SHAM-17.
Do SPAMs reproduce?
Not unless you wash off the
Spamicidal gel.
SHAM-18.
SPAM is big in Greece.
With filo dough, feta, for
Spamakopita.
SHAM-19.
Italy loves SPAM.
They make a drink with it called
"Asti Spamati."
SHAM-26.
Spock takes a small piece.
It's elastic, rubbery.
It is vulcanized.
SHAM-45.
Gregor Spamsa woke.
In horror he sees that he's
Now a pink pork cube.
SHAM-50.
Pat Benatar fell.
The stage was too slippery
From her spamdex suit.
SHAM-65.
Jack wants to father.
But why eat so much SPAM, Jack?
"My spam count is low."
SHAM-87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.
SHAM-91.
Vegan terrorists
Storm headquarters of Hormel.
A hogstage crisis.
SHAM-92.
Use a slice to clean
(and grease, too!) your mixing bowl.
It's a spamtula.
SHAM-114.
CNN: Canned News
Network. Spamming the globe with
Processed, packaged news.
SHAM-125.
Beatlemania
Hits Hormel. Factory kids
Sing "Polythene SPAM."
SHAM-126.
Trivia question:
Who played Mindy in Pork and
Mindy? Spam Dawber.
SHAM-129.
Vienna Sausage
Was a product of the times--
SPAM de siècle.
SHAM-158.
Essence of SPAM is
Captured in brand new fragrance
Called Eau de Colon.
SHAM-192.
Sam and Pam get laid.
Oops--no spamicidal gel.
Guess the baby's name.
SHAM-195.
Take a scoop of SPAM,
Liquify with tomatoes.
It's Spamato juice.
SHAM-201.
What do Oscar Wilde
And SPAM loaves have in common?
Homo genius.
47.
American life
Sports and food are one with us
I hit a grand SPAM
63.
Exciting foodstuff
It draws the lightning to it
A flash in the SPAM
104.
Tragedy strikes home.
Innocent children play, then--
a drive-by Spamming.
149.
I found on the net
SPAM Transfer Protocol site
Download SPAM all day
264.
If SPAM went to Cannes,
Would the glamorous Cannes hams
Be jealous of SPAM?
265.
If SPAM went to Cannes,
Would the glamorous Cannes ham
Be gel-less than SPAM?
267.
SPAM, SPAM on the range
Where beer and cantaloupe play
Listen to their calls
269.
"Man Chokes on SPAM Chunk"
Bit off more than he could chew.
It's a pink mourning.
309.
Apollo 13.
Kevin Bacon: his best role?
SPAM-In-A-Can, man!
317.
Strip down the carcass
Vacuum clean those bloody tracts
Very spick-and-spam
322.
SPAM pass me the SPAM
Wow that's tongue from your big pork
Annoink my breasts Lord
324.
Wham bam "Grand Slam" SPAM
mashed, meshed, netted, and returned
Advantage, rich farm.
393.
Pigaro's Wedding:
by Mozart, otherwise known
as Spamadeus.
394.
Greek pastry delight:
Spamakopita! Yum, Yum!
I eat with gusto.
395.
I SPAM what I SPAM
I'm Popeye the Sailor SPAM
Ock-gek-gek-gek-gek
456.
Spamatazoan
swimming freely, abandon,
spies egg, breaks through, pink.
479.
Angry mob prowling.
Torches, pitchforks, and loud shouts.
They hunt FrankenSPAM.
514.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy
524.
Oldest known SPAM found
In the Valley of the Kings:
Ramses' SPAMulet.
532.
From Shakespeare's Spamlet:
The jester ate a whole can,
Alas poor Yorrick.
540.
Learned of the SPAM god
From mythology teachings
Of Joseph SPAMbell
597.
SPAM for lunch again
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Spamdemonium
636.
Spaniard studies can:
How the viscous mass wobbles.
Spamología.
675.
"Of all the gin joints
She walks into mine," says Rick.
"Play it again, SPAM."
677.
Tara: Scarlett starves.
Rhett is cruel: "Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a SPAM."
792.
Lots of SPAM eaten
and much more to come, she sighs.
Out of spamina.
794.
SPAM in the morning,
SPAM-lunch, SPAM-dinner. Result?
Foreshortened lifespam.
796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)
797.
They had no oinkling
Those Spamish cornqweestadoors
Just how trough war is...
875.
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It doesn't confess.
879.
Wednesday, ten A.M.
Cloudy in Los Angeles.
Joe: "Just the facts, SPAM."
890.
A cream, pink, and brown
meat in the ice cream section.
NeopoliSPAM.
907.
