SHAM-91.
Vegan terrorists
Storm headquarters of Hormel.
A hogstage crisis.

SHAM-92.
Use a slice to clean
(and grease, too!) your mixing bowl.
It's a spamtula.

SHAM-114.
CNN: Canned News
Network. Spamming the globe with
Processed, packaged news.

SHAM-125.
Beatlemania
Hits Hormel. Factory kids
Sing "Polythene SPAM."

SHAM-126.
Trivia question:
Who played Mindy in Pork and
Mindy
? Spam Dawber.

SHAM-129.
Vienna Sausage
Was a product of the times--
SPAM de siècle.

SHAM-158.
Essence of SPAM is
Captured in brand new fragrance
Called Eau de Colon.

SHAM-192.
Sam and Pam get laid.
Oops--no spamicidal gel.
Guess the baby's name.

SHAM-195.
Take a scoop of SPAM,
Liquify with tomatoes.
It's Spamato juice.

SHAM-201.
What do Oscar Wilde
And SPAM loaves have in common?
Homo genius.

47.
American life
Sports and food are one with us
I hit a grand SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

63.
Exciting foodstuff
It draws the lightning to it
A flash in the SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

104.
Tragedy strikes home.
Innocent children play, then--
a drive-by Spamming.

--GoshMizer, GoshMizer@aol.com

149.
I found on the net
SPAM Transfer Protocol site
Download SPAM all day

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

264.
If SPAM went to Cannes,
Would the glamorous Cannes hams
Be jealous of SPAM?

--Marian Zeletz, marianz@netropolis.net

265.
If SPAM went to Cannes,
Would the glamorous Cannes ham
Be gel-less than SPAM?

--Marian Zeletz, marianz@netropolis.net

267.
SPAM, SPAM on the range
Where beer and cantaloupe play
Listen to their calls

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

269.
"Man Chokes on SPAM Chunk"
Bit off more than he could chew.
It's a pink mourning.

--Jackie Groce, grocej@cmc.cz

309.
Apollo 13.
Kevin Bacon: his best role?
SPAM-In-A-Can, man!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

317.
Strip down the carcass
Vacuum clean those bloody tracts
Very spick-and-spam

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

322.
SPAM pass me the SPAM
Wow that's tongue from your big pork
Annoink my breasts Lord

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

324.
Wham bam "Grand Slam" SPAM
mashed, meshed, netted, and returned
Advantage, rich farm.

--Richard Cutting, cutting@cmc.cz

393.
Pigaro's Wedding:
by Mozart, otherwise known
as Spamadeus.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

394.
Greek pastry delight:
Spamakopita! Yum, Yum!
I eat with gusto.

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

395.
I SPAM what I SPAM
I'm Popeye the Sailor SPAM
Ock-gek-gek-gek-gek

--Liam Friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

456.
Spamatazoan
swimming freely, abandon,
spies egg, breaks through, pink.

--gconroy@siue.edu

479.
Angry mob prowling.
Torches, pitchforks, and loud shouts.
They hunt FrankenSPAM.

--Dan Twiggs, SHAKA@UH.EDU

514.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

524.
Oldest known SPAM found
In the Valley of the Kings:
Ramses' SPAMulet.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

532.
From Shakespeare's Spamlet:
The jester ate a whole can,
Alas poor Yorrick.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

540.
Learned of the SPAM god
From mythology teachings
Of Joseph SPAMbell

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

597.
SPAM for lunch again
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Spamdemonium

--Paul D Shepard @ TWI (Used to be Atari Games)

636.
Spaniard studies can:
How the viscous mass wobbles.
Spamología.

--Kathleen Bennett, keb@u.washington.edu

675.
"Of all the gin joints
She walks into mine," says Rick.
"Play it again, SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

677.
Tara: Scarlett starves.
Rhett is cruel: "Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

792.
Lots of SPAM eaten
and much more to come, she sighs.
Out of spamina.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

794.
SPAM in the morning,
SPAM-lunch, SPAM-dinner. Result?
Foreshortened lifespam.

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

797.
They had no oinkling
Those Spamish cornqweestadoors
Just how trough war is...

--Anne Landry, anne_landry@scp.com

875.
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It doesn't confess.

