The People's Choice Cuts: 1-1000
1.
Three men in lifeboat.
No food 'cept SPAM. Hour
later:
Two men in lifeboat.
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
2.
Autoerotic!
Open can, insert member:
Wham,
bam, thank you SPAM!
--Jon Howell and Liam Friedland,
jhowell@us.oracle.com and lfriedla@us.oracle.com
3.
Crowds of refugees,
Starving. UN airdrops
SPAM.
Muslims flee from planes.
--Martin Booda,
booda@datasync.com
4.
Old man seeks doctor:
"I eat SPAM daily," he
decries
ANGIOPLASTY
--Christopher James Hume
Fed my dog warm SPAM.
Pissed in shoes. Ate my wallet.
Bitter
little fuck.
--Jonathan Black,
damaginc@siu.edu
5.
SPAM glistens pinkly;
Cat taps it with wary
paw
To see if it's dead.
--Anonymous
6.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore
I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
7.
Does SPAM contain tongues?
When you eat it, does
it taste
you as you taste it?
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
8.
SPAM is not a gift.
When you eat, just
remember:
It's only a loan.
--Martin Booda,
booda@datasync.com
9.
Made a SPAM puppet
To entertain my doggie
Need
a new hand now
--Tom Elliott,
Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au
10.
Leaning to kiss her,
Smelling her breath, I
thought of
Love and luncheon loaf.
--Rex Jones,
rex@uis.msstate.edu
There are worse things than
A SPAM-limited diet.
Like
coprophagy.
--Martin Booda,
booda@datasync.com
11.
I put my shoes on
But remembered far too
late
My secret SPAM stash
--Tom Elliott,
Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au
12.
I hear the SPAM ball
It bounces, porqua,
porqua
A haiku of
spring
--B. Tallen
Outdoor church potluck.
SPAM casserole steams in sun.
Flies
choose the tuna.
--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov
Dole, Gramm, and Gingrich.
Pink, porcine, processed,
packaged.
Political SPAM.
--Spamonymous
13.
SPAM frying in lard
The whir of the kitchen
fan
Summer of my youth
--Linda
acidic heartburn
a boat disappears in mist
traces of old
SPAM
--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu
Split the SPAM atom
Enormous pink mushroom cloud
World covered
in pork
--Tom Elliott,
Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au
14.
Sunset placid pond
where campers often
linger--
rusted can of SPAM
--Dr. S. Garrigues,
steve@bh.kyungpook.ac.kr
Bright lights and cruel cops
grill the suspect pork product.
It
doesn't confess.
--WhaarfRat@aol.com
Scott O'Grady packed
SPAM in his survival kit,
lived on bugs for
days.
--Rex Jones, rex@uis.msstate.edu
15.
Senator Exon
Downloads SPAM GIFs from
archive,
Soils the Senate floor.
--Martin Booda,
booda@datasync.com
16.
brasiliana
amorphously glistening
the sound of
Spam Getz
--Screamin' Phil Erickson,
pje@hyperion.haystack.edu
I took SPAM to work
They fired me--so be warned
It's not meant
as clothes
--Tom Elliott,
Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au
17.
Hold tight, street person!
Wise-ass crow on the
dumpster
is eyeing your SPAM.
--Paul W. Lewis,
pp001342@interramp.com
Worse than eating SPAM?
Watching your father-in-law
eat a trout
head. (Crunch.)
--Matt Ragozzino,
mwr@teleport.com
18.
Zen Buddhist SPAM quest:
"What are the
ingredients?"
What do you desire?
--Alex Dunne,
dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com
19.
Bum with hole in shoe
Finds Elmer's and SPAM.
Eats glue,
patches hole with SPAM.
--Chris Fishel,
ctf2m@virginia.edu
Driving with Ute friends.
Miles of silence pass before,
"Price
of SPAM is up."
--Anonymous
Downtown park in spring
with SPAM-pink cherry blossoms
neon haze
of night
--Dr. S. Garrigues,
steve@bh.kyungpook.ac.kr
20.
new roommate arrives
cooks sunday morning fried
SPAM
goodbye new roommate
--Screamin' Phil Erickson,
pje@hyperion.haystack.edu
The blue can is square
Why not a circular can?
Too much like dog
food
--Anonymous
Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among 1000
haiku, to Phil Erickson
for writing the vote tallying cgi script, and to Alec
Proudfoot (alec@netcom.com)
for hosting the ballot box.
John
Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM /
SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.