The Pope decided
to let Catholics eat SPAM
Fridays. Mass riots.
918.
Small, pink, made of spooo,
Fat, mean, processed meat gunman.
Yosemite SPAM.
920.
Brown and pink striped bird.
Breakfast icon. Cereal
hero. Toucan SPAM.
927.
Tax breaks for Hormel?
That's the ultimate in pork
barrel politics.
1020.
Baywatch episode
In Minnesota with Spam-
ela Anderson.
1021.
Yes, Little Richard
Ate it. "A bop bop a do
Wop a bop SPAM boom."
1023.
Remember Meathead?
Chauvinist pig Archie? All
in the Spamily.
1026.
Interest rate hike due
To tinned meat scare, says Fed chair-
man Alan Greenspam.
1068.
VIPs visit
the Hormel plant and get the
pink carpet treatment.
1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."
1145.
Who am I? Where am
I? What is that putrid af-
tertaste?...SPAMnesia.
1161.
Was "SPAM Mapplethorpe"
A Cat Stevens song? No, "SPAM-
Apple Gas." Sorry.
1163.
Spilled tinned meat on lap;
Zipper rusted shut. A bad
Case of SPAMish Fly.
1219.
Pork bellies are down,
Gelatin futures look bleak.
Heard it on C-SPAM.
1234.
Car is broken down.
I reach for the SPAM-er wrench.
Car is still broken.
1312.
Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbeque.
The million-SPAM march.
1317.
Gloomy autumn day
SPAM slips from plate, onto floor
Melancholy fall
1398.
Jonathan uses
Hyphens to make haiku work.
SPAM uses colons.
1409.
Frightened and lonely,
A tin high upon a ledge
Ponders SPAMicide.
1410.
Mork studies pig cube,
Sends report back to Orson.
SPAM Dawber puzzled.
1446.
Hormel runs out of
pig snouts, tries KFC's wastes.
Result? SPICKEN-SPAM.
1476.
If Stalin had SPAM
The Spamnik would orbit Earth
We'd need SPAM D. I.
1480.
Hair product, cologne,
Dinner conversation piece:
The new Spamish fly.
1576.
As in all nature,
Through the long tunnel of grease,
The SPAM seek the egg.
1580.
In SPAMerica,
That great melting pot of meats,
Hormel makes our SPAM.
1581.
Beneath the city
Madness screams for a cask of
SPAMontillado!
1583.
on Texas prairie
an ancient creature survives
a SPAMadillo!
1597.
Piggy Rush Limbaugh
Watch that porker every night
Tune in to C-SPAM
1626.
Across the prairie,
The animals move in one
Great SPAMigration.
1721.
The party ended
When the host unveiled dessert;
Fresh, pink SPAMoni.
1753.
SPAM has lost its charm
Since you left with the milk man.
Till we "meat" again!
1804.
The Love Boat provides
Culinary delights on
The SPAMinade deck.
1812.
measuring in amps
many Pams make current maps
these are SPAMagrams
1813.
It's missing the tab!
Hand me the bloody SPAMmer,
I'll open that can!
1829.
Haikued spouse complains
Chaos at the kitchen sink.
Spammer in the works!
1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.
1876.
Captain Hormel says,
"Porkers of the world unite."
Spamdemonium!
1902.
Grandma Hormel hissed
To Little Pink Riding Hog,
"Trot off and get canned."
1925.
Piglets start smoking.
SPAMtaneous combustion.
Captain Hormel blamed.
1938.
Spamsters hold Hormel.
Huge ransom. "Keep him, suckers!"
Police Pigs have ball.
1953.
A Spamidermist
Stuffs discard skins with SPAM scraps.
Okay, but wobbly.
1982.
SPAM SHAM found guilty
Judge Hormel shows no mercy
Ten years in the "Can"
1983.
SPAM SHAM escapes "Can"
"Pink Peril" threatens planet
Epidemic spreads!
2011.
At the abattoir
Party, some pigs, crazed with gel,
Made spamicide dives.
2031.
Wooden boy made meat--
Should have wished to be made real.
It's SPAMmocchio!
2034.
Rubbery pink teat,
Filled with lard and gelatin--
It's a SPAMmary.
2052.
Khruschev dumped old tins,
began space race by launching
SPAMnik satelites.
2058.
Feed SPAM to Congress
To line their stomachs for more
Pork barrel spending
2068.
Shall I compare thee?
"Quite frankly, my dear," she cried
"I don't give a SPAM!"
2095.
I often wonder
Would SPAMela Anderson
Be as popular?
2105.
Abominable
Sow girl meets Dracuspam. Has
Hots. Love at first fright!