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

879.
Wednesday, ten A.M.
Cloudy in Los Angeles.
Joe: "Just the facts, SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

890.
A cream, pink, and brown
meat in the ice cream section.
NeopoliSPAM.

--Anonymous

907.
The Pope decided
to let Catholics eat SPAM
Fridays. Mass riots.

--Daniel Stuber

918.
Small, pink, made of spooo,
Fat, mean, processed meat gunman.
Yosemite SPAM.

--Jonathan Black

920.
Brown and pink striped bird.
Breakfast icon. Cereal
hero. Toucan SPAM.

--Jonathan Black

927.
Tax breaks for Hormel?
That's the ultimate in pork
barrel politics.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1020.
Baywatch episode
In Minnesota with Spam-
ela Anderson.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1021.
Yes, Little Richard
Ate it. "A bop bop a do
Wop a bop SPAM boom."

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1023.
Remember Meathead?
Chauvinist pig Archie? All
in the Spamily
.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1026.
Interest rate hike due
To tinned meat scare, says Fed chair-
man Alan Greenspam.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1068.
VIPs visit
the Hormel plant and get the
pink carpet treatment.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1145.
Who am I? Where am
I? What is that putrid af-
tertaste?...SPAMnesia.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1161.
Was "SPAM Mapplethorpe"
A Cat Stevens song? No, "SPAM-
Apple Gas." Sorry.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1163.
Spilled tinned meat on lap;
Zipper rusted shut. A bad
Case of SPAMish Fly.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1219.
Pork bellies are down,
Gelatin futures look bleak.
Heard it on C-SPAM.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

1234.
Car is broken down.
I reach for the SPAM-er wrench.
Car is still broken.

--Walter Myers, wvmyers@planacc.com

1312.
Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbeque.
The million-SPAM march.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1317.
Gloomy autumn day
SPAM slips from plate, onto floor
Melancholy fall

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

1398.
Jonathan uses
Hyphens to make haiku work.
SPAM uses colons.

--Anonymous

1409.
Frightened and lonely,
A tin high upon a ledge
Ponders SPAMicide.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1410.
Mork studies pig cube,
Sends report back to Orson.
SPAM Dawber puzzled.

--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

1446.
Hormel runs out of
pig snouts, tries KFC's wastes.
Result? SPICKEN-SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu
(with thanks to Tom Elliot)

1476.
If Stalin had SPAM
The Spamnik would orbit Earth
We'd need SPAM D. I.

--Anonymous

1480.
Hair product, cologne,
Dinner conversation piece:
The new Spamish fly.

--Anonymous

1576.
As in all nature,
Through the long tunnel of grease,
The SPAM seek the egg.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1580.
In SPAMerica,
That great melting pot of meats,
Hormel makes our SPAM.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1581.
Beneath the city
Madness screams for a cask of
SPAMontillado!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1583.
on Texas prairie
an ancient creature survives
a SPAMadillo!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1597.
Piggy Rush Limbaugh
Watch that porker every night
Tune in to C-SPAM

--Douglas Staples, AnnikaDZ@aol.com

1626.
Across the prairie,
The animals move in one
Great SPAMigration.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1721.
The party ended
When the host unveiled dessert;
Fresh, pink SPAMoni.

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1753.
SPAM has lost its charm
Since you left with the milk man.
Till we "meat" again!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1804.
The Love Boat provides
Culinary delights on
The SPAMinade deck.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1812.
measuring in amps
many Pams make current maps
these are SPAMagrams

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1813.
It's missing the tab!
Hand me the bloody SPAMmer,
I'll open that can!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1829.
Haikued spouse complains
Chaos at the kitchen sink.
Spammer in the works!

--Jean, wife of mickman

1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1876.
Captain Hormel says,
"Porkers of the world unite."
Spamdemonium!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1902.
Grandma Hormel hissed
To Little Pink Riding Hog,
"Trot off and get canned."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1925.
Piglets start smoking.
SPAMtaneous combustion.
Captain Hormel blamed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1938.
Spamsters hold Hormel.
Huge ransom. "Keep him, suckers!"
Police Pigs have ball.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1953.
A Spamidermist
Stuffs discard skins with SPAM scraps.
Okay, but wobbly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1982.
SPAM SHAM found guilty
Judge Hormel shows no mercy
Ten years in the "Can"

--Rory, son of mickman

1983.
SPAM SHAM escapes "Can"
"Pink Peril" threatens planet
Epidemic spreads!

--Rory, son of mickman

2011.
At the abattoir
Party, some pigs, crazed with gel,
Made spamicide dives.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2031.
Wooden boy made meat--
Should have wished to be made real.
It's SPAMmocchio!

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2034.
Rubbery pink teat,
Filled with lard and gelatin--
It's a SPAMmary.

--mholt@wst.com or marymholt@aol.com

2052.
Khruschev dumped old tins,
began space race by launching
SPAMnik satelites.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2058.
Feed SPAM to Congress
To line their stomachs for more
Pork barrel spending

--Massie Ritsch, meritsch@princeton.edu

2068.
Shall I compare thee?
"Quite frankly, my dear," she cried
"I don't give a SPAM!"

--Jo, daughter of mickman

2095.
I often wonder
Would SPAMela Anderson
Be as popular?

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2105.
Abominable
Sow girl meets Dracuspam. Has
Hots. Love at first fright!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2188.
A dog's voice commands:
"Kill them! Clog their arteries!"
Call him "Son of SPAM."

--Grant Hicks, ghicks@us.oracle.com

2264.
What was that pink stuff?
Tell me again; I have a
Short attention spam.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2265.
Dessert of the day:
Italian spamoni
With pistachios.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2267.
A thick slice of SPAM
Inside a six-inch bun is
A sub-spamtial meal.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2268.
The only way to
Spam the generation gap
Is with spicy pork.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2270.
Insane about SPAM!
What is it that causes this
Spamdemonium?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2271.
Hickory smoked SPAM.
Hickory's been comatose
Since that fateful day.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2276.
If you hear a guy
say, "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM,"
beat him up for me!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2304.
SPAM jam on biscuit
SPAM jelly on blackened toast
SPAM preserves my soul

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2312.
On my Spamboni,
At Maple Leaf Gardens, I'll
Resurface the spice.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2331.
"Seek Spamtuary
In the blue tin; it's safe there,"
Captain Hormel says.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2343.
American pork
spread 'cross the continent: SPAM-
ifest Destiny.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2344.
Lunchmeat passed from one
generation to the next:
SPAMily heirloom.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2367.
I made up a joke:
How do you make a SPAM loaf?
Put it on welfare!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2368.
How do you make a
Hormel? Give hooker sex change;
change her name to "Mel."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2439.
Is putting SPAM on
The engendered feces list
Scatological?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2479.
For bettor or verse
SPAM marries both gambler and
poet forever.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2588.
Grown in the French hills
Fine Spamernet sauvignon
You can taste the feet

--Anonymous

2589.
SPAM in a bottle
With nose (or snout) of old pig:
Gewurtzspaminer.

--Anonymous

2652.
Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles

--Paula S. Jordan, jordanp@worldweb.net

2817.
Worldwide pollution
"Human Spam Counts Decreasing!"
The silver lining

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2905.
Make haiku on SPAM?
What pretention! Forget it.
Leave it to the prose.

--herb hersh

2906.
Why not fling the SPAM
to the top of Mt. Fuji?
Let it rest in piece.

--herb hersh

2917.
If mixed with ice cream
and some cubes of baloney,
you have SPAMoni.

--herb hersh

2919.
The politicians
in Japan all relish SPAM.
It's on their Diet.

--herb hersh

2929.
Cook Lo prepares SPAM.
We have it much too often.
I am spic of SPAM.

--herb hersh

2930.
Pierre praises SPAM
served on bread with Grey Poupon.
A plate of French boast.

--herb hersh

2931.
Bread and Zinfandel
and juicy slivers of SPAM,
to stay in the pink.

--herb hersh

2932.
SPAM is always served
at Ukranian dinners.
It's on the pogrom.

--herb hersh

2935.
Here in Chicago
gangs use their stashes of SPAM
when they're on the Lam.

--herb hersh

2937.
In my red Honda
I traverse the Brooklyn Bridge.
It is a short SPAM.

--herb hersh

2938.
The aquarium
has species many to see.
I like the SPAM whale.

--herb hersh

2939.
See Michael Jordan
put globe into a circle.
It's just a SPAM-dunk.

--herb hersh

2944.
A terrible time,
the SPAMish inquisition.
Not unlike today.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2966.
Preaching the evils
of man's taunts against nature:
it's Elmer SPAMtry.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2968.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