2188.
A dog's voice commands:
"Kill them! Clog their arteries!"
Call him "Son of SPAM."
2264.
What was that pink stuff?
Tell me again; I have a
Short attention spam.
2265.
Dessert of the day:
Italian spamoni
With pistachios.
2267.
A thick slice of SPAM
Inside a six-inch bun is
A sub-spamtial meal.
2268.
The only way to
Spam the generation gap
Is with spicy pork.
2270.
Insane about SPAM!
What is it that causes this
Spamdemonium?
2271.
Hickory smoked SPAM.
Hickory's been comatose
Since that fateful day.
2276.
If you hear a guy
say, "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM,"
beat him up for me!
2304.
SPAM jam on biscuit
SPAM jelly on blackened toast
SPAM preserves my soul
2312.
On my Spamboni,
At Maple Leaf Gardens, I'll
Resurface the spice.
2331.
"Seek Spamtuary
In the blue tin; it's safe there,"
Captain Hormel says.
2343.
American pork
spread 'cross the continent: SPAM-
ifest Destiny.
2344.
Lunchmeat passed from one
generation to the next:
SPAMily heirloom.
2367.
I made up a joke:
How do you make a SPAM loaf?
Put it on welfare!
2368.
How do you make a
Hormel? Give hooker sex change;
change her name to "Mel."
2439.
Is putting SPAM on
The engendered feces list
Scatological?
2479.
For bettor or verse
SPAM marries both gambler and
poet forever.
2588.
Grown in the French hills
Fine Spamernet sauvignon
You can taste the feet
2589.
SPAM in a bottle
With nose (or snout) of old pig:
Gewurtzspaminer.
2652.
Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles
2817.
Worldwide pollution
"Human Spam Counts Decreasing!"
The silver lining
2905.
Make haiku on SPAM?
What pretention! Forget it.
Leave it to the prose.
2906.
Why not fling the SPAM
to the top of Mt. Fuji?
Let it rest in piece.
2917.
If mixed with ice cream
and some cubes of baloney,
you have SPAMoni.
2919.
The politicians
in Japan all relish SPAM.
It's on their Diet.
2929.
Cook Lo prepares SPAM.
We have it much too often.
I am spic of SPAM.
2930.
Pierre praises SPAM
served on bread with Grey Poupon.
A plate of French boast.
2931.
Bread and Zinfandel
and juicy slivers of SPAM,
to stay in the pink.
2932.
SPAM is always served
at Ukranian dinners.
It's on the pogrom.
2935.
Here in Chicago
gangs use their stashes of SPAM
when they're on the Lam.
2937.
In my red Honda
I traverse the Brooklyn Bridge.
It is a short SPAM.
2938.
The aquarium
has species many to see.
I like the SPAM whale.
2939.
See Michael Jordan
put globe into a circle.
It's just a SPAM-dunk.
2944.
A terrible time,
the SPAMish inquisition.
Not unlike today.
2966.
Preaching the evils
of man's taunts against nature:
it's Elmer SPAMtry.
2968.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.
3116.
McDonalds is a
Cowschwitz; Hormel's factory
must be Porcinewald.
3135.
If you eat too much
SPAM, then your appendix bursts.
Porkitonitis.
3159.
high-vaulted chamber
cath'lic carnivores intone
"laudate SPAMum"
3162.
some folks may frolic
others cavort and gambol--
but i SPAMelope
3225.
But to have kids, Sire,
your SPAM count should be higher.
I am not kidding.
3226.
Fossilized beetle.
DNA immobilized.
Trapped in clear SPAMber.
3228.
A trembling river.
Quivering lights of Hong Kong.
Me in my SPAMpan.
3229.
I pig out a lot.
When I go to Camelot,
I eat SPAMelot.
3236.
In small town of Burls,
who but George scares little girls?
That nasty young SPAMp!
3240.
I have not the time
to explain this spam of time.
Please notice quick rhyme.
3242.
Fido loves his SPAM.
His pals have never had it.
He has one leg up.
3243.
His pals don't like it.
Fido is faithful to SPAM.
TEMPER FIDELIS!
3251.
For the latest news
and meaty bits of gossip
please turn on C-SPAM.
3252.
The hors d'ouevres were great
And the party was a gas
(due of course to SPAM).
3256.
Here is agenda.
"SPAM" is now on the table.
Convene the 'eeting.
3261.
I don't see comet.
So, this dark and starless night,
I use my SPAM Lite.
3266.
Insight into SPAM,
to be quite re-alistic,
would be a hindsight.
3276.
That ain't mud in that
Minnesota Mississip',
Nor Lead in Belly.