3116.
McDonalds is a
Cowschwitz; Hormel's factory
must be Porcinewald.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3135.
If you eat too much
SPAM, then your appendix bursts.
Porkitonitis.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3159.
high-vaulted chamber
cath'lic carnivores intone
"laudate SPAMum"

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3162.
some folks may frolic
others cavort and gambol--
but i SPAMelope

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3225.
But to have kids, Sire,
your SPAM count should be higher.
I am not kidding.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3226.
Fossilized beetle.
DNA immobilized.
Trapped in clear SPAMber.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3228.
A trembling river.
Quivering lights of Hong Kong.
Me in my SPAMpan.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3229.
I pig out a lot.
When I go to Camelot,
I eat SPAMelot.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3236.
In small town of Burls,
who but George scares little girls?
That nasty young SPAMp!

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3240.
I have not the time
to explain this spam of time.
Please notice quick rhyme.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3242.
Fido loves his SPAM.
His pals have never had it.
He has one leg up.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3243.
His pals don't like it.
Fido is faithful to SPAM.
TEMPER FIDELIS!

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3251.
For the latest news
and meaty bits of gossip
please turn on C-SPAM.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3252.
The hors d'ouevres were great
And the party was a gas
(due of course to SPAM).

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3256.
Here is agenda.
"SPAM" is now on the table.
Convene the 'eeting.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3261.
I don't see comet.
So, this dark and starless night,
I use my SPAM Lite.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3266.
Insight into SPAM,
to be quite re-alistic,
would be a hindsight.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3276.
That ain't mud in that Minnesota Mississip', Nor Lead in Belly.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3318.
In the old castle:
"King, the SPAM is revolting!"
"No suprise there, squire."

--EL SUPREMO NUMBER ONE GUY, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

3400.
Hitler's Luftwaffe
drops pink death on Guernica.
SPAMish Civil War.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3406.
Fed meat product to
Japanese warriors; got
Deadly SPAMurai.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3436.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "SPAM."
"SPAM who?" I then reply. "SPAM
enchanted evening."

--Anonymous

3454.
Poor man's boneless ham
Pig-part pudding of paupers
Doctors call you "rich"

--John Mitchell

3471.
In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you.
How now, thou ground sow?

--John Mitchell

3526.
Pork-part ingestion
must lead to inSPAMity.
Make the SPAMness stop.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3571.
I am going nuts!
Oh, stop the imSPAMity!
I vomit once more.

--Friend of Parnell

3585.
Haiku Analyst,
John Cho. SPAM Psychiatrist.
You are my Pink Freud.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3610.
After regular
SPAM, SPAM Lite is totally
antiSPAMactic.

--Kevin Kepley (the mathineer)

3629.
Greasy spoon diner.
SPAMitation inspector
judges it three oinks.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3635.
Compressed under tin,
Suspense at its hearts contents;
Marvelous half-life.

--Sam Miller, samyd@whidbey.net

3675.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
Puréed succulent swine chunks
HEY! I love ewe man

--Arch Angel

3781.
SPAM haiku archive
I cannot cut you and yet
I haiku to bits

--Duncan Halley

3836.
Three SPAM triangles
An edible bikini
"Babe" on a babe. Yum!

--jam@altagroup.com

3837.
Freed from your steel tomb
Poor pig! This ham-handed cook
Has cremated you!

--jam@altagroup.com

3857.
The Cannery cans.
Can opener opens can.
The Eater cannot.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3880.
Massage with fingers
If you should feel any lumps
Have a SPAMogram

--Casey, casey@anv.net

3881.
Creamy pink jelly,
spread on bread by female hand.
SPAM jam, thank you, ma'am.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3925.
Man wearing white shirt
Drops meat, causing greasy stain;
Cries, "Out, out, SPAM dot!"

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3945.
A day in L.A.:
Hollywood producers say
"Let's do luncheon meat."

--giles metcalfe

3965.
SPAM accused of rape!
Forensic evidence found:
SPAMatozoa

--Casey Gilbertson, casey@anv.net

3966.
Heard Wolly Bully?
OK, then who sings the song?
It's Sam and the SPAMs

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

3967.
The courts prosecute
Man alters SPAM recipe
Verdict: SPAMotage

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

3970.
Eat a can of SPAM
Swallow down the entire loaf
Then I'll pinch a loaf

--Anonymous

4000.
It's SPAM for dinner?
Quick! Anoint tongue and throat with
SPAMicidal gel.

--Dan, gillisd@direct.ca

4224.
Welcome to Spam Trek
Information enterprise
Is Data greater?

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4227.
A can from the stars?
How do we communicate?
ET or eaty?

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4228.
You burst from your can
No longer pink, now scaly
Spamosaurus rex

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4258.
When your house is clean,
Why don't other people say,
"It looks spic and spam?"

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4272.
After a late snack,
My stomach cramped painfully--
Yes, a SPAM SPASM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4290.
Beatles: Have you seen
Polythene SPAM? Well, that's the
Only kind there is.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4374.
"What rough beast slouches
Towards BethleSPAM to be born?"
Porktentous question!

--Bob McPhee

4450.
Got me a new car
Runnin' three hundred horses
Dual overhead SPAM

--scott stanford, sstanford@mca.com

4451.
Football starts this month
SPAM Franciso will go down
To Dallas again

--scott stanford, sstanford@mca.com

4452.
Devilfish: harmless.
Terror of the deepest sea.
Seven foot wing-SPAM.

--scott stanford, sstanford@mca.com

4474.
Short pink wobbly meat
Salty in the seaside sun
Baywatch Spamela

--Anonymous

4569.
Effete paté freaks,
The Spamish Inquisition
Will make you think pink!

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4571.
HOGMA TO LIVE BY:
"Let us now praise heinous SPAM."
(Rudyard Chittering.)

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4580.
The accordion
Ought to be banned, except when
Played by Art van Spamme.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4581.
Come on and hear! It's
Alexander's Ragtime Spam
Playing low-down pinks.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4582.
Many porcine gods
Were worshipped by the Romans
In the Spamtheon.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4583.
Up there in the sky!
Faster than a speeding snail!
Look! It's Superspam!

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4584.
SPAM and sauerkraut
Sausage is, without a doubt,
The absolute wurst!

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4622.
The end of a pig:
Butthole preserved in blue can.
The end of a pig.

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

4654.
Is saying "I'm pink
Therefore I'm SPAM" putting the
Hog before Descartes?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4711.
Mobil sues Hormel
over the latter's ripped-off
"Pigasus" logo.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4799.
Coed asks of SPAM,
"Why does it taste so salty?"
Wait, it wasn't SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4849.
Cathouse dialogue:
"What's the name of that whore, Mel?"
Melvin's reply: "'S Pam."

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4854.
When I serve guests SPAM,
They flip out. Is there such thing
As mad sow disease?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4890.
The jelly in can,
You may think it is funny,
but it's really snot!

--Wyald and Maniac

4982.
Lazy workers at
the Hormel plant are flogged with
the cat o' swine tails.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4992.
Which of these many
fine SPAMku authors will bag
the Piglitzer prize?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5494.
Walking through jungle
Sink up to waist in pink goo
I've stepped in quickspam!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5798.
A killer of pigs.
"A heart attack on a plate."
SPAM is sui-cide.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5815.
Civilization
is falling--the President
in "SPAMk me" scandal