3318.
In the old castle:
"King, the SPAM is revolting!"
"No suprise there, squire."
3400.
Hitler's Luftwaffe
drops pink death on Guernica.
SPAMish Civil War.
3406.
Fed meat product to
Japanese warriors; got
Deadly SPAMurai.
3436.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "SPAM."
"SPAM who?" I then reply. "SPAM
enchanted evening."
3454.
Poor man's boneless ham
Pig-part pudding of paupers
Doctors call you "rich"
3471.
In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you.
How now, thou ground sow?
3526.
Pork-part ingestion
must lead to inSPAMity.
Make the SPAMness stop.
3571.
I am going nuts!
Oh, stop the imSPAMity!
I vomit once more.
3585.
Haiku Analyst,
John Cho. SPAM Psychiatrist.
You are my Pink Freud.
3610.
After regular
SPAM, SPAM Lite is totally
antiSPAMactic.
3629.
Greasy spoon diner.
SPAMitation inspector
judges it three oinks.
3635.
Compressed under tin,
Suspense at its hearts contents;
Marvelous half-life.
3675.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
Puréed succulent swine chunks
HEY! I love ewe man
3781.
SPAM haiku archive
I cannot cut you and yet
I haiku to bits
3836.
Three SPAM triangles
An edible bikini
"Babe" on a babe. Yum!
3837.
Freed from your steel tomb
Poor pig! This ham-handed cook
Has cremated you!
3857.
The Cannery cans.
Can opener opens can.
The Eater cannot.
3880.
Massage with fingers
If you should feel any lumps
Have a SPAMogram
3881.
Creamy pink jelly,
spread on bread by female hand.
SPAM jam, thank you, ma'am.
3925.
Man wearing white shirt
Drops meat, causing greasy stain;
Cries, "Out, out, SPAM dot!"
3945.
A day in L.A.:
Hollywood producers say
"Let's do luncheon meat."
3965.
SPAM accused of rape!
Forensic evidence found:
SPAMatozoa
3966.
Heard Wolly Bully?
OK, then who sings the song?
It's Sam and the SPAMs
3967.
The courts prosecute
Man alters SPAM recipe
Verdict: SPAMotage
3970.
Eat a can of SPAM
Swallow down the entire loaf
Then I'll pinch a loaf
4000.
It's SPAM for dinner?
Quick! Anoint tongue and throat with
SPAMicidal gel.
4224.
Welcome to Spam Trek
Information enterprise
Is Data greater?
4227.
A can from the stars?
How do we communicate?
ET or eaty?
4228.
You burst from your can
No longer pink, now scaly
Spamosaurus rex
4258.
When your house is clean,
Why don't other people say,
"It looks spic and spam?"
4272.
After a late snack,
My stomach cramped painfully--
Yes, a SPAM SPASM.
4290.
Beatles: Have you seen
Polythene SPAM? Well, that's the
Only kind there is.
4374.
"What rough beast slouches
Towards BethleSPAM to be born?"
Porktentous question!
4450.
Got me a new car
Runnin' three hundred horses
Dual overhead SPAM
4451.
Football starts this month
SPAM Franciso will go down
To Dallas again
4452.
Devilfish: harmless.
Terror of the deepest sea.
Seven foot wing-SPAM.
4474.
Short pink wobbly meat
Salty in the seaside sun
Baywatch Spamela
4569.
Effete paté freaks,
The Spamish Inquisition
Will make you think pink!
4571.
HOGMA TO LIVE BY:
"Let us now praise heinous SPAM."
(Rudyard Chittering.)
4580.
The accordion
Ought to be banned, except when
Played by Art van Spamme.
4581.
Come on and hear! It's
Alexander's Ragtime Spam
Playing low-down pinks.
4582.
Many porcine gods
Were worshipped by the Romans
In the Spamtheon.
4583.
Up there in the sky!
Faster than a speeding snail!
Look! It's Superspam!
4584.
SPAM and sauerkraut
Sausage is, without a doubt,
The absolute wurst!
4622.
The end of a pig:
Butthole preserved in blue can.
The end of a pig.
4654.
Is saying "I'm pink
Therefore I'm SPAM" putting the
Hog before Descartes?
4711.
Mobil sues Hormel
over the latter's ripped-off
"Pigasus" logo.
4799.
Coed asks of SPAM,
"Why does it taste so salty?"
Wait, it wasn't SPAM.
4849.
Cathouse dialogue:
"What's the name of that whore, Mel?"
Melvin's reply: "'S Pam."
4854.
When I serve guests SPAM,
They flip out. Is there such thing
As mad sow disease?