--Anonymous

5816.
Oops! Late in the night,
I lost count of syllables:
Short attention SPAM.

--Anonymous

5822.
A slimy mollusk
Lacking only a pink shell
Escargodawful

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

6127.
SPAM from East Asia
Hormel fights for right to name
Of "Rhesus Pieces"

--wilbert

6135.
the dynamics of
our cultures, our pseudomeats,
our dreams: Spam und drang

--space yr pidgin

6165.
Tasty new SPAM dish:
Pour clear stuff on spaghetti:
Yum! Vermijelly!

--Bill Hand, quad@coastalnet.com

6287.
Their swords forbidden,
shamed samurai open cans
commit SPAMmuku.

--tsquared

6486.
Haiku in shower
Gone--not saved on computer
A geek tragedy

--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com

6500.
Shooting star of SPAM
Tail like a greasy white plume
Gastronomical

--Peter Fotopoulos, fotopoulos@hotmail.com

6672.
Hormel's sports legends
Must include SPAM Shriver and
SPAM ``Bam'' Cunningham.

--Peter Berman

6673.
The food fight lasted
'Til recess's end: SPAM flies
When you're having fun.

--Peter Berman

6759.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Lazy lions licking SPAM
No longer have pride

--MSB

6802.
Made a SPAM sculpture
of a dog I called Spammy.
Porkshire terrier.

--James Bickford, style@javanet.com

6890.
Zen monks stack SPAM cans
Exercise in mindlessness
Arterial world

--Sarah Miller Arnold, smarnold@ultranet.com

6903.
I've got a stretch pink
Cadillac, made from raw SPAM.
It's a pig to park...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6904.
Driving my SPAM-pink
Cadillac today, I got
a porking ticket...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6981.
Why is a can of
SPAM like marathon running?
They're both ex Austin!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6986.
The doctors all say
"Wearing tight underwear can
lower your SPAM count!"

--Jennifer Doerr, doerr_js@academ.wvwc.edu

7064.
Mann ist was Mann ißt!
(This pun isn't as funny
when you think of SPAM)

--james simply james

7081.
Some SPAMkuists don't
Mention the product. They must
have a low SPAM count.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7088.
I made a firearm
From a dozen SPAM cans--it's
A twelve boar shotgun!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7093.
Did you hear 'bout the
Tactless pig at the SPAM plant?
Put his foot in it...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7094.
If Hormel had a
Plant in Cuba, would it be
In the Bay of Pigs?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7096.
SPAM: vindication
Of the old saying, "You can't
Keep a good ham down."

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7171.
Is a gathering
Of SPAM vigilantes called
A pork lynchin' meet?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7176.
I put a wick in
The greasy can and lit it:
I call it SPAM light!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7206.
SPAM logo boxer
Shorts: one way to find flies on
A Hormel product.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7302.
SPAM SLICE BETWEEN BREAD
A CHEF'S CULINARY FEET
LIPS, SNOUT, AND TAIL, TOO

--ISF

7328.
If SPAM is Art then
never has Artsy-Fartsy
been any truer.

--Bob City

7362.
South Pacific: A
Musical featuring SPAM
Enchanted Ev'ning
.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7401.
Hormel Foods builds home
For Native American:
Wigwam, thank you, SPAM.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7402.
SPAM may tempt Native
Americans but they still
Have reservations.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7249.
When production was
Stepped up at Hormel the pigs
Were on their last legs...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7545.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell? Not as bad
As a plate of SPAM.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7547.
My wife's gone to the
West Indies. Jamaica? Sure
I did--she cooks SPAM!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7570.
These SPAM sex acts: could
They be described as merely
A poke in a pig?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme

7571.
Some SPAMku express
An ingenious thought. They're
More like ePIGrams.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme

7572.
I'd love to see the
Aurora Boarealis
(The Northern SPAM Lites).

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme

7587.
Inspiration in
A can: is this the taste that
Launched a thousand quips?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7740.
THE STAGE DIRECTOR
OF A PLAY FEATURING SPAM
CRIES "STOP HAMMING IT!"

--Richard Topping, richard@moduscom.demon.co.uk

7943.
If you eat SPAM off
A naked hooker, is she
Working for "Whore-mel"?

--Wild T.

8131.
Uranus becomes
A gas giant due to SPAM.
Asstronomical!

--Pyotr X.

8178.
Pigs, out of control
running from the fear of death.
Help! It's a spampede!

--Dave Manley

8179.
Sty Stallone movie
Fighting pigs in a jungle
The mighty Spambo!

--Dave Manley

8233.
SPAM infinity
I'm up to my ass in SPAM
Will it ever end?

--Jan van der Banck

8330.
my spam is in heat
yowling like an alley cat
wanting a good fork

--mgeraty@atgsystems.com


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.