4890.
The jelly in can,
You may think it is funny,
but it's really snot!
4982.
Lazy workers at
the Hormel plant are flogged with
the cat o' swine tails.
4992.
Which of these many
fine SPAMku authors will bag
the Piglitzer prize?
5494.
Walking through jungle
Sink up to waist in pink goo
I've stepped in quickspam!
5798.
A killer of pigs.
"A heart attack on a plate."
SPAM is sui-cide.
5815.
Civilization
is falling--the President
in "SPAMk me" scandal
5816.
Oops! Late in the night,
I lost count of syllables:
Short attention SPAM.
5822.
A slimy mollusk
Lacking only a pink shell
Escargodawful
6127.
SPAM from East Asia
Hormel fights for right to name
Of "Rhesus Pieces"
6135.
the dynamics of
our cultures, our pseudomeats,
our dreams: Spam und drang
6165.
Tasty new SPAM dish:
Pour clear stuff on spaghetti:
Yum! Vermijelly!
6287.
Their swords forbidden,
shamed samurai open cans
commit SPAMmuku.
6486.
Haiku in shower
Gone--not saved on computer
A geek tragedy
6500.
Shooting star of SPAM
Tail like a greasy white plume
Gastronomical
6672.
Hormel's sports legends
Must include SPAM Shriver and
SPAM ``Bam'' Cunningham.
6673.
The food fight lasted
'Til recess's end: SPAM flies
When you're having fun.
6759.
Monkey Spanking Boy
Lazy lions licking SPAM
No longer have pride
6802.
Made a SPAM sculpture
of a dog I called Spammy.
Porkshire terrier.
6890.
Zen monks stack SPAM cans
Exercise in mindlessness
Arterial world
6903.
I've got a stretch pink
Cadillac, made from raw SPAM.
It's a pig to park...
6904.
Driving my SPAM-pink
Cadillac today, I got
a porking ticket...
6981.
Why is a can of
SPAM like marathon running?
They're both ex Austin!
6986.
The doctors all say
"Wearing tight underwear can
lower your SPAM count!"
7064.
Mann ist was Mann ißt!
(This pun isn't as funny
when you think of SPAM)
7081.
Some SPAMkuists don't
Mention the product. They must
have a low SPAM count.
7088.
I made a firearm
From a dozen SPAM cans--it's
A twelve boar shotgun!
7093.
Did you hear 'bout the
Tactless pig at the SPAM plant?
Put his foot in it...
7094.
If Hormel had a
Plant in Cuba, would it be
In the Bay of Pigs?
7096.
SPAM: vindication
Of the old saying, "You can't
Keep a good ham down."
7171.
Is a gathering
Of SPAM vigilantes called
A pork lynchin' meet?
7176.
I put a wick in
The greasy can and lit it:
I call it SPAM light!
7206.
SPAM logo boxer
Shorts: one way to find flies on
A Hormel product.
7302.
SPAM SLICE BETWEEN BREAD
A CHEF'S CULINARY FEET
LIPS, SNOUT, AND TAIL, TOO
7328.
If SPAM is Art then
never has Artsy-Fartsy
been any truer.
7362.
South Pacific: A
Musical featuring SPAM
Enchanted Ev'ning.
7401.
Hormel Foods builds home
For Native American:
Wigwam, thank you, SPAM.
7402.
SPAM may tempt Native
Americans but they still
Have reservations.
7249.
When production was
Stepped up at Hormel the pigs
Were on their last legs...
7545.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell? Not as bad
As a plate of SPAM.
7547.
My wife's gone to the
West Indies. Jamaica? Sure
I did--she cooks SPAM!
7570.
These SPAM sex acts: could
They be described as merely
A poke in a pig?
7571.
Some SPAMku express
An ingenious thought. They're
More like ePIGrams.
7572.
I'd love to see the
Aurora Boarealis
(The Northern SPAM Lites).
7587.
Inspiration in
A can: is this the taste that
Launched a thousand quips?
7740.
THE STAGE DIRECTOR
OF A PLAY FEATURING SPAM
CRIES "STOP HAMMING IT!"
7943.
If you eat SPAM off
A naked hooker, is she
Working for "Whore-mel"?
8131.
Uranus becomes
A gas giant due to SPAM.
Asstronomical!
8178.
Pigs, out of control
running from the fear of death.
Help! It's a spampede!
8179.
Sty Stallone movie
Fighting pigs in a jungle
The mighty Spambo!
8233.
SPAM infinity
I'm up to my ass in SPAM
Will it ever end?
8330.
my spam is in heat
yowling like an alley cat
wanting a good fork